Lisa the Simpson                                     Written by Ned Goldreyer
                                                     Directed by Susie Dietter
==============================================================================
Production code: 4F24                      Original Airdate on FOX: 8-Mar-1998
Capsule revision A (12-Aug-2006)
==============================================================================
>"TV Guide" Synopsis"
==============================================================================
   Fearing that as a Simpson she is genetically predisposed to lose her
   intelligence, Lisa encounters some surprising evidence. Meanwhine, Apu
   discovers Jasper completely frozen inside one of the Kwik-E-Mart freezers
   and turns him into a tourist attraction.

==============================================================================
>Title sequence
==============================================================================
Blackboard:     None due to shortened intro.

Couch gag:      A vine sprouts in front of the couch. Each family member
                resembles a fruit or vegetable.

==============================================================================
>Did You Notice...
==============================================================================
   ... Mrs. Krabappel arriving at school the same time as the children?
   ... Lisa's Happy Little Elves lunchbox?
   ... Maggie playing with a brush during Abe's haircut?
   ... Maggie reaching for the scissors as Abe and Lisa leave for the attic?
   ... Lisa puts her agricultural project pig eraser to use at home?

Nathan Mulac DeHoff:
   ... Kent Brockman doesn't seem to recognize Lisa, despite her frequent
       appearances on "Smartline"?
   ... Herb Powell didn't attend the gathering of Simpsons?
   ... the oil tycoon closely resembles several other Texans who have
       appeared on the show?

Jordan Eisenberg:
   ... this episode was delayed 22 weeks?
   ... Lisa's saxophone case leaning on her shelf?
   ... Lisa's fantasy had a Groening portrayal of Elvis on the back wall?
   ... we hear a dog barking in the distance?
   ... the microphone on Lisa's skirt?
   ... Marge saw Lisa on TV but only gasped when they said her name?

Jeremy Gallen:
   ... future Lisa has a bald kid?
   ... there are more Simpson men than women?
   ... the violinist plays a chord?

Andrew Gill:
   ... the last time that Lisa wrote in her log, she was becoming more like
       Bart? (In "Separate Vocations (8F15)".)

Don Del Grande:
   ... some of the things the Simpsons appear as in the opening (Lisa's
       pineapple, for example) are things that don't grow on vines/trees?
   ... Channel 6 is a FOX affiliate? (It's showing "Non-Stop FOX".)
   ... there exist other Simpson women with "Lisa-style hair"?
   ... either "Dr. Simpson" isn't married, or she goes by her maiden name,
       something Lisa intends on doing as well?
   ... fortunately for Lisa, she never thought about how the women on Marge's
       side of the family turned out? (Is there a "Bouvier gene" that kicks
       in at some age?)

Tony Hill:
   ... Abe uses a table cloth as a bib?
   ... Apu doesn't accept food stamps?

Joe Klemm:
   ... Chief Wiggum wore his uniform to bed?

Haynes Lee:
   ... it took three calendar years to show the entire 4F series? (The same
       thing happened to the 3F series and it will also take 4 years on top
       of that to show the additional 3G episodes.)
   ... Lunch Lady Doris in the cafeteria?
   ... Trailer trash Lisa is as obese as Homer in "King-Size Homer"?
   ... Trailer trash Ralph's outfit? (I think that Ralph was wearing that
       crazy outfit because he is now Sideshow Ralph Wiggum, as mentioned in
       "Lisa's Wedding" a few years ago.) [Although Jordan Eisenberg
       inteprets the outfit as a fast food outfit. --hmw]
   ... one of the female Simpsons looks like Miss Hoover?

Ondre Lombard:
   ... how eerie it is that Homer and Bart are watching the TV in the dark?
   ... Kirk and Luanne Van Houten stand closely together at the Freak-E-Mart?
   ... Lisa imagines that she grows up to have eight children?
   ... Lisa's son "Wesley" looks like a girl?
   ... all the male Simpsons sound and look a lot like Homer in some way?
   ... the ending indicates Marge was right all along about Lisa just having
       a bad day?
   ... since there seemed to be basically no attempt to thoroughly cover
       Sanjay's privates, he is clearly anatomically incorrect?

Benjamin Robinson:
   ... the mood of the children and teachers as they came to school, compared
       with how they left?
   ... the "No Nukes" sign in the attic?
   ... as she chronicles her fear of "dumbening," Lisa's handwriting looks
       sloppier than usual? (And it does improve when she's convinced she'll
       remain smart?)
   ... Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" plays during the "When Buildings
       Collapse" special?
   ... some of Lisa's imagined children (Wesley in particular) look like
       future Maggie from "Lisa's Wedding" (2F15)?
   ... Homer pays enough attention to local politics to know about an
       obscure proposition?
   ... Dr. Simpson looks a lot like a middle-aged Lisa?
   ... for all her denying that she'll end up like Homer, Lisa still
       celebrates triumph ("Woo Hoo!") the way he does?
   ... despite the nudity and innuendo, no "S" and "D" modifiers were
       attatched to the "TV-PG" rating?

Mike Smith:
   ... adult Ralph has a moustache?
   ... this is the last episode for David Silverman, Bill Oakley and Josh
       Weinstein?
   ... this is the latest first airing of a leftover episode ever?

Robert Vasquez:
   ... the Leaning Tower of Pisa fell over in the wrong direction? (That is,
       it straightened itself out before collapsing the other way.)

==============================================================================
>Voice Credits
==============================================================================
- Starring
   - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Abe, Kenny, Jazz Hole guy, Colonel Tex, Channel
        6 Station Manager, Homer's male relatives)
   - Julie Kavner (Marge)
   - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Nelson, Ralph)
   - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
   - Hank Azaria (Apu, Chief Wiggum, FOX Voiceover, Channel 6 Technician)
   - Harry Shearer (Principal Skinner, Dr. Hibbert, Jasper, Kent Brockman)

- Special Guest Voice
   - Phil Hartman (Troy McClure)

- Also Starring
   - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse, Architect Simpson, Jimbo)
   - Maggie Roswell (Miss Hoover, Sales Coordinator Simpson)
   - Tress MacNeille (Billy, Dr. Simpson, Environmental Lawyer Simpson,
        Violin player)

==============================================================================
>Movie (and other) References
==============================================================================
   + "Little Shop of Horrors" (movie) {hl}
      - the plant in the couch scene with human faces on bulbs.

   + "Life in Hell" (Matt Groening comic strip)
      - the eraser pig is apparently a recurring feature in "Life in Hell."

   + "Flowers for Algernon" (movie) {bjr}
      - the main character keeps a log chronicling his unavoidable slide
        into mental retardation, as Lisa does.

   + "Alive Doesn't Live Here Anymore" (movie) {bjr}
      - one of Troy McClure's previous medical films is "Alice Doesn't Live
        Anymore."

   + "2001: A Space Odyssey" (movie) {ag}
      - Troy McClure's helmet closely resembles Dr. Dave Bowman's.

   + "The Twilight Zone" (TV show) {ddg}
      - Homer's line "room for one more" comes from an episode where a woman
        dreams she goes to a morgue and someone there tells her there's "room
        for one more, honey". [2x17 "Twenty-Two" --hmw]

   + "When Animals Attack" (TV show) {bjr}
      - "When Buildings Collapse" seems to come from the same production
        house (note also that it airs on "Non-stop Fox"). (I'd like to point
        out that most of Fox's exploitation specials have titles in the form
        of "World's Scariest _____," rather than "When _____s Attack.")

   + The Leaning Tower of Pisa (Italian tower) {bjr}
      - one of the buildings that collapsed. (Ironically, the actual
        building was in danger of falling over due to the ground underneath
        it settling.)

   + "The Fall of the House of Usher" by Edgar Allen Poe (short story) {bjr}
      - the House of Usher is one of the buildings shown collapsing.

   + "Lisa Comics" #1 (one-shot Simpsons comic published by Bongo) {bjr}
      - probably not a deliberate reference, but it's interesting to note
        that there's a little eraser-and-pushpin critter on Lisa's desk in
        the opening panels.

==============================================================================
>Previous episode references
==============================================================================
- [7G04], [7F13] OFF beckons someone to 'join them'. {je}
- [7G06] The Jazz Hole. [Lisa's poster --hmw] {ms}
- [7F03] Soup skin is discussed. [Andrew Gill observes, "it's also interesting
         to note that both were used to show Homer's stupidity (albeit social
         stupidity in 7F03)." --hmw]
- [7F04] "The Fall of the House of Usher" parody. {ms}
- [7F11], [3F02] Homer complains about short cooking times. {nmd}
- [7F21] Mrs. Glick tells Bart to buy some moon pies. {hl}
- [8F06] Homer would rather tape an important event. {je}
- [8F15] Lisa doubts her abilities. {ad}
- [8F15] Lisa writes in her diary. {nmd}
- [9F09], [1F17] Bloody cow parts. {ol}
- [9F11] Selma imagines bearing Hans Moleman's children, like Lisa with
         Ralph. {hl}
- [9F14] Lisa needs a new science project. {je}
- [1F05], [1F15], [5F05] Someone uses a cheap attraction for money. {je}
- [1F10] "Geezers in Freezers". {nmd}
- [1F14] The theory that being a loser is genetic. {hl}
- [1F15] Homer initially rejects to pay for a look at his elephant, but then
         decides to turn it into an attraction. (cf. Apu does the same with
         Jasper.) {ol}
- [1F17] Lisa's bad luck with mental puzzles (anagrams in 1F17). {ad}
- [2F12] The clown music played at the Freak-E-Mart. {je}
- [2F15] Someone pulls a fraud freak show. {je}
- [3F01] Bart catches lice from Milhouse's monkey. {hl}
- [3F03] A group of Flanderses who look and sound like Ned. (cf. a group of
         Simpsons who look and sound like Homer.) {ol}
- [3F03] Educational strip featuring Troy McClure and some little boy. {ol}
- [3F03] Tomato soup. {ol}
- [3F05] Bart's "I wash myself with a rag on a stick" apocolyptic vision is
         similar to Lisa's in this episode.
- [3F11] Apu offers a novelty pen. {ol}
- [3F13] Lisa gets an F. {ol}
- [3F13] Lisa uses a word that doesn't exist -- "embiggens." (cf.
         "dumbening".) {ol}
- [3F16] Apu is nude in public. {je}
- [4F05] Marge pronouncing "library" as "libary". (cf. Lisa doing the same in
         her future vision.) {ol}
- [4F08] A yuppie kid is named 'Wesley'. {je}
- [4F17] An old person traps themself in the freezer section of a shopping
         store. {ol}
- [5F08] Colonel Tex appears. {je}

==============================================================================
>Freeze frame fun
==============================================================================
- Lisa's lunch

  PORTION
  TIME     [Rocket]

               Vacuum
               Packed
  Vegetarian
  with Apple Sauce


- Freak-E-Mart window signs

    see the
  INCREDIBLE
    SIAMESE
    HOT DOG

  ASTONISHING
     RUBBER
     CHECK
     from
  MYSTERIOUS
UNKNOWN BANK


- One of the Freak-E-Mart exhibits {bjr}

[skull] HAUNTED [skull]
      CASH MACHINE

    Dispenses Images
   Of Dead Presidents


- Another Freak-E-Mart exhibit {ol}

         THE
  O F F E N S I V E
     BASEBALL CAP

DO YOU DARE READ IT?


- Nude-E-Mart sign {bjr}

  TOPLESS DANCERS!
BOTTOMLESS COFFEE!


- When Apu goes to turn down the temperature in Jasper's freezer, there's a
  sign saying something about a raccoon living in the storage room. It was
  not on-screen long enough to make out exactly what was on it, though. {bjr}


- People who come to see Jasper's body at the Freak-E-Mart {bjr}
   - Otto, Jack Marley, Milhouse, Helen Lovejoy, Larry, Ruth Powers, Ned and
     Rod and Todd, Carl, Ms. Krabappel, Sherri or Terri, Kirk, Luanne, Martin.


- Buildings that collapse {je}
   - Old Printer's Home
   - Leaning Tower of Pisa/Pizza [see "Life Imitates the Simpsons" in Comments
        and other observations. --hmw]
   - Society of Special Engineers
   - The House of Usher


==============================================================================
>Animation, continuity, and other goofs
==============================================================================
= Nelson's waistcoat doesn't cover his left shoulder on various shots in the
  first scene.

= The seating arrangements in the cafeteria change throughout the scene.
  Nelson ends up with no seat.

= The white push-pin in Lisa's eraser pig disappears in the frontal shot.

- When Homer dances to Lisa's sax playing, Lisa's bedroom floor and wall
  are one solid pink object.

= Abe's hair doesn't get shorter as Marge snips it. {ji4}

= Marge puts the scissors on the kitchen table, and then Abe throws the
  tablecloth over them. Yet, seconds later, the scissors have migrated to
  the top of the tablecloth. {bjr}

= There is no writing on any of Bart's homework besides the first page.

* Bart struggled in kindergarten according to 3G02. {jg}

* "The Simpson gene" doesn't explain Herbert Powell, if all male Simpsons
  supposedly end up unintelligent. {jg}

= The things on Lisa's desk change from shot to shot.

= Lisa's door, desk, window and entire room keep changing places. {je}

= In some of the establishing shots, Lisa's writes across *both* pages of
  her log before dropping down a line. {bjr}

= The Offensive Baseball Cap changes color, from green to blue. {je}

= The recycled footage of Jasper's body before Dr. Nick came in showed him
  still holding his note. {je}

* Lisa, who laughs at "Itchy & Scratchy", should have found something funny
  about "When Buildings Collapse". {ddg}

* In one episode, "Bart Gets an F (7F03)", Homer disdains "that icky soup
  skin" -- here, he seems to like it. {bjr}

= Kent Brockman's hair was grey before the TV was switched off. {jg}

* Homer gathers his relatives from the tri-city area, but the only other city
  mentioned close to Springfield throughout the series is Shelbyville. {hl}

* For someone who was the only heir to an estate (3F12), Homer certainly has
  a lot of relatives. {ddg}

==============================================================================
>Reviews
==============================================================================
Chris Courtois: "Lisa the Simpson" was the most enjoyable episode in about
   two years. Good story, good gags, funny subplot, lots of freeze frame fun,
   no wild characterizations. Lisa's vision of her future was hilariously
   creepy, without being a re-tread of Bart's "I wash myself with a rag on
   a stick" fantasy. Less successful was the DNA movie, which recycled most
   of the Troy McClure educational film gags without adding much new, but
   that's a minor quibble. Let's hope relative newcomer Ned Goldreyer gets
   more episodes in Season 10. His first full effort (his other credit is
   "Easy Bake Coven" from this season's Halloween show) gets an A.

Anthony Dean: Definitely one of the season's better episodes.  I enjoyed
   seeing Lisa worrying about falling prey to the "Simpson" trap (as per her
   own comment at the end of "Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou?" -- "his whole
   life was a success until he found out he was a Simpson."), as well as
   confirming my belief to date that "laziness" seemed to be primarily a male
   Simpson trait. It also (almost) explains away some of the
   mis-characterizations of Lisa lately (the infamous "what's with the dot"
   incident, for starters). The subplot, however, was the episode's weak
   point (though the rotating cap bit was pretty funny).  [B+]

Nathan Mulac DeHoff: This episode had an interesting plot.  The way in which
   Lisa fits into the Simpson family has been addressed before (notably in
   "Mother Simpson"), but this one addressed it in a new and interesting way.
   While not gut-bustingly hilarious, this episode had some funny moments.
   Highlights included "When Buildings Collapse" and the family reunion scene
   (which they probably could have expanded somewhat). They could have done
   more with the Troy McClure DNA film, though, and that Jasper subplot really
   didn't seem to belong in the episode.  [B+]

Jordan Eisenberg: Disregarding the imminent "Simpson Tide", this episode is a
   real milsetone for me. It reminded me once and for all just how much the
   quality has declined. The atmosphere, pacing, animation, emotion and
   characterization I had taken for granted since the beginning made this
   like watching the video-will after the funeral. It did what all the truly
   talented do, and that is to make what you do look easy. Suffice to say, I
   never realized just how difficult it is to write for the show until this
   season.  Having never heard of alt.tv.simpsons until last November (yes,
   I still enjoyed "Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie"), and having considered
   knowing what will air in two weeks as in-the-know as possible, I find it
   odd that I enjoyed "Easy Bake Coven" much more than the (also superb) rest
   of the first wave of season nine episodes. I found it different in style
   from the rest of the halloween shorts, and other episodes in general (I
   don't think this is because this was the first 5F episode to be shown).
   Now I know why. Ned Goldreyer, if his next episode is half as good as
   this, is set to be my favorite new writer, and if any better, my new
   favorite writer.  [A+]

Andrew Gill: Who hasn't felt at some point like s/he's dumbing down? Lisa
   still has a lot to learn about how to slack off before she goes to grad
   school, though. The puzzle on the back of the fish box was quite ingenious,
   though (not the puzzle, the use of it). Characterization was perfect, the
   scenarios were remeniscent of "Bart vs. Thanksgiving," and humor was
   there.  The Jasper scenes and Abe's lame excuse for being in OFF's house
   drop technical merits down a notch.  [B]

Don Del Grande: The main story seemed to drag on without any real interest,
   and the attempts at spot humor ("When Buildings Collapse", for example)
   need work; the subplot provided relief, but little relief.  Would this
   have been funnier a few years ago?  [B]

Tony Hill: Not a bad episode!  I was expecting a downer considering the
   number of times it was delayed.  There are some continuity problems
   vis-a-vis Bart and Homer being bright in the past, but all in a very funny
   presentation.  [A-]

Haynes Lee: Finally a good show to end the 4F series. Why do I get the
   impression the last good one will be "Simpson Tide"?  [B]

Jake Lennington: Wow! If you trash the cookey subplot and only concentrate on
   Lisa, this is the best Lisa episode since "Summer of 4'2".  What made this
   episode great was that Lisa was in good character. She wasn't the bratty
   activist that we've come to know her as, but a rather insecure 8 year old
   who is trying to hold onto her greatest asset -- her intelligence.  It's
   good to see Lisa in this light.  Also, it's good Homer wasn't a jerk, but
   more of an oaf that couldn't see past his own dumbness, but still retained
   some lovability.  [A-]

Ondre Lombard: An interesting expansion on the theory that failure is familial
   for Simpsons, but too general and simplistically off-the-mark in the
   ending.  Fair performance by Homer was a refreshing change, and Lisa was
   more-or-less in character.  However, the subplot was a major drag, having
   no relation at all to the main plot, and being incredibly stupid, mediocre
   and far-fetched. Another minus is Bart's "dance on her grave" line,
   indicating that Ned Goldreyer could use work (namely pre-fifth season
   work), but is on the right track somewhat more than other writes have been.
   I appreciate his goal to tell a story rather than to clutter a story with
   inappropriate or idiotic gags that try too hard.  [B-]

John Ogan: A top notch effort that seems to fit in well with the rest of good
   ol' Staffel 9; truly one of the better plots we've had that served to
   explore and develop Lisa's character. However, in the spirit of nitpicking,
   I'm tempted to say "why can't Lisa overcome her limitations instead of
   finding out they don't exist? Shouldn't they touch on subject matter we
   face in real life, where we seldom get our find out that it was nothing
   holding us back all along, and instead we have to trudge through life in
   a downward spiral of depression and failure, and have to work towards
   slowly overcoming our barriers?" At that point I realise that it's TV, say
   "shut up brain, or I'll stab you with a (flaming) Q-tip" and figure out
   that here, problems have to solve themselves in a half hour. I'm glad I
   watched this one.  [A]

Benjamin Robinson: We had to wait almost half a year to get it, but "Lisa the
   Simpson" is an excellent argument for delayed gratification.  The premise
   is followed through with both hilarity and sadness, and the animation
   provided interesting visuals to go with the story. (Check out the angles
   and lighting when Lisa joins her family for a little TV.)  A quirky
   subplot about Jasper freezing himself at the Kwik-E-Mart is also
   entertaining. An excellent freshman effort from Ned Goldreyer.  [A]

Matt Rose: For a 4F episode, this one really shines... pretty much beats
   anything cranked out the last year or so. I feel like the characterization
   was there for everyone; Homer was stupid but lovable. Bart was his twisted
   self. I would still like to see some more satirical humor, but I won't
   complain. All the sight-gags worked for me, the gradually changing
   smily/frowny faces on Bart's homework was great. Also, a glimpse into
   Lisa's future was a laughfest for me, as disturbing as it was. (Great voice
   work, Yeardley, you rule!) The subplot was good, the story was good, the
   ending was good. Nothing seemed out of place or contrived. I saw some
   shades of brilliance tonight I haven't seen in a while.  [A]

Aaron Varhola: An excellent study of how Lisa deals with failure; each little
   failure compounds itself, and someone not used to failure, like Lisa,
   would panic.  Fox gets some richly-deserved slams, and there is
   significant levity, even when Lisa declares that she's "giving her brain
   its last meal".  And the trailer trash Lisa dream sequence is both funny
   and touching; it's in keeping with her loving but sometimes being ashamed
   of her family.  [A+]

Yours truly: A nice episode. The D.N.A. film is hilarious. There are plenty
   of good jokes throughout, like Homer dancing to Lisa's sax playing. A very
   "Simpsony" plot, the sort of feel I attribute to the golden era of the
   series. Can't argue with this episode, it's up there with the best.  [B+]

==============================================================================
>Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
>>Stuff explained

- Lisa's lunch is "what John Glenn eats when he's not in space". John Glenn
  is, unsurprisingly, a former American astronaut, Marine Corps fighter pilot,
  ordained Presbyterian elder, corporate executive, and politician. Thanks
  to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Glenn for this information.

- "It's not Egyptian... it's not Prince's names..." As most people who have
  paid attention to music in the past 30 years will know, Prince is a rather
  eccentric artist that went through a period of using a symbol instead of
  the name "Prince".

- "It looks like somebody's hogging das-ice cream!" A pun on the ice cream
  producer Haagen Dasz, who produce ice cream believed by many to be of
  greater quality than "standard" ice cream. It is dense, made with
  ingredients such as butterfat and egg yolk. It is considered luxury on
  a scale of ice cream brands.

- "The George Raft look is dead! I want an Audie Murphey!" Both names are
  actors from Abe's generation.

- "Moon Pie... what a time to be alive!" Moon Pies are an actual confection,
  consisting of a few discs made of a cake/cookie hybrid, where each disk is
  separated by a marshmallow filling. The label was drawn accurately in the
  show. Moon Pies are mostly associated with the southeastern United States,
  but are beginning to make their way around the country. {bjr}

- "Mr. McClure, what does D.N.A. stand for?" Why, Deoxyribonucleic acid, of
  course!

- "Non-Stop FOX" This was a marketing slogan used by FOX earlier last year,
  which was used to promote all of its shows.  The now-outdated joke shows
  the combined effects of the delays in animation and the numerous
  pre-emptions this episode has seen. {je}

- "Possibly the best book ever written on the subject of turtle stacking."
  Lisa refers to the well known Dr. Seuss book, "Yertle the Turtle and Other
  Stories". Published in 1958, it tells the story of a turtle (Yertle) who
  is the king of a pond. He commands the other turtles in the pond to stack
  themselves beneath him, to elevate his throne high enough to see the
  surrounding areas.


>>Soundtrack to (4F24) "Lisa the Simpson"

- Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" {bjr}
     - Played during "When Buildings Collapse".

- "That's the Way (I Like It)" by K.C. and the Sunshine Band
  Originally released 1975, Rhino Records.
     - Played at the Nude-E-Mart grand opening)


>>The Premiere Repeat

Benjamin Robinson notes, "the TV listings in my area branded this episode
   a repeat. Harrumph. Maybe it's a repeat to people living in far-flung
   locales like Quebec, but for most of the world, tonight's airing (March
   8th, 1998) was the premiere of "Lisa the Simpson."  (In much of the U.S.,
   the original showing was pre-empted by baseball playoffs.)  I get the
   suspicion that, since it did sort of air already, Fox consdiered today's
   showing the second airing. If that's the case, it's possible that "Lisa
   the Simpson" won't be shown again until syndication time. Hope you caught
   it this time around!"


>>The Frozen Man {hl}

This is most likely a reference to a few-thousand year old man found on a
   glacier straddling the Italian/Austrian border. Jasper was lucky no one
   stole his genitilia.


>>Genetics 101 {hl}

The male X chromosome has a lot of genetic garbage on it, which kind of
   explains the high mortality rate of male infants and higher probability
   for birth defects.


>>Meta-reference {hl}

Abe's haircut by Marge referes to Matt Groening's youth when he was given bad
   haircuts by his mother which resulted with nicks, cuts, and even an uneven
   spiky top. This is what inspired Bart's haircut.


>>When Fox Fills Time {ol}

It was inevitable that the Simpsons would spoof these reality-based specials
   that Fox grew addicted to.  Sometime in 1996, Fox decided to run a series
   of graphic specials usually dealing with video footage of some person or
   persons being gruesomely attacked by a wild animal of some sort.  As if
   that weren't bad enough, this escalated into a series of other inane
   specials, often labeled "When Blah Blah Blah Attacks," or "World's
   Scariest," "World's Most Dangerous..."  These specials have ranged from
   animal rescues, police chases, police brutality, bee hives, etc.  For some
   reason, these specials continue to get decent ratings, therefore Fox will
   probably never give them a rest, since they're great stopgag programmes
   for whenever they have cancelled, or put on diatus, regular programming.


>>Life Imitates "the Simpsons" {hl}

Despite this episode being pre-empted last November, it is even more topical
this week to what recently happened.

- Lisa's John Glenn lunch pack: a few weeks ago, John Glenn announced his
  intentions to go back to space which will make him the world's oldest
  astronaut ever.

- "When Buildings Collapse": with El Nino in full force on the West coast
  recently, more hillside housing in California are tumbling into the ocean.
  The building for the Society of Structural Engineers is similar to Troy
  McClure's house in "A Fish Called Selma".


>>Miscellaneous stuff

- MPAA Rating: TV PG D

==============================================================================
>Quotes and Scene Summary
==============================================================================

% In the cafeteria, the kids are having lunch.

Milhouse: Ugh, salisbury soup again?
    Bart: My Joe isn't sloppy enough!
  Nelson: And talk about weak coffee!
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% Lisa, on the other hand, has brought her own lunch. A space-themed vacuum
% packed dinner that sucks Milhouse's glasses from his face when it is
% unpeeled. Martin notices a brainteaser on the back.

That's a tough one. [Brief pause] Got it!
-- Martin's brainteaser capabilities, "Lisa the Simpson"

% The rest of the kids - sans Lisa - figure it out one way or another.
% Nelson begins to stab the box in victory.

    Lisa: Hey, some of us are still trying to solve it!
Milhouse: [Smugly] Just you.
    Lisa: Maybe I can't concentrate because of all of your COOTIES!
Milhouse: It's called lice and it's nothing to be ashamed of!
          [Scratches head.]
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% After hours at the school, Lisa is still trying to solve the puzzle.

Okay, let's see. It's not Egyptian. It's not Prince's names.
-- Lisa tries to decipher a series of symbols, "Lisa the Simpson"

% The next morning, Lisa is struggling to remember her locker combination.

Milhouse: So Lisa, did you get that brainteaser yet?
    Lisa: For your information, none of your business!
Milhouse: You look tired. Are you tired, Lisa?
    Lisa: If you're suggesting that I stayed up all night trying to solve
          that childish puzzle... you're right.
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% Lisa continues to struggle with her locker. Ralph appears alongside her
% and opens his locker effortlessly.

Look at my agee-culture project! It's a piece of a cow. [Holds up a brown
paper bag dripping with blood.]
-- Ralph, "Lisa the Simpson"

% Which reminds Lisa; the project is due in today, and she forgot all
% about it! Just what the HELL is going on with that damn girl?

Miss Hoover: [Unenthusiastically, as usual] Very nice, Janey. Good use of
             pipe cleaners, Becky. [She reaches Ralph, and stares blanky
             at his bloody paper bag, complete with flies buzzing around
             it. Ralph reaches to show her what's inside.] DON'T.. open
             it, Ralph. I'll just give you a C minus.
      Ralph: Yay!
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% Lisa is fumbling around with something, making some last minute
% adjustments to her makeshift project.

       Lisa: There! It's a pig!
Miss Hoover: [Unimpressed] It's an eraser with push-pins.
       Lisa: [Grovelling] And a spring for his curly tale, heh.. oink
             oink oink!
Miss Hoover: This is terrible at best. I'm surprised at you, Lisa!
       Lisa: [Contemplates for a moment. Surprised] Me too..!
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% At the Kwik-E-Mart, Jasper is moving the freezer's supply of ice cream
% to the counter.

Oh, it looks like somebody's hoggin'-das ice cream! Ooh, hah, I should
write this down.
-- Apu makes a funny, "Lisa the Simpson"

% Homer enters.

Homer: [Sophisticated] Um, I'm looking for something in an after-dinner
       burrito. [Apu begins nuking a Strawberrito.]
  Apu: You'll have it in 45 seconds, sir. To pass the time, please enjoy
       this novelty pen. [He hands Homer a nudie woman pen.]
Homer: Why would I wanna look at a pen with a-- *gasp* Oh no, her clothes
       are coming off! [Covers his eyes, but takes a peek.] Heh heh, hey!
       You know who would love this? ...Men.
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% Hours later, Homer is still tickled by the pens. He's doing 10 at once.
% Apu looks bored out of his mind, and is beginning to wonder about Jasper.
% He's nowhere to be seen, and there's a large stack of melting cartons of
% ice cream on the counter.
% Apu and Homer look around the store for Jasper, and are shocked to find
% him frozen in the ice cream freezer.

Haha, hey, look! A freezer man!
-- Homer, "Lisa the Simpson"

I have frozen myself to I may live to see the wonders of the future. Thaw
me out when robot wives are cheap and effective. PS - please alter my pants
as fashion dictates.
-- Homer reads Jasper's note, "Lisa the Simpson"

% Later at home, Lisa is even struggling to play the sax properly. She
% seems to be hitting nothing but bum notes, although Homer is loving it.

Now you're swinging, honey! [Dances about making horrendous noises,
imitating Lisa's sax playing.]
-- Encouragement! Homer, "Lisa the Simpson"

% Lisa tosses her sax to the floor in frustration.

% In the kitchen, Marge cuts Abe's hair.

  Abe: No! No, no, no, no! The George Raft look is dead! I want it Audie
       Murphy!
Marge: Well if you'd just apologise to Louie, you could get your hair cut
       the way you want!
  Abe: No apology! Not until he admits he's a jerk!
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

Lisa: Mom, I think something's wrong with me. I can't do anything right
       lately!
Marge: You're just having a bad day. I had one last week! I burned the
       roast, my cake fell and I ran out of butter so I had to spray the
       English muffins with Pam!
  Abe: Maybe you're just a lousy cook--OW!!
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% Marge leaves briefly, and Abe explains to Lisa that what she's
% experiencing happens to all Simpsons around her age. She is intrigued
% (and naturally a little worried), so he takes her up to the attic to
% show her what he means.
% First up is an old photograph of Homer winning the Spelling Bee contest
% as a boy.

Lisa: Wow, dad was a good speller?
Abe: Oh, your dad used to be smart as a monkey! But then his mind started
      getting lazy and now he's dumb as a chimp.
Lisa: [Offended] Grampa!
Abe: Hey, I am too! And your brother's coming along nicely. Look at Bart's
      homework. Back when he was your age, he was smart as a chimp!
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% Lisa is shocked to see that what Abe is saying is true. Abe walks over
% and begins climing back downstairs.

Lisa: This is crazy! Just because you and dad and Bart went downhill
      doesn't mean it's gonna happen to me... does it?
Abe: Suuure! But it doesn't mean you can't live a long and pointless life!
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% Lisa writes her log.

Dear log. Can it be true? Do all Simpsons go through a process of
dumbening? Wait, that's not how you spell dumbening... waaait, dumbening
isn't even a word!
-- Lisa, "Lisa the Simpson"

% Outside of Lisa's room, there is a crash.

That makes 22 to 16!
-- Homer gives Bart the score in their running-into-eachother-head-first-
each-wearing-a-frying-pan-on-their-head game, "Lisa the Simpson"

% Lisa decides she needs to find out more.
% She visits Dr. Hibbert.

Dr. Hibbert: [Laughs] So you're worried about your genes! So, does it hurt
             when you go like this? [Raises arm and points finger.]
       Lisa: No..
Dr. Hibbert: Then will you turn this projector on for me? I think the film
             will answer all your questions.
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% Dr. Hibbert turns the light out and leaves the room. The film begins.

   "In the Kitchen with D.N.A."

   % Shot of a fat couple having just given birth to a fat child.

   Voiceover (Troy McClure): Have you ever wondered why fat parents have
      fat children?

   % Shot of Chinese parents, as many Chinese kids appear like magic
   % around them.

   Voiceover (Troy McClure): Or why Chinese parents have Chinese children?

   % In a D.N.A. testing lab, Troy McClure stands amongst some workers in
   % protective suits and masks working with test tubes and other
   % laboratory... things.

   Troy McClure: It's no coincidence. It's because of D.N.A.

   % Troy removes his protective mask.

   Troy McClure: Hi, I'm Troy McClure.

   % An alarm begins sounding, and all the workers frantically evacuate
   % the room, sealing the door behind them and then looking in from
   % outside. Troy looks confused.

   Troy McClure: [Walking through the lab] You may remember me from such
      medical films as "Alice Doesn't Live Anymore" and "Mommy, What's
      Wrong With That Man's Face?"

   Boy's voice [off-screen]: [Troy McClure looks around in faux-surprise.]
      But Mr. McClure, what is D.N.A.?

   % The camera zooms out to reveal a boy standing next to McClure.

   Troy McClure: What the-- Oh hi, Billy! Let's find out together.

   % The two walk behind a series of test tubes and the like.

   Troy McClure: D.N.A. is God's recipe for making you!

   % The film reel judders a little. McClure lifts Billy and puts him
   % on a seat, and puts on a chef's hat reading "GOD". McClure begins
   % preparing "Billy" in a container.

   Troy McClure: Take a dash of dad, a pinch of mom, [stirring] then
      we bake for nine months and... [dips his finger in the mixture
      and takes a suck] mmmm, that's good Billy!

   Billy: Mr. McClure, what does D.N.A. stand for?

   % McClure stares at Billy nervously, and then looks up at the camera
   % like a deer in headlights.

   THE END.

% Dr. Hibbert comes back in.

       Lisa: That didn't answer anything! I need more information!
Dr. Hibbert: Would you like to see it again?
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

       Lisa: Isn't there anyway I can change my D.N.A., like sitting on
             the microwave?
Dr. Hibbert: Mmm, not according to any movie I've ever seen.
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% Lisa leaves no wiser than she arrived.

% Back at the Kwik-E-Mart, Dr. Nick enters to inspect Jasper's condition.
% Luckily for Apu, Jasper's heart is still beating... barely.

You're lucky he's still alive! This freezer is an attractive nuisance! Just
look at all that ice cream... it's damn near irresistible.
-- Chief Wiggum, "Lisa the Simpson"

Nelson: Check it out, a freezer geezer!
   Apu: Please, young customers, ignore the frozen gentleman and return
        to your impulse buying!
Nelson: Ah, but we wanna stare at the ice dude!
Jimbo: We'll give you a buck...
   Apu: No! This a convenience store, not a freak show!
Jimbo: A dollar twenty?
        [Musical motif as Apu's eyes wander. Cut to Apu stood in the
        Kwik-E-Mart, renamed Freak-E-Mart, entrance holding a megaphone.]
   Apu: Come one, come all! See the amazing frozen man!
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% Passers by pour in.

% Lisa sits at her desk, troubled. She writes her log, questioning what her
% life will be like once she descends into mediocrity. She looks outside and
% Ralph playing with a mailbox. Could this be her future?

Lisa: Maybe I should just give up now, and settle into a mindless happy
       stupor. [Begins walking downstairs.]
Voice: [O/C] We now return to "When Buildings Collapse" on Non-stop FOX!
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% Lisa nervously joins Homer and Bart in the dark living room to watch some
% low quality television.

Man has always loved his buildings. But what happens when the buildings say
"no more"? [Montage of clips of buildings collapsing.]
-- "When Buildings Collapse" on FOX, "Lisa the Simpson"

Bart: The best part was when the buildings fell down!
Lisa: [Feigning enthusiasm] Yeah.. *nervous laugh* Maybe people got hurt!
Homer: [Impressed] Hey.. yeah! *Giggles*
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% An editorial is about to come on, but Homer switches channels. "When
% Surgery Goes Wrong" is up next. Lisa slumps back in her seat, depressed,
% as Homer and Bart lean towards the TV attentively.

% At the Freak-E-Mart, business seems to be prospering.

Behold the can of mystery! The label vanished many years ago. What strange
wonders lie inside? Treasure? ..Dog food?
-- Apu, "Lisa the Simpson"

% A sign reading "Behond Frostillicus" has been placed above Jasper's spot.

Me and Frostillicus go back a long way. I used to share a bathroom with
Frostillicus. In fact, I got a real funny story about that! Actually, it's
not so much funny as it is long.
-- Abe Simpson entertains the crowds, "Lisa the Simpson"

% As Abe continues rambling, Apu counts a fat wad of cash. He is horrified
% to notice Jasper's finger twitching, so he turns the freezer to full.

% Back at the Simpsons home.

Boy, seeing that stomach surgery made me hungry! [Shouting] Marge, we need
5000 cc's of snacks, stat!
-- Homer, "Lisa the Simpson"

% Marge denies them their snacks, as dinner is almost ready. Homer and Bart
% have a backup plan, though; a stash of candy bars hidden inside the couch
% cushions. They tuck in, as Lisa contemplates the notion of eating warm,
% squashed candy. In foresight, she sees an undesirable possible future if
% she continues the path she seems to be moving towards -- morbidly obese,
% lying in a hammock with a load of her own kids poking her with sticks.
% Oh, and she's married to Ralph Wiggum. And she suddenly has a completely
% white trash accent for some reason. She snaps out of her daydream and
% runs out of the room.

Dear log, it won't be long now before my mind melts into a soft, Simpsony
sludge. Soon, the arts and literature I love will be replaced by talk radio
and vulgar mudflaps.
-- Lisa, "Lisa the Simpson"

% Lisa decides to give her brain it's last meal, and takes a visit to the
% art gallery.

Lisa: Oh, Kenny... look at the interplay of light and shadow, it's so
       luminous and vibrant!
Kenny: Heh, oh thanks, Lisa! I painted that one. [Whispering] The real
       one's in my garage.
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% At the Jazz Hole, Lisa enjoys the performance of an electric violinist.

Guy: [Unimpressed] Hmph, sounds like she's hitting a baby with a cat.
Lisa: You have to listen to the notes she's NOT playing.
Guy: [Still unimpressed] Pssh, I can do that at home.
-- Lisa at the Jazz Hole, "Lisa the Simpson"

% At the Freak-E-Mart, Colonel Tex enters with a briefcase as Apu cleans
% up after a day's work.

Son, I represent a group of oil tycoons who make foolish purchases. We
already bought us a stained glass bathrobe, and the world's fattest
racehorse! And now, we need your ice man.
-- Colonel Tex, "Lisa the Simpson"

% Apu is reluctant at first.

By gum, it worked! I've awakened in the future... [Walks over to shelf and
picks up a packet] Moon Pie? [Gazing into space] What a time to be alive!
-- Jasper, "Lisa the Simpson"

Hey, who unplugged my freezer?! [Runs after Jasper] Return to your state
of living death at once, sir!
-- Apu, "Lisa the Simpson"

Is that you, Apu! Whoo.. time has ravaged your once youthful looks.
-- Jasper, a couple of days into the future, "Lisa the Simpson"

% As Jasper leaves, Apu grimly accepts his inevitable return to being a
% convenience store clerk. Unless...
% Cut to Apu and Sanjay, naked, outside the new Nude-E-Mart. Music and
% disco lights flash from inside.

% Lisa leaves the Jazz Hole. Outside, the violinist is trying to shift
% copies of her record out of her car trunk.

     Lisa: Great set!
Violinist: Oh, thanks! But the crowd kept looking at me like I was using
           too many augmented 9ths.
     Lisa: Ah, they just came for the buffalo wings, but you really got
           through to me.
Violinist: Oh, good! I figure if you've got something special to say, you
           have to share it with the world.
     Lisa: Yeah.. while you still can! Thanks! [Runs away, spirits lifted.]
Violinist: [Head drops] Damn, that felt like a sale!
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% Lisa is at Channel 6, speaking with the station manager.

Manager: I'm sorry, little girl, we don't just put people on TV! Unless of
         course they're replying to an editorial.
   Lisa: Uh, I am! [Thinking] I'm strongly opposed to.. proposition, uh, 305.
Manager: You're against discount bus fares for war widows?
   Lisa: Uh.. [fake enthusiam] you bet I am..
Manager: ["Fair enough" tone] Okay.. Make-up!
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% At home, Marge is worried about Lisa's whereabouts. The news is on TV.

Authorities believe the wave of towel snapping will get worse before it
gets better. [Picture of a bare behind being snapped with a towel.]
-- Kent Brockman for Channel 6 News, "Lisa the Simpson"

And now with an editorial reply, here's a small girl!
-- Kent Brockman, "Lisa the Simpson"

Lisa: Hello, my name is Lisa Simpson.
Marge: *Gasp*
Lisa: I'm supposed to talk to you about proposition 305.
Homer: [Bitter] Mooching war widows...
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

        Lisa: But I have something more important to say. For reasons
              beyond my control, I will soon become vapid, sluggish and
              slow witted. So before that happens, I want to share some
              things with you that have really meant a lot to me.
Technician 1: What is she DOING out there? I'll cut off her mic.
Technician 2: [Seemingly entranced by Lisa] No, no, no. Let her speak.
              [Pause] I'm trying to get fired.
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

        Lisa: And please don't deprive yourselves of wonderful books like
              "To Kill a Mockingbird", "Harriet the Spy" and "Yertle the
              Turtle" -- possibly the best book ever written on the subject
              of turtle stacking.
Chief Wiggum: [In bed, reading "Yertle the Turtle"] She's got that right.
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

Lisa: Beauty is all around is, and not just in pageants and parlors. You
       can find it in the swirl of galaxies, or the swirl in the center of
       a sunflower.
Homer: That's a good idea! Let's go out for some frosty swirls!
Marge: Homer, your daughter is pouring her heart out!
Homer: Well, tape it!
-- Lisa on Channel 6, "Lisa the Simpson"

Bart: [Worried] Why is she saying all this? Is she dying?
  Abe: Oh, she's just upset because I told her her brains turn into mush.
       You know, on account of the Simpson gene.
Marge: [In disbelief] Simpson gene? That's just foolishness!
  Abe: No! Baldness, too!
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% Homer decides to resolve the situation himself. He gets on the phone at
% once, demanding of Marge her phone book, four beers, and his conversation
% hat -- a rather dashing hat with a feather.

% The next morning, Marge wakes Lisa, telling her Homer has a surprise for
% her. Lisa unenthusiastically gets up, as Marge leads her to the window.
% Outside, Homer stands with a large group of men.

Lisa, it's me; Daddy -- your father!
-- Homer, "Lisa the Simpson"

  Homer: I rounded up every Simpson in the tri-city area so I can prove to
         you there's nothing wrong with the Simpson genes. This is your
         great uncle Chet. Go ahead, Chet. Tell her what you do.
   Chet: I run an unsuccessful shrimp company.
  Homer: [Nervous] Oh.. but you.. RUN it.. right?
   Chet: OH yeah.
  Homer: Okay.. uh.. this is your second cousin, Stanley!
Stanley: Um.. I shoot birds at the airport.
  Homer: [More nervous] Everybody hates birds.. right? [Frantically looks
         for a successful relative. He spots a dapper looking fellow smoking
         a cigar.] Wehh, you look pretty successful!
    Guy: Thanks! I play a millionaire at parties. [Face drops] At least,
         I'd.. like to.
   Bart: You probably should have researched this first, eh dad?
  Homer: What about you?
  Guy 2: Well, sir, I step in front of cars and sue the drivers.
  Guy 3: I beg celebrities for money!
  Guy 4: I'm a prison snitch.
  Guy 5: Jug band manager.
  Guy 6: My legs hurt.
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% Homer loses his patience and throws all the relatives off his property.

Marge: Wait a minute, Homer, you didn't ask everybody! What about the women?
Homer: Fine, fine! What do you do, Doctor... [looking at her badge] Simpson?
-- "Lisa the Simpson"

% As more women chip in, it becomes apparent that the female side of the
% family are all high achieving, mature, successful women. The doctor
% explains that the defective Simpsons gene only effects the Y chromosome,
% therefore only males. Lisa couldn't be happier. Bart, on the other hand,
% is slightly aprehensive about his future... for a few seconds.

% Lisa writes her log, and feels exhilerated about her new life. Still,
% she looks over at the unfinished puzzle from earlier and curses it. But
% wait, she thinks for a moment and adds a squiggle to the answer box, and
% puts a book over half of the symbols -- it was the numbers 1-5 mirrored
% down the center, vertically. OBVIOUSLY.

I got it, woo hoo! [Correcting self] I mean, splendid!
-- Lisa: a Simpson, "Lisa the Simpson"

==============================================================================
>Contributors
==============================================================================
{ad}  Anthony Dean
{ag}  Andrew Gill
{bjr} Benjamin Robinson
{ddg} Don Del Grande
{hl}  Haynes Lee
{je}  Jordan Eisenberg
{jg}  Jeremy Gallen
{ji4} John Isles IV
{ms}  Mike Smith
{nmd} Nathan Mulac DeHoff
{ol}  Ondre Lombard

==============================================================================
>Legal Mumbo Jumbo
==============================================================================
This episode capsule is Copyright 2006 Hari Wierny. It is not to be
redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current
maintainer (capsules@snpp.com). All quoted material and episode summaries
remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox.  All
other contributions remain the properties of their respective authors.
Episode quote & scene summary by Hari Wierny. Season 9 episode capsules 
procrastinated for nearly seven years by Hari Wierny.