The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace                   Written by John Swartzwelder
                                                     Directed by Mark Kirkland
==============================================================================
Production code: 5F21                     Original Airdate on FOX: 20-Sep-1998
Capsule revision B (26-Feb-2000)
==============================================================================
> "TV Guide" Synopsis
==============================================================================
   (Canadian): Homer is inspired by the work of Thomas Edison and sets his
   site on inventing the next great gadget-- even if it means going to the
   Edison Museum and destroying anything similar that currently exists.  {hl}

==============================================================================
> Title sequence
==============================================================================
Blackboard:     I WILL NOT FILE FRIVOLOUS LAWSUITS

Couch:          The family runs in to watch some TV, only to find what seems
                like the entire city sitting in their living room.  They are
                lined up in rows, as if in a movie theater.  Homer sneaks some
                popcorn from one of the "theatergoers."

==============================================================================
> Did You Notice...
==============================================================================
   ... Homer mashes his cheeseburger into the steering wheel when he stops the
       car?
   ... the Tamzarian headstone in the cemetery of the future?  ["Guess the
       judge's ruling didn't hold up," writes {ss}]
   ... in Homer's dream of the future, Barney is a four-time Oscar winner?
   ... Homer imagines Heckle and Jeckle will attend his funeral, but not his
       own family?  ["Only Homer can think that way," opines Sean Walsh]
   ... the Simpsons have nuclear waste stashed in their basement?  [And,
       according to {je}, "one barrel is spilled on the floor?"]
   ... we can eliminate New Jersey, Texas, Michigan, and Oregon from list of
       places where Springfield is?

Matthew Anscher:
   ... in the couch gag, Rod wasn't sitting with his parents?
   ... Homer was wearing an undershirt?
   ... Barney stopped drinking and continued his film career after 1995's
       "Puke-a-Hontas"?
   ... Ned Flanders had apparently converted to Catholicism in Homer's
       imaginary funeral?  (See "Comments" section for more)
   ... the oil stain in OFF's driveway was gray, not black as it usually is?
   ... there was apparently another spaceship near Homer's photographing the
       sabotaging of MIR, and it shot from two different angles?
   ... the Simpsons not only could afford motion picture film for Homer's life
       story movie, but they could also afford to hire the voice of KITT from
       "Knight Rider"?
   ... Abe has never seen a motion picture before, or perhaps forgotten about
       them?
   ... Homer knows about Fletcherism?
   ... the hole in the toilet chair is not perfectly round?
   ... this is the second time the word "fart" has ever been used on the show?
       [Someone known only as "InsomniaZZ@aol.com" reminds us the other time
       was in "Girly Edition (5F15)," when Nelson said it -- Ed.]
   ... the tour guide at the Edison museum wears a name tag that says "Guide"
       on it?
   ... Homer also studied the achievements of Eli Whitney?

Brad Bizzolt:
   ... this could be the first couch scene where full words (not just annoyed
       grunts) are spoken?
   ... Flanders refers to the President by his first name?
   ... the robot from "Lost In Space" and Heckle & Jeckle are at Homer's
       funeral?
   ... the writers are continuing to have fun with the "Where's Springfield"
       camp with that ridiculous interstate sign?  [See "Comments" section for
       more]

Anthony Dean:
   ... Marge seems apathetic towards Homer quitting his job?
   ... Bart knew where the Da Vinci museum was located?
   ... we don't see how Homer gets his job back at the plant (similar to the
       way [3G04] ended)?

Don Del Grande:
   ... Marty is white again?  (He's black in 1F15)
   ... Marge doesn't buy "dolphin-safe" tuna?
   ... Homer has 3987^12 + 4365^12 = 4472^12 on his chalkboard, which,
       according to Fermat's Last Theorem, is incorrect?  (See "Comments"
       section for more)
   ... when Marge is feeding Maggie, Marge opens her mouth just before putting
       the spoon in Maggie's mouth?
   ... Maggie makes some sort of sound when Marge is feeding her?
   ... and while being fed, (a) she doesn't have her pacifier (no duh) and (b)
       reaches for the spoon when Marge stops feeding her? (I know those were
       obvious, but they were for the "Maggie List" types)
   ... there's a "Don't Mess With Texas" T-shirt in the Edison Museum Gift
       Shop?
   ... neither the person who took the picture of Edison nor the person who
       put the Edison figure into the chair at the museum noticed the extra
       legs?
   ... for that matter, nobody noticed that Edison invented a hammer that
       required batteries that wouldn't be invented for quite some time after
       the invention would have been made?

Yuri Dieujuste:
   ... Moe's Bar/Tavern has a new sign?
   ... Homer can do complex calculations?

Jordan Eisenberg:
   ... Homer comes home from work without his shirt?
   ... Homer is unshaven?
   ... when Marge reminds Homer of his true age, he keels over in bed just
       like Bart did in 3G02?
   ... both Maggie and Snowball II have speaking roles in this episode?
   ... Homer sounds like Grampa when he yells over the Everything's-Okay
       Alarm?
   ... Homer yells "damn it!" just like he did twice in 5F16?

Andrew Gill:
   ... Homer's pencil lead (in some shots) is really long?

Tony Hill:
   ... Homer thinks average life expectancy is a guarantee?
   ... Homer expects Barney (of all people) to outlive him?
   ... "President Lenny" wears his sash backward?
   ... Homer has a cartoon version of himself on his chart?
   ... OFF keeps tires in the basement?
   ... Frink's home has solar panels?  [{bjr} notes, "They face away from the
       street.  He would presumably put them on the Southern side of the
       house, so we can surmise that his house more or less faces North."]

Darrel Jones:
   ... this is the first season premiere (by Fox's definition) written by John
       Swartzwelder?
   ... during the couch scene, Homer eats CBG's popcorn?
   ... Homer has aged AGAIN?  (He's now 39.)
   ... Homer thinks Bart and Lisa will spank themselves unsupervised?
   ... one of Homer's inventions is actually worthwhile?
   ... the Fox censors allow Bart to say "boobs"?
   ... Bart's car door is unlocked on the trip to Edison's lab?
   ... some fool thinks people will believe a pope swears?

Joe Klemm:
   ... Homer doesn't wear underwear to bed?
   ... the AC/DC lightbulb shirt?

Diego Kontarovsky:
   ... in the couch scene, Ralph suddenly stops chewing?
   ... when Homer hits the brakes in the middle of traffic, he's driving
       alongside three green cars (and he slams his burger against the
       steering wheel)?
   ... Grampa and Lucious Sweet at the audience in the film of Homer fighting
       Tatum?
   ... the weird antenna on top of Frink's garage?
   ... Frink gives Homer 14 books?
   ... Homer's second basement explosion takes out two fence planks and pushes
       the mailbox over?
   ... Homer's recliner/toilet has both a button and lever reclining
       mechanism?
   ... when running into the Edison Museum, Homer and Bart leave the car doors
       open?
   ... running a few feet from the car to the museum entrance left Homer and
       Bart out of breath?
   ... Homer's Edison poster appears twice in the museum gift shop?
   ... the Edison Museum is three stories tall?

Haynes Lee:
   ... Homer has an 8-track under his car radio?
   ... Frink has a reel-to-reel computer [tape drive, for the anal-retentive -
       Ed.]?
   ... Bart running on globe like lumberjack rolling log on water?
   ... Homer's diagram is that of an electric circuit?
   ... the "Screw You" poster in gift shop?

Brian Rawson-Ketchum:
   ... the timing of the Clinton joke?  (Homer seemed to just laugh at the
       website part) [A few days after this episode aired, President Clinton
       gave a deposition to Congress -- Ed.]
   ... that sarcastic middle aged guy is a lot stockier than from last season?
   ... OFF somehow got rid of that Olmec head?
   ... the states listed on the freeway sign were all ones that we've
       eliminated as to the location of Springfield?
   ... it took all night for Homer to drive to the Edison museum?

Mark Aaron Richey:
   ... a rather timely Clinton joke?
   ... the hubcap rolling down the highway?
   ... President Lenny has gray temples?
   ... everyone looks nearly the same 38.1 years from now?
   ... beer paste?
   ... Homer is still talking about Edison at 3 AM?
   ... the hammer pounds holes in the floor?
   ... Homer parks on the sidewalk?
   ... the woman at the museum wearing the Jackie O dress?

Tom Rinschler:
   ... Maggie never looks away from the spoon in Marge's hand during the scene
       where Homer announces he has quit the plant?

Samuel Sklaroff:
   ... Homer hasn't aged in the flash forward?
   ... a tombstone reads "Tamzarian"?

Robert Vandergraaf:
   ... Homer can do math is his head now?  [As an example, {rb} notes Homer
       can " immediately calculate that 38.1 is half of 76.2"]

Ben Weiner:
   ... _M+G_ on Prof. Frink's blackboard?

==============================================================================
> Voice Credits
==============================================================================
- Starring
   - Dan Castellaneta (Bill, Homer, Abe)
   - Julie Kavner (Marge)
   - Nancy Cartwright (Bart)
   - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
   - Hank Azaria (Moe, Man on sidewalk, Frink)
   - Harry Shearer (Marty, Lenny, Ned, Heckle, Jeckle, Edison's ghost, Father
        at museum, Brockman)

- Special Guest Voice
   - William Daniels (KITT)

- Also Starring
   - Tress MacNeille (Operator)
   - Maggie Roswell (Librarian, "It's true" woman)

==============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
==============================================================================
   + The Wizard of Menlo Park (Edison's nickname)
      - episode title a take-off of popular title for Edison

   - "The Flintstones"  (TV series)  {ad}
      - a few episodes of this series (towards the later part of its run)
        depicted Fred as a wannabe-inventor type, usually inventing "wacky" or
        troublesome items
      - one such episode even makes reference to "Thomas Edistone" (as the
        "prehistoric" inventor of the candle)

   + Clinton/Lewinsky scandal  {jk}
      - Blackboard gag refers to this
      - so does the KBBL joke

   ~ Wuthering Heights (book)  {ag}
      - Homer having flour down his shirt was *very* vaguely like Nellie at
        one point.  (Having just read to that point in the book, myself)
      - [{ag} bills this as, "USENET Nominee for Longest Stretch for a
        Reference" -- Ed.]

   ~ Bugs Bunny stamp  {th}
      - Homer's dismissive appraisal of a stamp in his honor is perhaps a ref
        to the much-maligned Bugs Bunny stamp issued by the U.S. Postal
        Service in 1997

   + "Lost In Space" (TV series)
      - the robot at the funeral resembles the one from the TV series (but not
        the movie)

   + "Heckle & Jeckle" (cartoon series)
      - the wiseacre magpies at the funeral are from this cartoon

   + "This is Your Life"  (TV series)  {brk}
      - Homer is surprised by family members with clips of his life; this
        would also happened to guests on the real-life show
      - "Homer Simpson, welcome to your life!" tagline

   + MIR space station  {hl}
      - Homer supposedly backed into this in "Deep Space Homer (1F13)"  [See
        "Comments" section for more]

   ~ Mortal Kombat  (video game)  {ss}
      - "Finish him!" is from this game.

   + "Knight Rider"  (TV series)
      - KITT, the crime-solving car, has a roll-on cameo in the family's film
      - [{ddg} mentions the car has his original voice -- see "Comments"
        section for more]

   + "White Heat"  (movie)
      - Bart *almost* quotes the famous line from this classic film about a
        gangster (James Cagney) with an Oedipus complex.  The line in the film
        actually goes, "Made it, Ma!  Top of the world!  (Earth-shattering
        kaboom)"

   + "Child's Garden of Verses", by Robert Louis Stevenson  (book)  {mar}
      - "Child's Garden of Edison" a takeoff of this poetry book

   - "The Hardy Boys"  {tr}
      - Homer reads volumes from their series in Springfield Elementary's
        library  [See "Comments" section for more]

   - "Cheers"  (TV series)  {rv}
      - Cliff always  talks on and on at the bar

   + "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" (phrase from "Mary Poppins" movie)
      - Frink mentions the field of microcalifragilistics

   - "Home Improvement"  (TV series)  {dk}
      - + Homer's suggestion of applying more power to his malfunctioning
        invention
      - ~ One of Tim Taylor's projects was a reclining toilet, although his
        more sensibly located in an "ultimate men's bathroom"

   + "Stay Tuned" (1992 film with John Ritter and Pam Dawber)  {ma}
      - The toilet chair is similar to one given away as a prize on a game
        show in this film.

   + La-Z-Boy (furniture manufacturer)  {ma}
      - Homer's "Lazy Man" Reclining Toilet chair gets its brand name from
        this manufacturer of furniture.

   - "Mr. Bill"  (recurring skit on "Saturday Night Live," a TV series)  {jk}
      - face made by the makeup gun looks like his face  [See "Comments"
        section for more]

   + AC/DC  (rock band)  {tr}
      - band's distinctive name appears on light bulb T-shirt in the Edison
        gift shop.

   + "Don't Mess With Texas"  {mar}
      - seen on one of the T-shirts in the gift shop, it is the long-time
        anti-littering slogan in the Lone Star State (it's still going
        strong).

==============================================================================
> Previous episode references
==============================================================================
- Some noteworthy accomplishments Homer's had  {ol}
   - [7F05] Major League baseball mascot.
   - [7F16] Created a car.
   - [8F08] Created a trend-setting drink.
   - [8F13] Won several softball games for SNPP.
   - [8F19] Became a hit country singer's manager; appeared on the Gong Show
            in 1977.
   - [9F06] Homer allegedly consumes a bag of flour (when no other food is
            available in the house.)
   - [9F07] Became a city-wide hero as Mr. Plow.
   - [9F21] From 1985-1986, he was part of a barbershop quartet group that hit
            #1, and garnered him a Grammy award.
   - [1F13] Went into space.
   - [2F09] Became the Chosen One of an elite, ostensibly ancient alliance.
   - [2F10] References to "Knight Rider."
   - [3F21] Became a sideshow attraction in a major rock festival.
   - [5F09] Becomes sanitation commissioner of Springfield.
   - [5F16] Climbs the "top" of Springfield's most treacherous mountain.

- [7G02] Homer thinks Einstein invented the light bulb  {ad}
- [8F22] Homer envisioning his own funeral  {ddg}
- [8F23] Homer gets a new chair  {je}
- [9F06] Homer eats a bag of flour  {dj}
- [9F22], [2F14] Homer smokes a cigar  {dj}
- [1F08] Homer's imperfect memories of Marge's speeches  {dj}
- [1F08] Homer aims a gun at Marge  {je}
- [1F13] Homer goes on a space trip
- [1F18] Home movies of OFF are seen  {ad}
- [2F01] An interstate sign indicating Springfield's ambiguous location is
         seen
- [2F10] "Night Rider" is parodied  {dj}
- [2F10] Homer misunderstands the meaning of a party  {th}
- [2F14] Homer tilts his chair at the table  {je}
- [2F31] Barney won an award for his film, now he has 4 Oscars to his credit
         {rv}
- [3F09] Prez. Lenny's bodyguards are the same as Bush's  {je}
- [4F03] Homer fights Drederick Tatum
- [4F05] the tour guide at the Edison museum looks similar to the tour guide
         at the cider mill  {ol}
- [4F10] Rangers appear in museum  {hl}
- [4F10] Lenny says "nuts"  {dj}
- [4F22] "Oh Yeah!" is played  {dj}
- [4F23] Tamzarian  {th}
- [5F01] Homer aims a gun at Marge  {th}
- [5F11] Bart spews out expletives in triplets (Damn-hell-ass kings!)  {je}
- [5F14] Last appearance of Prof. Frink  {dj}

==============================================================================
> Freeze frame fun
==============================================================================
- In the couch gag  {mar}
   - Back row: Skinner, Agnes, Homer, Marge, Maggie, Lisa (Bart is hidden),
     Krusty, Mel, Apu
   - Middle:  Jimbo, Kearney, CBG, Ned, Maude, Burns, Smithers
   - Front: Lenny, Moe, Hans, Ralph, Rod, Milhouse, Willy

- The sign outside Edison's museum  {dj}

      THE EDISON
        MUSEUM

    NO GANG COLORS

- The stuff in the gift shop  {dk}
   - T-shirts, mugs, phonographs, perpetual motion toys, posters, clocks,
     necklaces, ties, caps, snow globes, watches, and books

==============================================================================
> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
==============================================================================
c  At the beginning, when Yello's "One Second" was playing, it said "man
   imitating muted trumpet."  {sb}

+  What the hell is this?  First they up Homer's age 2 years, and now he's 39?
   {ol}

=  Homer swerves his car 90 degrees on the freeway, but from the inside shots,
   the cars outside are moving parallel (albeit in the opposite direction) to
   his.  {je}

*  How is it that Homer's car got repaired so quickly after being smashed into
   the Jersey barrier?  {brk}

+  Homer's outer space trip from [1F13] includes none of the things mentioned
   during the film of Homer's life.  {dj}

*  In the words of Tom Servo of MST3K fame, "there's no sound in a vacuum!";
   thus, we shouldn't be able to hear the Russian astronauts' voices in the
   home movie (or the sounds of the shuttle ramming the station).  {ad}

*  For that matter, I wonder how OFF managed to get a film of the shuttle in
   space from such a perspective to begin with.  {ad}

+  In previous episodes, OFF usually use a video camera instead of a home
   movie camera for recording their eventful moments.  {ad}

*  I don't believe the space program's used tubed space food since the 1960's
   space missions, though I could be wrong.  {ad}

*  I'd expect Lisa would know what she knows about Edison from school, and not
   from some restaurant placemat.  {ol}

*  Edison didn't invent the light bulb - or motion pictures, for that matter.
   {ddg}

*  When Bart fell off the globe, it should have thrown him backwards, not
   sideways.  {ddg}

+  The basement was never this deep before.  {yd}

c  Homer says Edison invented 203 things at 39, but the closed-captions say it
   was 503.  [But, {jj} observes, "When he looks at the poster of Thomas
   Edison and states that when Edison was his age, he had already invented two
   hundred ... something inventions ... His 'lips' form the 'F' sound as if he
   were saying "five hundred" something." -- Ed.]

=  When Homer was in the basement writing on the pad (or NOT writing), and he
   backs up to get a running start, the position of the chair changes.  {jj}

+  Homer has smoked many times and didn't gag.  {th}

*  Since when does tuna have dolphin in it?  (Tuna that isn't "dolphin safe"
   means that dolphins weren't killed while catching the tuna.)  {ddg}

=  The pile of books Professor Frink hands Homer originally doesn't have a
   book labeled "PHYSICS", but later one appears in the middle of the pile.
   {ddg}

c  Homer says his everything's OK alarm sounds every three seconds, but the
   closed-captioning said "10 seconds."  {sb}

c  Marge tells Homer his set the makeup gun to "whore," but the closed-
   captioning says "hooker."

=  In the whore gun scene, Maggie goes from sitting on Marge's lap to sitting
   next to Marge and back.  {dk}

*  How could Marge see, and comment on, the makeup without a mirror?  {je}

=  How did Marge get the makeup off so fast without the cold cream gun?  {mar}

*  When did Homer have time to install plumbing in the TV room, so his toilet-
   recliner would work?  {brk}

=  Where did Bart get that newspaper [while on the La-Z-Toilet] from?  {dc}

=  Homer moves himself up a notch on the invention chart, but a few seconds
   later he's back at the beginning.  {dk}

=  Those extra legs didn't appear on the Edison poster until after Homer
   realizes that they might be there.  {brk}

*  How could it be possible that no one noticed the extra legs on the chair in
   at least 60 years?  [The above goof might explain it ... -- Ed]  {mar}

-  The little flag on the mailbox is backwards when Marge is cleaning it.
   {dk}

*  Why would Bart be relieved to see the museum is "still open" if they're
   arriving at the crack of dawn?  {dk}

*  Edison's "claim" to the electric hammer can be easily disproved.  [See
   "Comments" section for more]  {dk}

*  Getting a patent is a long legal practice involving paying a fee and
   submitting a "working model" to the U. S. Patent office; Edison's heirs
   can't get royalties simply from these models being found.  {dj}

*  Since the "electric hammer" wasn't patented, Edison's heirs won't get any
   money from the invention - which is not surprising, as it's just as
   defective when Homer demonstrated it as it was when it was found.  {ddg}

*  Edison's last direct heir died in 1992.  The only child of his to have
   children of their own was a daughter who married into another family.
   {bjr}

=  Homer wasn't sitting in the "sanitary chair" until he said he was.  {th}

==============================================================================
> Reviews
==============================================================================
Dale G. Abersold:  Since the season premiere aired, I guess I am expected to
   write something about it.  I just wish I could remember what happened.  Not
   a memorable episode, for pro or con, although there is a great scene with
   Professor Frink (who has more than his share of entertaining appearances).
   At least it wasn't bad ...  (C+)

Brad Bizzolt:  I don't mind a weak plot as long as there are plenty of good
   quality jokes to make up for it, but sadly I didn't catch much of either.
   Homer's first 3 inventions were absolutely hysterical, but unfortunately
   there just weren't a whole lot of laugh-out-loud moments past that.  I'll
   still be watching the show unconditionally until the series ends, but I'd
   like to hope that future episodes pack bigger punches than this one.  (B)

Rich Bunnell:  If you people want plot, go watch a drama or something.  This
   episode was simply PACKED with laughs, and Homer's inspiration and contempt
   for Edison, at different parts of the episode respectively, pretty much had
   me rolling on the floor laughing!  I didn't really get bored once during
   the episode, and considering the fact that Simpsons can still be funny with
   some intelligent humor while shows like South Park continue to spew out
   juvenile garbage, this is a good indication of things to come for this
   season.  (A)

Ben Collins:  When will the current "staff" realize that the "Homer's wild
   goose chase" plot has been waay overused and rarely worked well in the
   first place?  This episode is dull, predictable, and pointless, with a
   go-nowhere premise and lame gags.  It's another example of the idea that
   Homer making an ass of himself and falling down Kramer-style is funny in
   and of itself.  As it has recently, The Simpsons leans more and more to
   what's wrong with TV today. It's good to see the old Bart back, though.
   (C-)

Anthony Dean:  This felt like a fairly lame outing, and not the best choice
   for a season premiere ("Lard of the Dance" would've made for a much better
   choice). At least this episode shows Homer as having at least half a brain
   again, unlike in some other recent episodes.  (C-)

Don Del Grande:  Okay, it had a few laughs, but it wasn't anything to get
   excited about, and the "Homer loses yet again" ending seems stale. (At
   least it gives me something to compare other writers against; "How did
   Antionette Stella come up with 'Olga Gets Engaged'?  Well, even
   Swartzwelder has the occasional 'The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace'...")  (B)

Jordan Eisenberg:  This episode had a lot of good points, but a few bad
   points.  The plot was forced, but it was forced so well it almost works.
   Almost.  Humor abounds, with some good throwaway scenes (flash-forwards;
   news reports), the return of some old characters, and the usual gags.
   Despite its shortcomings, this is one episode I wouldn't mind watching over
   and over again in syndication.  Compared to previous episodes, though, I
   can't help but call it below average.  (C+)

Andrew Gill:  The season premiere is usually some of the better material from
   the season.  If this was the better stuff, maybe I ought to just smash my
   TV right now.  This episode wasn't really bad, but it wasn't very good, by
   the same token.  Homer's inventions were some of the most despicable things
   that I'd ever seen.  The hammer wasn't too bad, but the others were just
   plain wrong.  This was offset by Homer's character, which was only subpar.
   The rest of the family was just baggage for the nonexistent plot, something
   that shouldn't happen.  The midlife crisis was mentioned once, and then we
   were just supposed to understand his motivation.  I would say that the
   writers are getting sloppy, but I don't think that they're becoming
   anything.  With the current crop of hacks, I don't think that there's much
   to hope for.  (D+)

Tony Hill:  I must say this was a fairly lame ep.  Surely there are more
   hilarious things that could have happened from Homer being an inventor.  So
   OFF misses out on millions one more time.  Where was the subplot?  (It's
   been a while since we've had an ep with only one plot.)  (C)

Dan Hogg:  After seeing 9 full seasons of the Simpsons and Homer's spontaneous
   schemes, seeing another scheme isn't too exciting.  However, this ep is
   pretty decent.  I didn't like Homer obsessing Thomas Edison, but the scene
   with Frink (Hamburger Earmuffs!) and his 4 inventions were funny.  It kind
   of fizzled out toward the end, though.  (B-)

Darrel Jones:  A slightly-above average episode.  The highlights include the
   slide show and Homer's "four greatest inventions of all time".  Let's hope
   Season Ten has more episodes like this.  Homer as an inventor ...
   Laugh-and-a-half!  (A-)

Joe Klemm:  The plot was a little bit flat in some points.  However, there
   were some good jokes that gave it a higher grade.  Among those include
   Homer running over Edison's ghost and Bart of Toilet-Recliner, which may
   work as an invention.  (B-)

Diego Kontarovsky:  It got off to a really funny start and lost some energy in
   the second act, but gained it back near the end.  I think Swartzwelder
   overlooked the glaring possibility to flashback to how Homer got fired, and
   why he was banished from the library.  Without the flashbacks, those two
   jokes were left incomplete and frustrating.  They never used to make this
   mistake in earlier episodes.  But, overall, a good start.  Let's hope the
   tenth season goes up from here!  (B)

Ondre Lombard:  John Swartzwelder tends to support a story well with at least
   a medium helping of good, genuine laughs.  This episode is no exception.
   On the one hand, my expectations that Homer would be a little bit on the
   overly stupid side were met unfortunately, but on the other hand, he isn't
   all bad. [...]  I might also add that Bart's dialogue was good in helping
   Bart stand out, which is something he doesn't tend to do anymore.  As for
   the story itself, it isn't terribly strong.  Homer's apparent mid-life
   crisis provides build-up that probably has been done in some other form or
   another.  Although, I'm glad the story is simple enough to not get carried
   away, and then come to an inevitably outrageous head.  Homer's annoying fun
   facts about Edison was nifty, too.  (C+)

Patrick McGovern:  This ep was the funniest since the ep where Homer gets a
   gun (Which is #3 on my all-time favorites list).  Anyway, this one was just
   too damn funny.  I loved the Whore gun, Homer running "Edison" over, the
   scene with Frink, the news scene at the end (The "Pope" comment had me
   laughing like a madman), "Women will like what I tell them to like", the
   way the "Everything's OK" alarm works, and all of the references.  Not much
   to complain about here, but Bart's lines were pretty stupid.  But, I
   honestly think that this episode could've stood with Season 4 eps easily.
   (A)

Brian Rawson-Ketchum:  Overall, it was a pretty good episode.  The really
   strong points were Homer's funeral fantasy and the lineup of his different
   inventions (which reminds me of several different Tonight Show gags
   involving not-so-real products).  A couple of the jokes seemed forced
   (Bart's swearing, the ghost of Edison), but it was pretty funny
   nonetheless. Also, the ending in the style of "Deep Space Homer" was
   brilliant.  I have to give this episode a B-.  It wasn't that spectacular
   for a season opener, but it is definitely showing improvement from the
   lackluster ninth season.  I'll be looking forward to "Bart the Mother" next
   week.  (B-)

Mark Aaron Richey:  Matt Groening promised it would be "bizarre".  Both
   Entertainment Weekly and USA Today promised we'd be disappointed.
   Unfortunately, they were both right, as the 10th season premiere proved to
   be an odd hybrid of other episodes.  [...]  This episode was in desperate
   need of a subplot, or of anything to distract us from the silliness on the
   screen.  Almost every scene, from the couch gag to the fade out, seemed to
   be a steal from other episodes.  I'm not sure what the writers were
   thinking, but hopefully this won't be a preview of the new season.  (C)

Tom Rinschler:  Not bad for the season opener.  It was nice to see Bill and
   Marty after so long, and the never-before-seen portions of "Deep Space
   Homer" (especially sabotaging Mir) had me ROFL.  Homer's motivation for a
   "wacky episode" wasn't too strained this time either (I've seen what
   mid-life crises can do!)  Unfortunately, the last act fell a bit flat, but
   not enough to ruin this episode.  (B+)

Matt Rose:  This episode delivers on its goal I think; which was to get a lot
   of cheap laughs.  It certainly comes through on that objective.  The first
   two acts were fairly weak; I did enjoy the third act.  This seems to be a
   very prevalent pattern among recent Swartzwelder episodes.  There were some
   cute sight gags in this episode (AC/DC), but other than that nothing I'll
   be quoting till I die.  I think this was just another typical "zany Homer
   scheme" plot which has become REALLY TIRESOME.  Enough cheap laughs puts it
   a step above most latter-day Simpsons mediocrity.  (B-)

Ben Weiner:  An instant classic!  At one point I laughed so hard that the ice
   cream I was eating came out of my nose!  Homer's moronic yet creative
   inventions (especially the make up gun-"I had it set on whore") were a
   laugh riot. Although some may disagree with me, I thought the plot was well
   thought out. If you don't agree, just think of "Trash of the Titans."  It
   was great to see a plot focused solely on Homer.  Everything was just too
   funny: Homer's funeral, the aforementioned inventions, Frink's earmuffs,
   Bart swearing, etc.  (A+)

Yours Truly:  The tenth season opener shows that the folks behind "The
   Simpsons" can still invent some good shows.  This one largely avoids a
   feeling of déjà vu by concentrating on Homer's inventing process, rather
   than the fallout of what he creates.  Good dialog that's funny without
   being forced is another strong point of this episode.  In all, it's a good
   start for the season.  (B+)

AVERAGE GRADE:  B- (2.71)   Std Dev.: 0.8486   (34 reviews computed)

==============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
>> Those Eternal Threads

At one point, Homer takes the exit to New Jersey, Michigan, Oregon, and Texas.
   Dan Gonigal comments thusly:  That sign was a joke aimed at people who try
   to say that Springfield has an actual location.  Oregon, Michigan, New
   Jersey & Texas are all in completely different areas of the country.  [Yuri
   Dieujuste tells us which ones:  "(New Jersey:  Northeast, Oregon:  West,
   Michigan:  Midwest, Texas:  South)"]  There is no way one road can serve as
   the route to all those States (unless Springfield is in Alaska, one of the
   "Freak States").


Yuri Dieujuste:  Springfield's highway looks totally different now from older
   animations of their highway.  I have also notice the so-called Highway 401
   in some episodes sound like a Canadian highway also called the 401 (Mac
   Donald Cartier Freeway) in Southern Ontario.  Maybe the Simpsons live in a
   world where the US and Canada are the same country ...


>> Pope Ned I

Matthew Anscher noticed Ned was wearing Catholic regalia in Homer's dream.
   Ted Mills has some funny explanations for this:  Maybe Ned is just such a
   holy guy that they made him Pope despite being Protestant.  Or Ned's
   denomination decided they needed a Pope of their own.  Or in Homer's
   future, the various Christian denominations have reunified.  Or Homer is so
   stupid, he doesn't realize that their church doesn't HAVE a Pope.


>> Perhaps they should get collision insurance

Mark Aaron Richey:  The problem plagued Russian space station.  Most of its
   problems seem related to computer problems and age, not by getting rammed
   by space shuttles (which wouldn't be wise, since until recently, there were
   Americans on board).  [Not at the time Homer went up, though -- Ed.]


>> And he really retained his trade-in value, too!

Samuel Sklaroff talks about the guest star in the Simpsons' movie:  Knight
   Rider was a show back in the 80's which starred David Hasselhoff.  It was
   about this guy who had this intelligent car named KITT and he drove around
   the country fighting bad guys.  It was pretty campy stuff, and it would be
   right up Homer's alley.  There was another really funny parody of it in
   "And Maggie Makes Three", in the opening scene with "Knightboat".


>> The Exciting Adventures of the Hardy Boys

Mark Aaron Richey:  "The Hardy Boys" were a long-running series of thrillers,
   written by "Franklin W. Dixon" (actually a bunch of different people) about
   the adventures of two teenage brothers, who manage to stumble across a
   never-ending series of crimes in their "peaceful" coastal town.  Many of
   the opponents are smugglers, though they have battled spies and plain
   robbers before.


>> Smart Dolphins

Andrew Gill:  Not much to comment, really.  Dolphins are widely held to be
   very intelligent.  People often carry this over to a kinship with the
   animals.  However, I recently read something in Science News that dolphins
   are known to commit infanticide in order to make the mothers more receptive
   to mating.  Guess I'll have to stick to those superintelligent parrots (but
   not the sheep-eating ones).


>> Tom Edison, Inventin' Fool

Mark Aaron Richey gives us an overview of Thomas Edison's life:  "The Wizard
   of Menlo Park", arguably the most important inventor in history.  During
   his lifetime (1847-1931), he took out 1093 patents.

   Edison had only three months of formal education, because, when he was 7,
   his first teacher didn't like inquisitive students, and called him
   "addled", which prompted his mother to home-school him.

   Edison's early career included selling candy and newspapers on a train, and
   as a telegraph operator.  At the age of 22, he arrived in New York, and
   soon made substantial improvements on the stock ticker.  He sold the
   patents for a huge (at the time) $40,000, and opened his first workshop.
   In 1876, he arrived in Menlo Park, NJ.

   Among his inventions was the phonograph, the electric light, and
   improvements in the movie camera, and the telephone.  Most surprising is
   that he worked on many things involving sound, despite being nearly deaf.
   His original Menlo Park lab is currently in Greenfield Village, outside
   Detroit (a very cool place, BTW).  His final lab in West Orange, NJ, as
   well as his home, is now part of the Edison National Historic Site.  He did
   have a son named Thomas Jr., but there was no information about him.  His
   son Charles, however, was elected governor of New Jersey in 1941. Finally,
   he really did try to work on a machine to see if there was life after
   death, but no model or plans were found in any of his labs.


Benjamin Robinson draws parallels between the Wizard of Menlo Park and the
   Wizard of Evergreen Terrace:  Homer certainly set the bar high when he
   chose Thomas Alva Edison as his role model.  At first, it would seem that
   Edison, holder of 1,093 U.S. patents, has little in common with lazy Homer
   Simpson.  And, they don't have much in common, but the two have more
   parallel points than you might first imagine.

   Homer found that inventing something that both worked and could be sold was
   difficult work.  Edison, too, met with failure as well as success.  His
   first patent was for an electronic vote-taking machine, intended to speed
   up the time-consuming roll call procedure in Congress.  The invention
   worked, but unfortunately for Edison, Congress -liked- taking votes slowly
   and the vote-taker never sold.  [According to Tony Hill, the Senate still
   has no automated way of counting votes.]  At this point, he decided not to
   waste his energy working on something unless he was certain that there was
   a commercial market for it.  Incidentally, Edison once said that failure
   was as valuable as success, since you did not know if you had the best
   solution unless you first eliminated everything that wouldn't work.

   Like Homer, Edison sometimes made less money from his inventions than he
   could have.  During the negotiations for the rights to the stock ticker,
   Edison was prepared to sell production rights for $5,000, but he wasn't
   sure if that figure would be considered to high.  So, he asked his buyer (I
   forget the firm's name -- sorry) for an opening bid, which turned out to be
   $40,000.  Edison, naturally, accepted, and said (essentially), "Ha!  You
   could've had this for $5,000."  "That's okay," the buyer said, "we were
   prepared to offer $65,000."  D'oh!

   As someone else pointed out, the "AC/DC" shirt in the Edison gift shop was
   funny, since Edison vigorously opposed alternating current (AC), in large
   part because he didn't think of it first.  Despite his opposition, AC won
   out because it could be transmitted a much longer distance from the
   generating station than could direct current (DC).

   Finally, Frink's suggestion to take an existing product and put a new spin
   on it reminds me one of Edison's maxims.  He suggested that inventors
   should find out how something worked, and then find a better way of doing
   the same thing.


Dan Gonigal adds this about Edison's inventions:  He did invent the
   incandescent lamp (light bulb).  Some revisionists like to point to other
   earlier examples of people making electric lights, but they were never of
   any practical use, usually burning out within a few minutes.  Edison was
   the first one to build a PRACTICAL Incandescent lamp, i.e.: one that would
   not burn out after an hour or two.  He did this by having the filament
   "burn" in a vacuum (I think someone else may have tried to use  a vacuum,
   but they didn't have a vacuum pump nearly as good as Edison), as well as by
   discovering through long trial & error a material that would burn for long
   enough to make the lamp useful.  Edison deserves all the credit he's taken
   for the Incandescent lamp.

   And Edison also invented pretty much EVERYTHING related to lightbulbs,
   namely the electric utility and the very concept & methods of wiring houses
   for electricity, so that you could buy all those other neat-o electric
   appliances he was planning on inventing and just plug them in.

   He was also a major contributor to the development of motion pictures,
   although he is rarely credited as their sole "inventor." Credit is most
   commonly given to the Lumière Brothers, but depending how you define
   "motion pictures", there are many candidates.  It's probably most accurate
   to say that many people, Edison included, contributed ideas to what
   eventually became motion pictures as we know them.


Josh Thompson offers a different take on things:  if this ep had a redeeming
   quality for its lack of a strong plot, it was a certain subtle but
   noticeable (if you watch with the right slant, at least) Edison bashing.  I
   don't like Edison a whole lot (a fan of direct current, he went on the
   attack against Tesla, the inventor of the ac we all use in our houses), and
   I did catch, for instance, the loaded phrase (as best as I can quote it
   exactly) "he invented the light bulb all by himself" or "he single-handedly
   invented ..." or whatever.  both of these suggest a certain irony given the
   facts stated in the quoted posts. and then there's the whole struggle homer
   has with creativity.  a strange way to invent, given the famous Edison
   line, "genius is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration."


Finally, Bambi Battle gleaned some interesting Edison facts from
   <http://home.earthlink.net/~zummos/edison/index.htm>:  After Thomas Edison
   moved to the Menlo Park Laboratory he promised he would turn out a minor
   invention every 10 days and a "big trick" every six months.  Edison and his
   staff were working on as many as 40 projects at one time and he was
   applying for nearly 400 patents each year during this time.  Thomas Edison
   employed many people at his laboratories and under his direction they
   handled the bulk of the design, research and experimentation on the
   projects.

   All told, Thomas Edison received patents for 1093 inventions, as either
   sole inventor or co-inventor.  He received 389 for electric light and
   power, 195 for the phonograph, 150 for the telegraph, 141 for storage
   batteries, and 34 for the telephone.

   These are just a few of the 1093 patents issued to inventions of Thomas
   Alva Edison.

   Electrographic Vote-Recorder 1868 (Patent # 90,646)
   First patent granted to Thomas Edison.
   Printing Telegraph 1869
   Stock Ticker 1869
   Telegraph Transmitter 1870
   Telegraphic Recorder 1871
   Typewriter 1871
   Automatic Telegraph 1872
   Galvanic Storage Batteries 1872
   Duplex Telegraphs 1873
   Quadruplex Telegraph Repeater 1875
   Telephonic Telegraphs 1876
   Acoustic Telegraphs 1876
   Pneumatic Stencil Pens 1877
   Perforating Pens 1877
   Phonograph or Speaking Machine 1877
   Carbon Button Microphone 1878
   Typewriter 1878
   Dynamo 1879
   Incandescent Electric Lamp 1879
   Magnetic Ore Separator 1880
   Process for Preserving Fruit 1880
   Electric Meter 1881
   Dynamo Current regulator 1881
   Underground Electric Conductors 1882
   Telephone Repeater 1884
   Fuse Block 1885
   Thermo Electric Battery 1888
   Phonograph Recorder 1888
   Phonograph reproducer 1888
   Kinetograph and Projecting Kinetoscope 1897
   Reversible Galvanic Battery 1900
   Holder for Article to be Electroplated 1933 (Patent # 1,908,830)
   Last patent granted to Thomas Edison, 2 years after his death.


>> Homer Simpson, Inventin' Fool

A few people noticed that Homer's toilet-chair combo would require a working
   pipeline to be run into the living room.  Dan Gonigal suggests this may not
   really be the case:  On both occasions the scene ends just as the recliner
   is about to be used, so we really don't know how "successful" Homer's
   plumbing work was.


Jordan Eisenberg replies:  Well, we did see him flush it once.  Had there been
   an unsuccessful plumbing job, the water would have leaked out.

   I was originally under the impression that it operated like an outhouse,
   i.e., nothing but a deep pit to be sporadically emptied.  Now that I think
   about it, I don't know which is a worse idea.  (Didn't Tim invent this same
   thing on Home Improvement?)


>> If I had a hammer ...

At least one of Homer's inventions makes sense, sort of.  Mark Aaron Richey
   said in an aside:  I did think that the hammer was a pretty good idea.


Andrew Gill didn't think the idea, as Homer imagined it, was practical:  The
   hammer uses a pivot point, an extremely inefficient way to work (which also
   introduces problems as to angle of entry).  The way to correct that is to
   have a flat head punch parallel to the device.


Paul Tomko tells us how power hammers work in the real world:  I have used a
   compressed-air nailer on several occasions.  Basically, it is the size and
   shape of your palm.  On the non-palm side it has a small tube into which
   goes the nail head.  Inside the tube is a flat hammerhead surface.  This
   surface is triggered by pushing down on the nailhead.  It starts banging
   away at the head of the nail, powered by compressed air.  It works well in
   that it does not bend the nail frequently.  Also, it does not attempt to
   blast the nail in [the target material] in one shot.  Nail guns sometimes
   either don't get the nail all the way in, or blast it all the way through.

   [Note that since this has already been invented, neither Homer nor Edison's
   heirs would get any royalties for it -- Ed.]


>> He's not just an inventor, but a mathematician, as well

Curtis Cameron:  I thought that [3987^12 + 4365^12 = 4472^12] was another FLT
   reference, but Fox doesn't come in clearly enough at my house to let me
   actually read the blackboard. The new equation is even closer than the last
   one.  The one from Homer^3 was off by a factor of 275 parts per trillion,
   and the new one is off by only 19 ppt.


>> We were going to call him "The Wizard of West Orange," but that didn't sound as good

Dan Gonigal writes about Edison's Menlo Park lab:  the Menlo Park laboratory
   was built in 1876, was in use well into the 1880's and with the exception
   of motion pictures, (which Edison did not invent, the best that could be
   said was that he was one of several people who contributed to what
   eventually became projected movies), it produced all of Edison's most
   famous inventions, including the Telephone Transmitter (which radically
   improved the sound of Bell's telephone), the phonograph, the Electric Light
   and most importantly, that electric pen they use to give you a tattoo. Not
   to mention the fact that the laboratory itself was the world's first
   Industrial Research Lab.  After the invention of the Incandescent Lamp in
   1879-80 the lab gradually turned into a factory for the manufacture of
   light bulbs, electrical fixtures and various other electrical components
   and fell into disuse by the time the West Orange Lab was built in 1886.

   I'm not a nerd, I know all this stuff because I live within walking
   distance of the site of the Menlo Park Laboratory in Edison, New Jersey.  I
   was very interested when Homer & Bart set out for the "Edison Museum", as I
   was wondering if they were actually heading for my hometown.  I was waiting
   for them to arrive at the Menlo Park site only to find that Henry Ford had
   moved the entire laboratory to Michigan.  It would have been a bizarre
   joke, but it also happens to be the truth (all we have is a stupid Tower
   monument that is basically a light bulb on a stick).  As it is, it seems
   they went to either the West Orange lab or the Michigan site where the
   Menlo Park lab was moved to, but I like to think that the writers didn't
   know that the Lab is no longer here and did have Bart & Homer visit Edison,
   NJ.

   Honest, I'm not a nerd.


>> "Oh, nooooo ..."

Ben Douwsma elaborates on the legend of Mr. Bill:  Mr. Bill is a clay
   (actually Play-doh) man by Walter Williams who used to appear quite
   frequently on "Saturday Night Live" from 1978-80.  The plots involve Mr.
   Bill and his dog Spot (and, in the 1979-80 season, his girlfriend Miss
   Sally) getting disemboweled by Mr. Hands (a pair of hands), and various
   Sluggos (evil blue Play-doh men).  In the early films, Mr. Hands is played
   by Ellen Degeneres' brother, Vance.


>> What?  There's something Edison didn't invent?

Diego Kontarovsky thinks so, and he can prove it:  It seems to me it'd be
   pretty obvious that Edison didn't invent the electric hammer.  For one
   thing, the materials Homer used could be proven to have been produced after
   Edison died.  Also, wouldn't there be a surveillance camera in the museum
   that can prove the hammer was Homer's?


>> The Edison Museum

As Dan Gonigal mentioned, the site in Edison isn't as impressive as shown on
   TV.  Roger Sheng adds:  I live in Edison, New Jersey, where Menlo Park is
   located. The only museumn about Thomas Edison in Edison is the Edison
   Tower. THe tower itself is not a museum, but the visitor's center is. The
   visitor's center has only 2 small rooms. The gift shop isn't a room to
   itself. There is no room for the gift shop because they only sell magnets
   and bumper stickers.


And now a word from the Ft. Meyers chamber of commerce, courtesy Benjamin
   Robinson:  Now, if this don't put the "dink" in co-inky-dink!  The very
   same week "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace" aired, I visited the
   Edison/Ford museum in Fort Myers, Florida.  (And, this visit was arranged
   before the season premiere was announced!)

   Fort Myers was chosen because Edison had his winter home there.  So did his
   friend Henry Ford, who bought the house next door so he and his buddy could
   go camping together.  In addition to the house, the Edison compound had a
   small office, a swimming pool (one of the first in the area), and a
   research laboratory.  In this lab, Edison conducted his last major "hands-
   on" research project, which was a search to find a domestic source of
   rubber.  On the grounds are a vast number of exotic plants, many of which
   are poisonous.  You can almost hear Bart saying, "Wow, cool, man."

   Today you can visit this estate, which features a guided tour of the
   grounds and the buildings.  (Alas, we had to content ourselves with looking
   through the doorways of the main Edison house, since trooping thousands of
   tourists through rooms filled with breakable antiques isn't a good idea.
   You do get an up-close look at the research lab, though.)  There's also a
   museum showing examples of the many things Edison invented.  It looked like
   a turn-of-the-century version of Circuit City to me.

   This is where I was expecting Homer to go, but that didn't happen.  Oh,
   well ....

   (Bonus visitor's tip, if you decide to go.  Since much of the tour is
   outside, you'll enjoy yourself more if you pick a nice, sunny day to make
   your visit.  And yes, there is a gift shop.)


>> Leonardo Da Vinci and Eli Whitney, Inventin' Fools

Mark Aaron Richey briefly describes this pair:  Eli Whitney-Inventor of the
   cotton gin, a machine that made it easy to clean the seeds out of cotton,
   making it profitable to grow it.  He also invented a machine that made
   uniform gun parts.  He is the father of mass production.

   Leonardo Da Vinci-Arguably the most prolific Renaissance man in history, Da
   Vinci was a famous painter (including the Mona Lisa), scientist, and
   inventor.  Among the things he came up with were the parachute and a flying
   machine.  He also believed that the earth revolved around the sun, instead
   of the other way around, the common belief at the time.


Speaking of Da Vinci, Dan Gonigal muses on how Edison would compare himself to
   the Italian inventor:  Edison would not have felt he was in Da Vinci's
   shadow.  They were two entirely different types of people with different
   priorities.  Da Vinci was a dreamer, a theorist, and lover of "pure
   science" (or what passed for science in his day). His notebooks are filled
   with fantastic ideas and sketches, but very few of his projects were ever
   built, and most of his ideas were left unfinished & not followed up on.

   Edison was an eminently practical man, had no scientific training & was
   interested in science only to the extent that it could be applied to
   practical use.  When he had an idea he doggedly followed it through to the
   end, and he made the most of every idea he had, patenting everything and
   marketing it to the hilt.

   Edison would probably have thought Da Vinci was a loser who wasted his
   intellect on useless things like creating great works of art instead of
   staying up every night tirelessly working until he got that damn airplane
   to fly right so he could make money off it.


>> Unseen humor

Twice, this episode alluded to humorous incidents, without actually showing
   them.  We never learn exactly how Homer quit his job, or what incident
   forced his exile from the "big people" library.


To Eric Sansoni, these incidents registered as laziness:  I understand the
   style of joke, but these weren't great examples of it, and it seems more
   like a pretty convenient way to avoid writing a real joke. Look at an
   earlier, better example from Itchy and Scratchy Land, when Homer takes the
   mysterious shortcut.  We're set up to believe something unexpected and
   wacky is going to happen, and although we don't know what it is, we see the
   very funny shocking results of it all over the Simpsons' car.  We get
   enough info to begin to imagine what sort of hilarity might have ensued.
   Here the only funny angle is Homer's attitude toward what happened.  We
   don't get any concrete ideas of what might have gone on.  Maybe I could
   accept one joke like this, but trying to pull the same non-joke joke twice
   in one episode is pretty lazy writing.  What's the quote?  "If the readers
   want to use their imagination, let them write their own damn books."


Greg Moody replies:  I disagree.  *Showing* Homer quitting his job or the
   incident at the library would have been pointless, nearly-unrelated
   sidetracks in the episode.  The details weren't important to the storyline.
   On the other hand, a vague reference that lets you use your imagination
   keeps the focus, and is probably *funnier* because any number of wacky
   circumstances could have taken place -- whatever you think would be
   funniest is what you'd think of, and odds are *that's* funnier than
   anything the writers could have come up with (that's not a dig at them,
   either). I'd actually call it clever efficiency of writing, not laziness.


Well, okay, Michael Morbius did have guess as to what Homer did in the
   library:  Eat.  See, tried to read magazines at the Kwik-E-Mart and Apu
   said, "This is not a library!" and he tried to *eat* at the library, and
   the librarian said, "This is not a Kwik-E-Mart!"  Funnily enough, this very
   joke was used in *Simpsons Comics* but with the three nerds, Doug, Gary,
   and Benjamin in place of Homer.


>> Miscellaneous, Etc.

The Haynes Lee alterna-title for this show is:  Watt's Up Homer?


Dale G. Abersold:  [William Daniels joins] that exclusive list of celebrities
   who have had their voices impersonated on the show, and then actually
   appeared sometime later.  (Who can forget ... Knightboat).


Don Del Grande:  When Homer tipped over in his chair the first time, was I the
   only one who thought, "Homer needs to invent a way to keep from tipping the
   chair over"?


Patrick Geahan:  One of the other states listed on Homer's freeway exit sign
   was Michigan - where the Menlo Park lab is now, at a place called
   Greenfield Village.


Joe Klemm:  Heckle and Jeckle are two talking magpies, not crows, created by
   Terrytoons, the company that makes Mighty Mouse.  One of the more popular
   Terrytoon characters, they have appeared in short films and their own TV
   show.


Michael Morbius:  Fletcherism is the practice of chewing food thoroughly to
   aid in digestion.


Tony Hill, on the other hand, says:  Fletcherism, the views of Alice Fletcher,
   held that Indians should be confined to defined reservations.


Mark Aaron Richey:  James Watt-A Scottish engineer, who made major
   improvements on the steam engine.  A power unit, the watt, is named for him


==============================================================================
> Quotes and Scene Summary  {jo}
==============================================================================
% At the KBBL radio station, the disc jockeys do moronic news jokes
 accompanied by bad sound effects.

Bill:       Hey, Springfield, if you're driving, you may want to sit
            down!
Marty:      Uh, oh!  Because it's time for Bill and Marty's Five
            O'clock News Flush!  [toilet flushing sound plays]
Bill:       Our topless story:  President Clinton has launched a new
            website!
Marty:      Uh, oh!  Wait, let me guess ... www.[wolf-
            whistle].[boing!]!
Homer:      [listening in his car, laughing] Website.
Bill:       Okay, here's another News Flush!  [toilet flush sound]
            Doctors say the life expectancy of the average man is now
            seventy-six point two years!
Homer:      [gasps and spins his car out across the highway ]  Seventy-
            six point two?  But I'm already thirty-eight point one!
            I've wasted half my life!  [exits car, walks across
            highway]  Half my life gone, and I'm only guaranteed thirty
            eight more years!
            [Homer walks over to a highway phone after nearly being
            struck by several passing cars, and picks up the receiver]
            Marge, I've wasted half my life!
Operator:   Sir, do you need a tow truck?
Homer:      What are you talking about, Marge?  I don't need a ...
            [behind him, another car collides with the one he left on
            the highway]
            Okay, send the truck.
-- "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% Later that evening, Homer sits in his bed, eating a sack of flour.
 Marge comes in to comfort him, and suggests Homer switch to his sugar
 bad.  Homer too depressed for sugar, though.  Feeling he has not
 accomplished anything in life, he can only imagine how little he'll be
 regarded after he's gone.
%
% In Homer's imagination, the gates to the Graveyard of the Future
 open, where his funeral is taking place.  Ned Flanders does the
 ceremony, while a suited Lenny and two bodyguards, Barney Gumble with
 his arms full of Oscars, as well as a robot and Heckle and Jeckle,
 stand by.

Ned:      No, Homer wasn't a great man, nor even an adequate man.  And
          he certainly never accomplished anything.  Uh, President
          Lenny, do you have anything to say?
Lenny:    Nah.
Ned:      All right, fair enough.  Toss him in the hole, boys.
          [a dump truck lets loose a mound of dirt, along with the body
          of Homer J. Simpson, into the hole below.  After the dirt
          settles, his feet stick up, unburied]
Heckle:   There goes a real sack of crap!
Jeckle:   Indubitably, old chum!
-- "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% As the two birds leave, a pair of dogs come along and bite on Homer's
 feet.  Back in Homer's bedroom, Homer moans at his own depressive
 vision.

Homer:    Oh ... Marge, no matter what happens in the future, promise
          me you won't vote for Lenny.
Marge:    Okay, but you've accomplished a lot!  You've made me very
          happy.
Homer:    Oh, yeah, they'll put me on a stamp for that!
Marge:    [grumbles]
Homer:    I've wasted half my life, Marge.  You know how many memories
          I have?  Three!  Standing in line for a movie, having a key
          made, and sitting here talking to you.  Thirty-eight years
          and that's all I have to show for it!
Marge:    You're thirty-nine.
-- Marge Simpson, master comforter, "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% This proves too much for poor Homer to bear; he cries out and curls
 up into a ball on the bed, squirming.
%
% The next evening, Homer comes home from work shirtless, unshaven, and
 down in the dumps.  He drags himself inside, where Lisa meets him at
 the door.  She takes him by the hand and leads him into the den, where
 the rest of the family flips on the lights and surprises him.
%
% The family shouts in unison (well, Grampa's a bit off) "Homer
 Simpson, welcome to your life!"

Marge:    The kids and I want to show you all the great things you've
          done.
Homer:    Oh, all right, maybe I can pinpoint where my life went wrong.
Bart:     Quiet, Dad, or we'll have to throw you out of here.
-- "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% The film starts, when suddenly Grandpa points at the projection
 screen and yells, "The pictures!  They're coming alive!"  The first
 clip is a shot of Homer eating a tube of astronaut food in a space
 shuttle.

Lisa:     There you are in outer space.  That's pretty impressive.
Homer:    Eh, all we did was grow some space tomatoes and sabotage Mir.
          [the film shows the space shuttle crashing into the Russian
          space station, angering two cosmonauts inside]
Bart:     Remember when you almost became heavyweight champ?
          [the film shows Drederick Tatum unloading into Homer's face]
Homer:    No ...
Abe:      [watching the film] Finish him!  Finish him!
Marge:    Well, there's certainly no greater accomplishment than
          fathering three beautiful children.
          [the film shows Homer playing football with his kids; Bart
          hikes him the ball, and the three of them tackle him as they
          all laugh]
Homer:    Aw, I should've punted.  Turn it off, turn it off!
Bart:     Hang on, Dad, this next part will definitely make you feel
          better about yourself!
          [On the film, a familiar black car drives up]
KITT:     Hello, Homer, it's me, KITT, from TV's "Knight Rider".
Homer:    [gasps loudly]
KITT:     Your family has asked me to take time out from my busy
          schedule to invite you to a [film suddenly slows down] very
          ... special ... [film gets stuck and then melts]
-- It's a wonderful life, "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% The technical difficulties are the last straw for Homer.

Homer:    Oh, stupid movies!  [bangs projector]  Who invented these
          dumb things anyway?  Was it you, Bart?
Lisa:     It was Thomas Edison, Dad.
Bart:     I thought he invented the light bulb.
Lisa:     That too.  He also invented the phonograph, the microphone,
          and the electric car.
Homer:    No one man can do all that.  You're a liar, honey, a dirty
          rotten liar.
Abe:      Finish her!  Finish her!
Lisa:     It's true.  I read it at a placemat at a restaurant.
Homer:    Really?  A restaurant?  Well, now I don't know what to think.
-- I think you should get her a decent encyclopedia, "The Wizard of
   Evergreen Terrace"

% At his school library, Bart runs on top of a large globe, spinning
 it.  A group of other children cheer him on, until Homer yells, "Cut
 it out, boy!"; he slips, sliding onto a nearby table where Homer
 reads.

Bart:     Dad, what are you doing here?
Homer:    Reading about this Edison character.  They won't let me in
          the big people library downtown, there was some ...
          unpleasantness, I can never go back.  Ooh!  [reading a pop-up
          book]  Look at all the inventions Edison came up with:  the
          stock ticker, the storage battery, even wax paper!  And look
          at him dance!
          [Homer fiddles with levers on the sides of the book, moving
          Edison's legs.  He does a little scat singing as musical
          accompaniment]
          And, these Hardy Boys books are great, too!  This one's about
          smugglers!
Bart:     They're all about smugglers.
Homer:    No, not this one!  "The Smugglers of Pirate Cove".  It's
          about pirates.
-- Homer Simpson for America's Libraries, "The Wizard of Evergreen
   Terrace"

% A librarian comes over to Homer's table.

Librarian:     Excuse me, are you a student at this school?
Homer:         I think it's pretty obvious that I am!  [holds up a
               pencil with a paper flag reading 'school' attached]  Go
               school!
-- He's a non-traditional student, "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% At Moe's, the usual patrons sit around the bar, listening to Lenny's
 story.

Lenny:    So, this broad stands up in the ocean, and this big wave
          knocks her bathing suit off.  [patrons murmur with approval]
Moe:      Yeah, and then what happens?  Omit no detail, however small,
          or filthy.
Lenny:    So anyway, this is the part you'll remember for the rest of
          your lives ...
Homer:    Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, great story Lenny.  But here's one
          that's even more spellbinding.  Once upon a time, there was a
          man named Thomas Edison, and he invented the dictating
          machine, and the fluoroscope, and the repeating telegraph ...
          [time passes.  The patrons are bored out of their minds,
          still listening to Homer talk about Edison]
Homer:    And he was a firm believer in Fletcherism, and he played the
          organ, and his favorite flower was the heliotrope!  Oh!  And
          his middle name was Alva.  And he never, ever, ever wore
          pajamas, and ...
Moe:      Okay, I think we've been polite long enough here ... Lenny!
          What happened with the dame in the bathing suit?
Lenny:    Uh ... oh.  Uh, oh nuts!  I forgot!  All I can think of now
          is Edison, I can't even remember where I work.  [walks off]
Homer:    Well, I remember where Edison worked!  It was Menlo Park.
          That's where he came up with the tacimeter, the ore
          separator, and ...
Carl:     Uh, James Watt invented the steam engine.
Homer:    That's boring.  You're boring everybody!  Quit boring
          everyone!
-- "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% In bed with Marge that night, Homer still won't shut up.

Homer:    And then he worked on a machine to communicate with the dead.
          Kind of scary telephone, I guess.  Or maybe he planned to
          just stick his head under the ground and yell.
Marge:    All right, already!  Everyone knows the man accomplished a
          lot.  Maybe because he didn't spend every moment talking
          about Thomas Edison!
Homer:    Oh, that's where you're wrong, Marge.  He was a shameless
          self-promoter.
Marge:    Well, you're not Thomas Edison.
Homer:    Marge, that's it!  That's why I haven't done anything with my
          life!  I need to be more like Thomas Edison.
Marge:    Whatever.
Homer:    And I'm starting right now.  No more damn pajamas!  [takes
          off pajamas and throws them out the window]  From this day
          forward, I am an inventor!
Man:      [on the sidewalk below, walking his dog]  Do us a favor.
          Invent yourself some underpants!
-- "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% [End of Act One.  Time:  7:28]
%
% At his house, Homer gets out of his car, whistling.  Inside, Marge is
 feeding Maggie in the kitchen, where Homer goes for a Duff.

Homer:    Well, I quit my job, just like you said to.
Marge:    I didn't tell you to quit your job.
Homer:    Yes, you did!  I remember your exact words.  You said I
          should quit my job, and become an inventor, or you'd torch
          the house.
Marge:    That doesn't sound like me.  Well, I suppose if this doesn't
          work out, you can always go back to the plant.
Homer:    [chuckling] Not the way I quit.  [laughs some more]  Hoo-hoo.
-- "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% In the basement, Homer has a workshop set up, including a poster of
 Thomas Edison and a chart comparing Edison's progress (203 inventions)
 to his own (zero).  While Homer tries to think up an invention, Marge
 brings a basket of laundry downstairs.

Marge:    Something electrical might be good.
Homer:    Weh, eh, eh, let me handle the creative end of this, Marge.
          You don't understand how the creative mind works like I do.
Marge:    Oh?
Homer:    You look at this table, and what do you see?  Just a table.
          Now a creative person like me looks at this table and sees
          all kinds of creative things.  But no tables!
Marge:    Homer, that's not a table, that's our dryer.
Homer:    [screams] My files!  [opens the dryer, and several pieces of
          paper come flying out]
-- "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% Later, at an actual table, Homer is still staring at a blank notepad.
 "Hmm, this isn't working," he concludes, "I've got to try a different
 approach."  Homer tries crossing his legs a different way, then stands
 and rubs his chin, trying to find the best thinking pose.  Walking
 backwards, he charges the notepad and stares it down hopefully.  When
 this doesn't work, he starts puffing on a cigar.  Lisa and Bart walk
 up to find him choking.

Lisa:     You started smoking, Dad?
Homer:    Yes.  Thomas Edison smoked several cigars a day.
Bart:     [holds up Homer's empty notepad]  Yeah, he invented stuff,
          too.
Homer:    Shut up.
-- "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% Homer, leaning back in his chair a bit too far, falls backwards.  He
gets up, unhurt, sitting back down.

Homer:    As long as you're here annoying me, let's have a
          brainstorming session.  Here's how it works.  Lisa, you say
          one thing, then Bart, you say another, just toss out things
          and I'll use my inventive mind to combine them into a
          brilliant, original idea.
Lisa:     Okay.  Um ... automatic ...
Bart:     Butt.
Homer:    Okay.
Lisa:     Fluorescent ...
Bart:     Booger.
Homer:    Mmm, hmm.  Wait a minute, these aren't exciting new products!
          You're not even trying.  Okay, that's it, both of you go to
          your rooms and spank yourselves.
-- Electric ... spanker, "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% Grumbling, the kids walk up the stairs as Marge comes down with a
 tray of food.  She tells Homer that he can't punish the kids for his
 inability to think of an invention.  Homer counters by saying he can
 do what he wants with the kids, since he owns them.  Marge makes a
 disapproving noise, and he amends that to "*we* own them."  Marge
 makes a noise that could be possibly construed as meaning "That's
 better."
%
% Homer decides to seek help from Springfield's scientific community.
 At Professor Frink's laboratory, the professor loads Homer down with a
 stack of books.

Frink:    And these should give you the grounding you'll need in
          thermodynamics, hypermathematics, and of course
          microcalifragilistics, moodavit.
Homer:    Look, I just wanna know how to invent things.  Tell me!
Frink:    Eh, all you have to do is think of things that people need,
          but don't exist yet.
Homer:    You mean like an electric blanket-mobile?
Frink:    Uh, well, possibly ... or, you could take something that
          already exists, and find a new use for it, like ...
Homer:    Hamburger earmuffs!
Frink:    Eh, well, I suppose that would qualify ...
Homer:    Thanks, sucker!
Frink:    Wha, oop ... all right, just stay calm, Frinkie.  These
          babies will be in the stores while he's still grappling with
          the pickle matrix!  Gyvinblayvin!
-- "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% Down in the basement, Homer works out a few equations on the
 chalkboard, hammers, saws, welds, and finally blows up the basement.
 Walking over to a chart, he changes a "greater than" sign to a "less
 than" sign, and goes back to work.  Later, a much bigger explosion
 rocks the house; walking over to the chalkboard, he erases a stick of
 dynamite from his schematics.
%
% Sometime later, he presents his work to the rest of the family; it
 sits on a table underneath a sheet.

Homer:    Okay, I have here the four greatest inventions in the history
          of mankind.  [pulls off sheet]  First, my all-purpose
          electric hammer.  For all your pounding needs!
          [Homer holds up a hammer connected to a motor; he starts
          hammering a nail into the wall, when suddenly the hammer goes
          out of control, knocking holes in the wall, hitting him in
          the head, and dragging him across the floor until he manages
          to shut it off]
          Probably needs to be more powerful.
Bart:     [pulls out money] I'll buy ten of those right now!
-- He's Springfield's Tim Taylor, "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% Undaunted, Homer holds up his next invention, which is a round white
 device that resembles a smoke detector.

Homer:    Now, here's my "Everything's O.K." alarm!
          [Homer flips a switch the device, and it begins to emit a
          high pitched, incredibly loud beep.  The rest of the Simpsons
          cover their ears as Homer speaks up]
Homer:    This will sound every three seconds, unless something isn't
          okay!
Marge:    Turn it off, Homer!
Homer:    It can't be turned off!  [alarm fizzles out]  But it, uh,
          does break easily.
-- "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% Homer moves on to his next invention.

Homer:    Now, this next one's for the ladies.  How many times have you
          gals been late for a high-powered business meeting, only to
          realize you're not wearing make-up?
Marge:    That's every woman's nightmare.
Homer:    That's why I invented this revolutionary make-up gun.  It's
          for the woman who only has four-fifths of a second to get
          ready.  Close your eyes, Marge.
          [Homer fires the make-up gun, which appears to be a shotgun
          with some containers of liquid attached, into Marge's face.
          After the cloud of dust vanishes, she ends up with way too
          much on]
Homer:    Now you're ready for a night on the town.  [holds up a
          mirror]
Marge:    [gasps] Homer!  You've got it set on "whore".
Homer:    Okay, this time try to keep your nostrils closed.
          [Homer points the gun at her, but she pushes it away from her
          face.  A vaguely face-shaped blotch of make-up stains the
          wall]
Homer:    Oh, look what you did.  Now I have to go get my cold-cream
          gun.
Lisa:     Dad, women won't like being shot in the face.
Homer:    Women will like what I tell them to like!
-- "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% Homer walks up to a brown recliner.

Homer:    Now here's something for everyone.  In the olden times, if
          you were watching TV and nature called, you'd have to get up
          and walk to the bathroom.  It was the hardest thing in the
          world to do.  But now, with the Lazy-Man Reclining Toilet-
          Chair, you can just lean back and let 'er rip!
Lisa:     You expect people to go to the bathroom in their living
          rooms?
Homer:    Sure!  Believe me, every man in America will want to have
          one.
          [Homer flushes the chair; it actually works]
Bart:     Gangway, gotta poop!
Marge:    No, Bart!  [holds Bart back]  Homer, all these inventions,
          they're ...
Homer:    Yes?
Marge:    They're not very ...
Homer:    Yes?  Yes?  Yes?
Marge:    They're terrible.
Homer:    What?
Marge:    I'm not saying you're a bad inventor ... I'm saying these
          particular inventions are awful!  And no one in their right
          mind would buy them.  Or accept them as gifts!
Homer:    But this is the best I could do.  I guess I'm no better at
          being Thomas Edison than I was at being Homer Simpson.
          [Homer walks out of the room, dejected]
Marge:    Oh, dear.  I hope I wasn't too rough on him.
Lisa:     Somebody had to tell him, Mom.  In the long run, it's much
          kinder to ...
Bart:     [interrupts his sister by clearing his throat.  The camera
          pans over to him and we see he's on the toilet-chair reading
          a newspaper]
          Do you mind?
-- "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% [End of Act Two.  Time:  14:54]
%
% The Simpsons are eating dinner in the dining room.

Homer:    All week, my lifelong dream was to be the next Thomas Edison.
          But now, it's over.  I guess I'll just give up my hopes and
          dreams and settle for being a decent husband and father.
          [Homer leans back in his chair and tips over; the whole
          family panics, until Homer's chair suddenly stops halfway
          down]
Marge:    What happened?  You didn't fall.
Homer:    Oh, that.  I stuck a couple extra legs on there, 'cause I
          kept tipping over when I was trying to invent stuff.
Lisa:     They're on hinges.  That's really ingenious, Dad!
Marge:    It could save lives!
Homer:    Really?  You think it's a good idea?
Bart:     Oh, yeah!  Safety sells!  Especially to lame-os.
Marge:    I'd buy one.
Lisa:     Me too.
-- Point made, "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% Homer triumphantly walks out of the room, but comes back in and grabs
 his chair, eyeing the other Simpsons accusingly.  He leaves, but comes
 back in one more time for his plate, again watching the others
 carefully.
%
% In the basement, Homer shows the Edison poster his work.

Homer:    Look, Mr. Edison, I did it!  I'm an inventor!  And I owe it
          all to you!  [sits down on the chair] See, it's just a
          regular chair, [leans back] but I attached a couple of extra
          legs to the back, kind of like the ones on the back of your
          ...
          [Homer stares closely at the poster, and realizes that Edison
          has the same device on his chair]
Homer:    Aww, dammit!!
Bart:     [coming downstairs] Hey, Dad, I heard you swearing.  Mind if
          I join in?  Crap, boobs, crap.
Homer:    I thought I had a great idea, but I must've seen it on this
          poster.
Bart:     If Edison thought of that chair, how come it's not on this
          chart?
Homer:    It's not?  Maybe he never told anyone about it!  That chair
          might be the only one he made!
Bart:     So ...?
Homer:    So, we've got to go to the Edison Museum and smash it.  Then
          I'll be an inventor!
Bart:     But I thought you loved Edison.
Homer:    Aw, to hell with him.
Bart:     Yeah!  Hell damn fart!
-- "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% Homer pulls out of his driveway, squealing the tires.  As he leaves,
 he shouts to Marge, who's cleaning the mailbox, that he's taking Bart
 ... and Marge's wallet.
%
% On the highway, Bart and Homer take a peculiar exit to the Edison
 Museum.  Homer regales Bart with stories of Thomas Edison, Jr. until
 the boy falls asleep in the front seat.  Homer looks on fondly.  He
 begins to fall asleep himself, and sees, in the middle of the road,
 the ghost of Thomas Alva Edison.  The specter warns Homer not to smash
 his chair, but Homer punches it, and drives straight for him.  Edison
 runs at first, but gets knocked under the car after running a bit.
 Edison shouts "I'll get you, you fat lunatic," at Homer as he drives
 off; hearing this, Homer stops and begins backing up; Edison timidly
 crawls behind a bush to hide.
%
% The next morning at the Edison Museum, Homer and Bart run up to the
 front entrance, where a line to get in has formed.  They wait behind
 another father with his son.  Bart is excited that the museum is still
 open.  The father ahead of the Simpsons yells at his son, "Why don't
 you like Edison that much?" and slaps him upside the head.
%
% Inside the museum, a tour guide leads Homer, Bart, and the rest of
 the group around.

Tour Guide:    Hey folks, do you like riddles?  [crowd murmurs]  Okay,
               then.  How many geniuses does it take to invent a light
               bulb?  [waits]  Just one.  Thomas Edison.
               [the tour group claps approvingly.  The guide takes them
               to a door closed off by a velvet rope]
               Now, behind that door is Edison's actual preserved
               brain.  Ordinarily, folks, tour groups are not allowed
               to see it.  [removes the rope]  And of course, today
               will be no exception.  [replaces the rope]  Now no tour
               would be complete without a visit to Edison's boyhood
               gift shop.
-- "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% The tour guide leads them all inside and shuts the door behind them.
 Still in the museum, Homer and Bart come out of hiding and decide to
 take care of business.  Walking over to the Edison chair, they knock
 the Edison dummy off.

Homer:    Out of the way!  This is one invention you're not getting
          credit for, you inspiration hog!
Bart:     Your electric hammer, maestro?
Homer:    Invent your way out of this, Edison!
          [Homer holds his electric hammer above his head, preparing to
          smash the chair, when he looks over and sees a chart on the
          wall.  It's one of Edison's own, comparing his progress to
          Leonardo Da Vinci's]
Homer:    Look, son ... Edison was just like me.
Bart:     You mean the wild mood swings?
Homer:    No!  We both lived in another man's shadow.  This old-timey
          nerd and I have suffered the same frustration and heartache.
          We're not rivals.  We're just a couple of dreamers who set
          the bar a little too high.  I can't destroy your work, my
          friend.
Bart:     Can I?
Homer:    No, but we'll stop off at the Da Vinci museum on the way
          home.
Bart:     Uh, I think that's in Italy, Dad.
Homer:    Oh.  Well, then we'll take it out on Eli Whitney.
-- "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"

% At home, Bart and Homer watch the news.

Brockman:   Authorities say the phony pope can be recognized by his
            high-top sneakers, and incredibly foul mouth.  In other
            news, Thomas Edison, the greatest inventor of all time, is
            apparently still inventing, despite the notable handicap of
            being dead!
Homer:      That's my Tommy!
Brockman:   Two new Edison creations have just been discovered in his
            museum.  A six-legged chair that won't tip over, and even
            more astounding, an electric hammer.
            [some footage of the tour guide demonstrating the
            inventions rolls.  Homer, though silent, twitches his eyes
            and clenches his teeth]
Marge:      That was your idea!
Brockman:   This brilliant invention is expected to generate millions
            for Edison's already wealthy heirs.
            [the news runs footage of two people enjoying a sackful of
            money, labeling it a "dramatization" at the bottom of the
            screen]
Lisa:       Dad, those should be your millions!
Bart:       I gotta admit, Homer, you're taking this pretty well.
Homer:      Let's just say I'm sitting in the right chair.
-- They called me mad when I invented it, "The Wizard of Evergreen
   Terrace"

% Homer, still furiously staring quietly at the television, reclines a
 bit on his Toilet-Chair.
%
% [End of Act Three.  Time:  21:01]


==============================================================================
> Contributors
==============================================================================
{ad}  Anthony Dean
{ag}  Andrew Gill
{bjr} Benjamin Robinson
{brk} Brian Rawson-Ketchum
{dc}  Danny Clement
{ddg} Don Del Grande
{dj}  Darrel Jones
{dk}  Diego Kontarovsky
{hl}  Haynes Lee
{je}  Jordan Eisenberg
{jj}  John Jensen
{jk}  Joe Klemm
{ma}  Matthew Anscher
{mar} Mark Richey
{ol}  Ondre Lombard
{rb}  Rich Bunnell
{rv}  Robert Vandergraaf
{sb}  Simon Byrd
{ss}  Samuel Sklaroff
{th}  Tony Hill
{tr}  Tom Rinschler
{yd}  Yuri Dieujuste

==============================================================================
> Legal Mumbo Jumbo
==============================================================================
This episode capsule is Copyright 2000 The Simpsons Archive.  It is not to be
redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current
maintainer (capsules@snpp.com).  All quoted material and episode summaries
remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox.  All
other contributions remain the properties of their respective authors.  The
transcript itself is Copyright 1998 John Ogan.  This capsule has been brought
to you by the Consolidated Edison Corp.

This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie,
Frederic Briere, and all of those who made episode capsules what they are
today.

Many thanks to Frederic Briere, who provided me with alt.tv.simpsons archives
when needed, and to Don Del Grande, who listed the blackboard opening and
couch scene.  (I somehow cut them off while taping.)  This capsule wouldn't be
nearly as complete without their invaluable help.