The Canine Mutiny                                         Written by Ron Hauge
                                                       Directed by Dom Polcino
==============================================================================
Production code: 4F16                     Original Airdate on FOX: 13-Apr-1997
Capsule revision B (15-Nov-1998)
==============================================================================
> "TV Guide" Synopsis
==============================================================================
   None submitted.

   [If you use these summaries to determine if you found the right capsule,
   here's a TV Guide-like synopsis:  After using his credit card to buy
   another dog, Bart must choose between his new wonder-pooch and the bumbling
   but loyal Santa's Little Helper. -- Ed.]

==============================================================================
> Title sequence
==============================================================================
Blackboard:     A fire drill does not demand a fire  {hl}

Couch:          Grampa is sleeping on the foldout sofa, and only manages to
                utter a "huh?" before the family folds back the sofa over him.
                They sit, as if nothing happened.  Recycled from [4F10]

==============================================================================
> Did You Notice...
==============================================================================
   ... the termite control solicitations all have the rose stamps on them?
       ({bs} points out that they were out of date even when the episode
       aired]
   ... the salmon wasn't wrapped in an insulating package?
   ... the mono-brow baby is named either Gerald or Jerold?

Dale G. Abersold:
   ... Homer instinctively understands the German verb for "to eat"?

Stephan Bonneville:
   ... Homer's "corporate logo" looks like his dictionary picture from 8F04?
   ... OFF doesn't feed SLH every day?
   ... the speed Laddie got the fruit with would suggest he got it from the
       Flanders' house?
   ... Mr. Burns did indeed go to Yale?
   ... Chief Wiggum calls Bart "mister"?
   ... the Repo Depo seems surprisingly empty?

Vince Chan:
   ... the full intro was played?
   ... CarToons cost $3.50?
   ... Zoidzilla has the same layout as Bongo Comics?
   ... Bart bought a cell phone?
   ... Lisa was called 'kid' by Homer?
   ... frogs give SLH gas?
   ... Willy's tractor was outside his house?
   ... Rev. Lovejoy called SLH Satan's Little Helper?
   ... the back door had a place mat with "Sprinkle" written on it?
   ... Laddie had a police badge hanging from his collar?
   ... '911' was on the side of the police car?

Don Del Grande:
   ... the Simpsons no longer use their mailbox (the one the bear damaged in
       3F20)?
   ... the credit card expires 12/3/99?
   ... despite there being no logo, the credit card is a Visa (it has a Visa
       eagle hologram and it begins with 4)?
   ... Covet House's order line is 1-800-555-1212, which is really 800
       directory assistance?
   ... Homer's corporate logo is his face and "HI"?
   ... the Fox censors don't seem to mind a scene of dogs being thrown into a
       fire?
   ... Marge doesn't particularly get angry when Maggie dumps her bowl of
       oatmeal on her head?
   ... this is the first time Maggie is shown actually dumping her food over
       her head?

Jason Hancock:
   ... all of the junk mail is addressed to "Resident, 742 Evergreen Terrace,
       Springfield, U.S.A.?"
   ... the "Money Bank" on the envelope seems to be handwritten, while
       everything else is typed?
   ... the radio plays the original version of "You Really Got Me" by the
       Kinks (not the cover by Van Halen used in a Nissan commercial)?
   ... despite being dead, the parrot still wears a red bow tie?
   ... Bart has a blue T-shirt in his closet?
   ... Frank Welker is credited as a "special guest voice" in this episode?

Darrel Jones:
   ... Homer has a corporate logo?
   ... Maggie's bow can be seen under the oatmeal on her head?
   ... Springfield is in a state legalizing medical marijuana (i.e.,
       California or Arizona)?

Al Ju:
   ... Mr. Mitchell's address is 57 Mt. Auburn Street?  (See "Comments"
       section)

Joe Klemm:
   ... Homer's trademark logo has him saying "Hi", not "D'oh"?
   ... the amount of food in Santa's Little Helper's dish when he got
       repossessed?
   ... the Frisbee Laddie tosses hits Homer?
   ... the Sprinkles welcome mat?

Haynes Lee:
   ... Bart puts down 123-45-6789 as his social security number?
   ... Bart's birthday is July 15?  ["If he filled the DOB part of his form
       accurately" {ol}]
   ... Bart's phone call from credit agency is [from] a robot?  [It does sound
       recorded... -- Ed.]
   ... Agnes is still as ornery as in 4F09?

Ido Lewit:
   ... the Simpsons' telephone number is 555-3926?

Ondre Lombard:
   ... Bart was born in July?  (if he filled the DOB part of his form
       accurately)
   ... the area code on Bart's form is illegible?
   ... MoneyBank is in Capitol City?
   ... Comic Book Guy identifies Bart by his name for once?
   ... a nose hair trimmer in the Covet House Catalog?
   ... the Spinemelter 2000 appears to be in the Covet House Catalog?
   ... only Marge got _two_ presents?  (Bart must've paid interest in advance
       for that inquisitive question Marge posed ;)
   ... Homer says hello to the dog?
   ... "to the best of my recollection" doesn't count as a lie because Bart
       may or may not have remembered it?
   ... Homer apparently has retaken his blasphemous religion from 9F01,
       because he says "I gotta start going to church"?
   ... there seems to be no reason why SLH is staring blankly when he's left
       outside, and when he's in Mr. Mitchell's backyard?
   ... Fat Tony and his boys have appeared an abnormal number of times this
       season?
   ... how strange it is that Homer would accompany Marge on a walk with the
       Flanderses?
   ... Bart bought Maggie a present too?  (the bassinet)
   ... apparently the Simpsons never took a flattering photo of SLH?  (see
       8F17)
   ... most of this episode seems to be taking place on a weekend?  (Homer is
       home both mornings Marge delivers the mail, home the morning Bart
       receives Laddie, and only wears a tie in the morning to impress Laddie,
       not to go to work)

Mark Aaron Richey:
   ... Homer has an atom mug?
   ... the "Save the Termites" message has teeth marks in it?
   ... SLH is chewing up Bart's baby picture?
   ... Milhouse still has his tiny dog from [4F01] "Lisa's Date With Density"?
   ... the Frisbee hits Homer?
   ... Laddie saves Maggie's mortal enemy?
   ... Wiggum sings "Jamming" during the Gracie Films logo?

Benjamin Robinson:
   ... the beams of sunlight around Laddie's head when Bart uncrates him?
   ... Bart's robe is monogrammed "BS"?  (He might want to go with "BJS" in
       the future)
   ... Gerald blinks first his right eye, then the left?
   ... Homer must have cleaned the oatmeal off Maggie himself, since she's
       clean when he returns her to her high chair?
   ... Homer's advice actually made some sense this time?

Liam J. Scanlan:
   ... how dizzy SLH is after colliding with the door?
   ... Bart's "occupation" is proctologist?
   ... Snowball II only appears once in this episode?
   ... OFF has a bathroom downstairs?
   ... this is Fat Tony's fourth appearance this season?
   ... OFF puts Laddie's leash on over his ears?
   ... Maggie apparently has spilled her cereal over herself before?

Brandon Starr:
   ... the Pachinko machine speaks English with a strong Japanese accent?
   ... Worldwide Shipping Co., which delivers Laddie, has the same color
       scheme as real-world UPS?
   ... Burns is out walking one of his vicious guard dogs in the park?
   ... for the third time, Burns has shown an interest in dogs owned by the
       Simpson family?

==============================================================================
> Voice Credits
==============================================================================
- Starring
   - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Ship Captain in Bart's Fantasy  {ol}, Lumley in
        Bart's Fantasy  {ol}, Mayor Quimby  {dga}, Willie)
   - Julie Kavner (Marge, Patty (and Selma, a little))
   - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Gerald's mother  {dga})
   - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
   - Hank Azaria (Comic Book Guy  {dga}, Pachinko machine voice  {dga},
        Repossession Man, Chief Wiggum, Moe, Repo Depot Proprietor  {ol}, Mr.
        Mitchell, Lou, Eddie)
   - Harry Shearer (MoneyBank Creditor  {ol}, Louie (the gangster), Kent
        Brockman, Mr. Burns, Otto, Rev. Lovejoy)

- Special Guest Voice
   - Frank Welker (Santa's Little Helper, Laddie [disputed, see "Comments" --
        Ed.])

- Also Starring
   - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse)
   - Tress MacNeille (Madam in Bart's Fantasy  {ol}, Agnes Skinner)

==============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
==============================================================================
   + "The Caine Mutiny"
      - title of this episode taken from the movie
      - Mark Aaron Richey reminds us that this was originally a novel by
        Herman Wouk

   + Dogs receiving credit cards  {vc}
      - premise of this episode based on real-life events  (See "Comments"
        section)

   - "Married...with Children"  {ol}
      - a second season episode entitled "Master the Possibilities" involves
        the Bundy family spending money using a credit card accidentally
        issued to Buck the Dog

   + Car-Toons  {hl}
      - 70s retro-art which Otto will appreciate

   + "Ernest Saves Christmas"  {sb}
      - the name "Santos" is used in the place of Santa

   + Godzilla  {jk}
      - Zoidzilla comic book

   + The Pep Boys  {ol}
      - automotive supply shop Lisa mentions during her pep-pill-induced rant

   + Sports Illustrated  {bjr}
      - ads claim a subscription to this magazine is "the gift that keeps on
        giving."  Bart applies this theory to his dog

   + "Lassie"  {jk}

   + "Lad, a Dog"  {bjr}
      - one -- or both -- of these pooches inspired Laddie's name
      - Lassie (and possibly Lad, I don't know) is a collie, just like Laddie.
      - in fact, Laddie has a white mark on his nose, which is like Lassie,
        and unlike most collies

   - Sharks, and sleeping  {vc}
      - it's said sharks sleep while moving in water, just as Laddie can sleep
        while jogging

   - "The Critic"  {hl}
      - Bart answers phone in bed similar to Jay Sherman

   + The Wiz, a chain of electronics discount stores  {jk}
      - the First Church of Springfield's thrift shop has the slogan, "Nobody
        beats the Rev," which echoes, "Nobody beats the Wiz"

   - Dumb & Dumber  {dsb}
      - a blind person with dead parrot

   ~ Ray Charles (ljs}
      - a blind piano player

   - "Henry Huggins" by Beverly Cleary  {el}
      - a dog chooses between two owners in a "come to me" contest

==============================================================================
> Previous episode references
==============================================================================
- Some milestones in the life of Santa's Little Helper  {dga}
   - [7G08] SLH becomes part of OFF
   - [7F14] He goes to obedience school
   - [8F17] He gets operated on, runs away, and becomes Burns' guard dog
   - [2F16] His legs are broken by a stream of oil from Mr. Burns' well
   - [2F18] He fathers 25 puppies with She's The Fastest

- Fat Tony's appearances  {ljs}
   - [8F03] Hires Bart as bartender
   - [2F12] Tries to kill Krusty (and Homer) for $48
   - [3F15] Said Troy McClure "sleeps with the fishes"
   - [3F20] Sells fake ID papers to Apu
   - [4F03] Assists to the Simpson-Tatum fight
   - [4F08] Sets up a pretzel monopoly on Springfield
   - [4F15] Tries to smuggle beer into Springfield
   - [4F16] You didn't see nothing

- Dirty cops:  Past examples of Springfield's finest breaking the law  {ol}
   - [7F11] Lou and Eddie arrest Homer because they don't like his attitude
            after they stop him for speeding
   - [7F21] Lou and Eddie drink while on duty, and overlook Bart's crime of
            selling beer as a minor--without a license
   - [8F13] Wiggum, Lou and Eddie arrest Steve Sax for a random crime he
            didn't commit
   - [9F13] Wiggum bashes out Homer's headlights just because his daughter
            humiliated Ralph
   - [9F14] Wiggum lets a drunken Barney drive, but arrests Homer for DUI
   - [9F22] Eddie puts squirrels down his pants for the purposes of gambling
   - [2F21] Wiggum's team puts on Herman's counterfeited jeans
   - [4F14] Wiggum has Sideshow Bob arrested just because of his past misdeeds
   - [4F15] Under Wiggum's supervision, Lou & Eddie ignore Fat Tony's alcohol
            bootlegging; Wiggum orders Eddie to kill Det. Banner
   - [4F16] Wiggum, Lou and Eddie get high on marijuana, and invite a
            prostitute

- [7G02], [3F12] Times we've seen Bart's (sometimes) childish handwriting
         {ol}
- [7G02] Coal oven shown to burn fuel [other than coal]  {ljs}
- [7G06] A Simpson is forced to choose between two people by going to them
- [7G09] Why would anyone give the Simpsons a good credit rating?  Bob's RV
         Roundup gave Homer an abysmal rating.  {dj}
- [7F07] Bart loses SLH who ends up with Mr. Burns  {hl}
- [7F14] OFF tries to give SLH away  {hl}
- [7F14] SLH ruining stuff  {mss}
- [7F14] SLH being improperly referred to as "Satan's Little Helper"  {ol}
- [7F23] A bill collector bothers a Simpson  {ol}
- [8F06], [2F18] Frank Welker gets a voice credit  {ol}
- [8F10] A Simpson goes into a closet by mistake  {mss}
- [8F10] "Repo Depot" guys appear  {dga}
- [8F11], [1F06] Dead birds  {ol}
- [8F12] Homer showers the family with gifts while hiding how he obtained the
         money for them (cf. Bart does the same)  [submitters' note: both
         these situations happened in the EXACT same setting!]  {ol}
- [8F17] SLH is in someone else's possession  {mss}
- [8F17], [1F15] Bart goes off in search of a pet  {mss}
- [9F04] Gangster seen throwing body bag down bottomless pit {hl} (right after
         a Simpson gets rid of something in that same area {ol})
- [9F05], [3F05] OFF gets a free sample of something in the mail  {mss}
- [9F06] Bart's red robe  {mss}
- [9F07] Repossession men show up  {dsb}
- [9F18] Marge putting on lipstick for no good reason  {ol}
- [9F20] Passage of time denoted in mail-order terms ("6 TO 8 WEEKS LATER")
         {ddg}
- [9F22] Marge delivers everyone their mail  {ol}
- [1F08] Barney coughs up change (cf. SLH coughing up a quarter)  {ol}
- [1F09] Bart's burglar outfit is similar to Malloy's from 1F09  {jh}
- [1F15], [2F18] Another animal (or animals) outshines a current Simpson pet
         {ol}
- [1F15] Bart gets an elephant  {hl}
- [1F16] Bart has lots of expensive stuff in his room  {mss}
- [1F17], [1F21] Gerald is seen, the baby with one eyebrow  {ol}
- [1F18] Another incident involving SLH and holy water mentioned  {mss}
- [1F18] Baby with one eyebrow appears
- [1F21] Bart buys $300 cel with Homer's credit card  {hl}
- [1F21], [2F07], [3F05] Past occurrences of the Simpsons having a mail slot
         on their front door.  {ol}
- [2F03], [2F20], [3G03] Willy in a kilt  {ol}
- [2F06] A Venus de Milo replica appears  {mss}
- [2F13] Bart commits fraud  {ol}
- [2F13] Bart hounded by creditors  {hl}
- [2F18] Dog episode in which the 25 dogs is a spoof of "101 Dalmatians" (cf.
         dog episode in which Laddie is a spoof of "Lassie")  {ol}
- [2F18] OFF has another dog besides SLH  {mss}
- [2F32] Rev. Lovejoy messes up a three-letter name  {ol}
- [3F01] Act One ending with a loved one being loaded into a van and driven
         away  {ol}
- [3F02] Bart goes through the whole town finding something of his that keeps
         getting passed around  {ar}
- [3F05], [4F05] Burns and Yale  {mss}
- [3F08] Kent Brockman ran a story about dogs getting credit cards  {js}
- [3F16] Bart ponders what good his fake driver's license is, until he uses it
         for something outrageous (cf. the credit card)  {ol}
- [3F17] Bart get phony driver's license  {hl}
- [3G01], [3G03] Only other eps to have the full opening this season  {mss}
- [3G01] A lava lamp is mentioned  {il}
- [4F01] Groundskeeper Willy's accent gives someone the wrong idea  {jw}
- [4F01] Milhouse's little dog is seen  {bjr}
- [4F03] the electric nose hair trimmer is seen  {bjr}
- [4F04] Bart's "butt doctor" job calling him to amputate Milhouse's butt
         {ol}

==============================================================================
> Freeze frame fun
==============================================================================
- Lisa's verb wheel (well, once you flatten it out)  {hl}

     GERMAN     VERB WHEEL
    DEUTCHES VERBEN-GLUCKSRAD  (two dots over the "U" in
                                "GLUCKSRAD")

- OFF's address  {bjr}

    RESIDENT
    742 EVERGREEN TERRACE
    SPRINGFIELD, U.S.A.

- Bart's credit application (capitalized as it appeared on screen): {jh},  {bjr}

    Social Security # _123-45-6789_  Date of Birth _7/15/[cut off]
    Home Phone _(513)_555-3726_     Business Phone _(___)_S/A_
    Occupation ____Butt Doctor____
    Income     _WHATEVER I Finds I KEEPS_
    Name       _SANTA'S LittlE HELPER____
                      Credit Card Agreement

    x Signature______________________  Date ___________

    NOTE:  The area code is not that legible, most likely by design.
           The "513" was my guess, but it could be one of the
           following:

        112 - [Undefined.  Let's say North Takoma -- Ed.]  {jh}
        503 - Northern Oregon {db}  (Springfield, OR, is 541, by the way)
        513 - Dayton, Ohio
        518 - Schenectady, New York
        613 - Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
        618 - Cairo, (southern) Illinois

- Credit envelope: {jh},  {bjr}

    +------------------------------------------+
    |MoneyBank (handwritten)                   |
    |PO BOX 45607                              |
    |CAPITAL CITY, U.S.A.                      |
    |                                          |
    |                    SANTOS L. HALPER      |
    |                    742 EVERGREEN TERRACE |
    |                    SPRINGFIELD, U.S.A.   |
    +------------------------------------------+

- Bart's, er, Santos' card: {hl},  {bjr}

    +---------------------------------+
    | M o n e y B a n k               |
    |                                 |
    | 4123 0412 3456 7890             |
    | 00/00 12/03/99 CCV   [ eagle  ] |
    | SANTOS L HALPER      [hologram] |
    +---------------------------------+

 The eagle logo suggests that this is a Visa card.

- The Covet House catalog cover  {bjr}


        THE
    COVET HOUSE
      CATALOG

- Items on the Covet House cover (clockwise from upper left)  {bjr}
   - cigars, a radio, a compass, a watch, a pen, and a Swiss Army knife.
   - In the center is a toy palace guard, like you might see at Buckingham
     palace.

- The first left page  {bjr}
   - a binocular or telescope set, and some type of scale.

- The first right page  {bjr}

    Lava Lamp           Plasma Sphere
    Nose Hair Trimmer   Juke Box

- Covet House phone number  {hl}

    1-800-555-1212

- The second right page  {bjr}
   - a ham and a cornucopia

- It also has the ordering information  {bjr}

                    THE COVET HOUSE
    [three credit card logos] CALL 1-800-555-1212
                    ORDER BY PHONE!

- Items Bart purchased with his ill-gotten credit card  {ol}
   - Vancouver smoked salmon (for Marge), Golf Shirt (for Homer), "Trucker's
     Choice" Stay-Alert Capsules (for Lisa), Frying-pan radio (for Marge),
     Jukebox, Krusty night-light (?), New pillows, New bedspread, Lava lamp,
     Painting of red roses, Stretch lamp, Skis, Gumball machine, Old-model
     telephone, Golf club, Kilem rug, Pachinko Machine, Potted plant, Rosebush
     (?), Dinosaur toy, Cel phone, Bookshelf (with books, a ball and a
     radio?), Laddie

- Park sign  {hl}

    ------------------------------------------------
    |           SPRINGFIELD DOG PARK               |
    | WHERE DIGS MEET TO SNIFF EACH OTHER AND BARK |
    ------------------------------------------------

- Laddie's "walk me" reminder  {bjr}

    TIME FOR A WALK

    [alarm]  #00041
    [clock]

- Thrift store sign  {bjr}

        CHURCH THRIFT      <- Olde English letters
             SHOP
    "Nobody Beats the Rev"

- Mr. Mitchell's address  {bjr}

                                 |
    FIRST CHURCH OF SPRINGFIELD -+-
    ---------------------------- | -

         Mr. Mitchell
         57 Mt. Auburn Street

==============================================================================
> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
==============================================================================
=  When Lisa turns her German Verb Wheel, the two windows in it disappear and
   reappear.  {ddg}

-  A glass of milk and a bowl with cereal in it only appear in front on Lisa
   when she opens her German wheel.  {ljs}

-  In the shot before we see the envelope containing Bart's credit card, Bart
   was holding a fork, with only a bowl a few inches away from Bart.  When
   Marge lowers the envelope, Bart has a filled bowl with a spoon in it, and
   there is a glass next to it, and a knife as well as a fork, most of which
   appears out of thin air.  {ol}

*  The letter from MoneyBank informs Bart that "occupant" (the addressee) has
   a good credit record.  But for MoneyBank to say that, they would have to
   make a specific record check on a specific member of the Simpson household,
   not just anyone there.  {ol}

=  Bart begins filling the credit form with his "Occupation," but when he
   writes down his name, we see that Bart has filled out his Soc. Security
   number, Date of Birth and Phone Numbers.  {ol}

=  If Bart was buying comic books A through Z, how come he only has a pile of
   the _Z_ comics to put on the counter?  {ol}

-  The hardcover Radioactive Man box set disappears.  {ljs}

+  Almost certainly the number to the Home Shopping Channel Bart bought that
   worthless I&S cel from was 1-800.  He should know what a 1-800 number is.
   {ol}

-  Bart's cordless phone has only nine buttons instead of the standard twelve.
   {jh}

=  Bart dialed 7 numbers on his cell phone even though the number was a 1-800
   number.  (That means it should have 11 numbers)  {vc}

*  How did that meat keep while being delivered in that [uninsulated] box?
   {ol}

+  In 7F14, Milhouse liked SLH.  Ditto Ms. Crabapple, Willie, and Bart's whole
   class.  {sb}

=  The license plate on the repossession van appears out of nowhere.  {sb}

*  Creditors, by law, aren't allowed to call you after 9:00pm local (to you,
   not them) time.  {bjr}

c  Bart said 'Bye Laddie' but the close captioning says 'Hi Laddie'.  {vc}

=  Where did Marge get the lipstick from?  {ol}

+  Why should Homer care if Bart gave away both dogs?  He was perfectly
   prepared to give SLH away in 7F14, and it would mean less bills for him to
   pay  {ol}

*  Lisa consents to Bart's plan to swipe back Santa's Little Helper?  I don't
   think so!  {bjr}

=  In the last scene, the bottom of Wiggum's tie is missing and only appears
   when he's facing the blind man.  {ljs}

c  The closed-captioning has Chief Wiggum saying "Hey, hey, Lou, don't bogart
   that, uh, medicine" as the police cars park at the blind man's house.  {jh}

c  Also changed in the final edit was Wiggum singing along with the music
   instead of giggling as the close captioning indicated.  {ew}

==============================================================================
> Reviews
==============================================================================
Dale G. Abersold:  Yes, we've seen the "Bart doesn't appreciate Santa's Little
   Helper, but misses him badly after he's gone, so he goes to great lengths
   to retrieve him" plot before, but I like how this episode approached the
   subject, there were many funny moments, and best of all, the ending was
   completely unexpected.  (B+)

Stephan Bonneville:  Not a bad outing.  Homer was a bit too immature, but the
   return of that one-eyebrowed baby was a nice surprise.  Milhouse going on
   about his goldfish was hilarious, and the scene with Willie (I 'ate him!)
   was also well played. A bit predictable, but good enough to earn a  (B)

Vince Chan:  Sigh, another 8th season episode.  The writers seem to be more
   interested in plot than humor.  Although the first part of the first act
   was very well done.  The rest of the episode seemed to lack humor, but the
   few seconds before the credits were pretty good.  The whole episode overall
   could have been better.  (C+)

Trevor Claffey:  Overall, a fairly weak episode; not much of a story to begin
   with, and a weak, (no pun intended) "pot-luck" ending.  What was with the
   lack of a subplot?  What happens to the credit card?  Not helping:
   stereotyping of the blind.  However, some funny jokes and the extra-long
   intro that, this season, has also been used in 3G01 and 3G03, make this
   episode worth watching.  Although I said that there was not much of a
   story, much of the classic "Bart-does-something-utterly- forbidden" plot
   (getting a credit card) pays off in this episode and the bit of story it
   has.  Not bad, but not all that good either.  (C)

Chris Courtois:  It's hard to say exactly what was wrong with "The Canine
   Mutiny", other than it just wasn't that funny or interesting.  This episode
   just limped along from one mildly amusing gag to another.  Even with a
   complete opening sequence this episode needed padding (Marge listening to
   the radio/frying pan).  And I'm really getting tired of the writers
   explaining the jokes to me, just in case I didn't get it (Bart remarking on
   "ate"/"hate" with Groundskeeper Willy). A few good gags saved it from the
   scrap heap, but overall this was one of the weakest shows Season 8 has
   offered up.  (Note I didn't say "worst episode ever" - this one wasn't
   close).  (C-)

Jonathan Haas:  Finally, a solid Season 8 episode!  As an utterly forgettable
   season nears its close, it's good to have at least one episode that
   qualifies as an instant classic.  The subplot is still apparently a thing
   of the past, but everything else about this episode was top-notch.
   Groundskeeper Willie was hilarious, as was the Comic Book Guy.  And for a
   change, the ending was a) hysterical, and b) a complete surprise.  Let's
   just hope that "Canine Mutiny" is not a fluke in a deteriorating series,
   but a sign that the Simpsons are back on track for good.  (A+)

Jason Hancock:  An average outing that didn't quite click with me, mainly
   because the SLH/Bart relationship has been done several times before -- I,
   like many on this group, would like to see Snowball II get a chance for
   once. Nonetheless, there were a few good moments in this one (like the pot
   scene in the end).  (B-)

Ryan Johnson:  A pretty good episode.  The only thing I didn't like about the
   episode were the animal death scenes.  The animal fire was in *really* poor
   taste.  Lots of funny little bits (the car-toons, and the repo depot) made
   up for it though.  (B)

Joe Klemm:  This is hands down one of the funniest episodes this season. The
   Mafia burial scene and the dog burning scene had me ROTFL and the Jammin'
   butchering by the cops at the end is a definite candidate for the next
   Simpsons album.  However, the only change I would make would be to add
   Colleen/Road Rovers jokes in it, since the dog is a collie.  (A+)

Ondre Lombard:  This one was a real snoozer.  Not in the fact that it wasn't
   funny, but the story just wasn't that intriguing or interesting.  Bart's
   mistake with SLH was quite predictable, and so was the fact that SLH's new
   owner would turn out to be blind (a plotline I've seen a number of times
   before).  I'm also disappointed at the cheapness of making blind Mr.
   Mitchell possess narcotics. Ron Hauge is turning out to be a typical
   Hollywood hack, with his ho-hum "twist" on an outrageous plot--Bart with
   the credit card.  I'd give the episode a lower grade, but C is quite
   sufficient for this forgettable tale. (BTW, the pun-title doesn't seem to
   relate to the story in any way.)  (C)

Abhi Ray:  I found this episode average.  The story's been done too many
   times.  Plus, stories involving SLH are too predictable.  "Bart's Dog Gets
   an F" was the worst episode ever for me.  "Dog of Death" was OK.  "2 1/2
   Dozen Greyhounds" was pretty good, but this episode just wasn't exciting.
   The best scenes were Bart trying to find who had SLH and the ending was
   hilarious.  (B)

Mark Aaron Richey:  A rather bland and boring episode.  Couldn't Bart have
   bought something more interesting than a bunch of tacky junk from a mail
   order catalog. And the "Lassie" parody really wasn't that very funny.  The
   finale involving blind Mr. Mitchell seemed to be awfully cliched, even with
   the marijuana twist finale.  (C-)

Sally Rosen:  Wow...I'm not sure what to say...Even if that marijuana bit at
   the end was funny, I don't think it was appropriate.  Luckily those
   bastards down at FOX have no conscience.  If they did, shows like "When
   Animals Attack" and "World's Scariest Police Chases" would never be shown.
   Oh well, not a total failure, but not even close to a great episode.  If
   not for that marijuana bit at the end, this episode would've been an F.
   (B-)

Yours Truly:  This show is typical of most recent episodes in that it stresses
   story fundamentals over outright laughs.  Fortunately, it's still funny
   enough to be amusing.  A fine twist near the end prevents a potentially
   sappy ending.  Overall, one of the better Santa's Little Helper episodes.
   (B+)

AVERAGE GRADE:  B (2.98)   Std Dev.: 0.8809   (22 reviews computed)

NIELSEN RATING: 8.10 (Ranked 43rd out of 118)  {ol}

==============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
>> Cat lovers demand equal time!

Benjamin Robinson:  Don Del Grande noted that this is the fourth Santa's
   Little Helper episode, while Snowball II has had none to her credit.  I
   submit this is because cats are less emotionally expressive than dogs, and
   thus harder to write for.  This bias isn't exclusive to "The Simpsons,"
   either.  Consider that many more movies have been made about dogs than
   cats.


Don Becker replies:  Good point, but Snowball II does get her share of
   mentions, though usually it's alongside, or because of, SLH (like the
   episode where she and SLH are walking on their hind legs and learn to say
   "I love you" to get OFF's attention.


>> The man behind the dog

According to "The Simpsons:  A Complete Guide to Our Favorite Family," Dan
   Castellaneta provides Laddie a voice.  I am sticking with the original
   credit of Frank Welker, as he has traditionally done the animal voices on
   the series, and because Laddie sounds a little like the vice-presidential
   dog in "Homer's Enemy (4F19)."  Anyone who can reliably testify as to the
   identity of the voice behind Laddie is invited to write to
   <capsules@snpp.com>.


>> Writer Watch

Dale G. Abersold:  Previously, Ron Hauge wrote the highly-regarded "Homer's
   Phobia" [4F11], as well as writing for such Nickelodeon shows as "Ren &
   Stimpy" and "Kablam!"


>> Unless your last name is "Simpson," you may already be a winner!

Mark Aaron Richey:  Publishers' Clearinghouse -- One of two major mail-order
   magazine companies that pitch magazines while offering big cash prizes,
   usually around $10 million (American Family, which uses Dick Clark and Ed
   McMahon as spokesmen, is the other).  Recently, both companies have started
   sending out notices saying that, unless you order a magazine, you will be
   dropped.  My family hasn't ordered a magazine from Publishers Clearinghouse
   in about four years, and we still get stuff from them, all promising to
   drop us from the mailing list.  Meanwhile, we did order a couple of
   magazines from American Family about nine months ago.  All of their
   subsequent mailings have warned that we were about to drop us unless we
   ordered some magazines.


>> Hier wird Deutsch gesprochen!

Herr Dale G. Abersold:  Lisa's and Homer's German was correct (although
   Homer's pronunciation of "hungrig" was Americanized).  Strange that Lisa
   went straight from the first person singular to the third person ... she
   left out "du isst."  Not so strange, however, that Homer instinctively knew
   the German word for "to eat."


>> Don't leave home without Santos L. Helper

Benjamin Robinson:  Bart's adventures in revolving credit aren't as far-
   fetched as they first seem.  Lately, card issuers have been sending pre-
   approved card offers to just about anyone with a street address.  The
   results are sometimes humorous, with card offers going out to such
   obviously inappropriate candidates like small children.  I don't know of
   any dogs getting their own credit card [ah, but read on -- Ed.], but at
   least one offer was extended to a lady's -cat-.


Howard MacGregor provides this humorous real-life example:  I liked Bart's
   credit card caper because my brother has legitimately held an American
   Express card in his dog's name for some years now. I won't give the exact
   name because somebody might fink him out to American Express but it's very
   much like this (and actually even more obvious): Rover Ourmutt.

   The way Rover Ourmutt got the card was via the phone company. My brother
   had wanted an unlisted number but that was going to cost a monthly fee so
   he had the original listing done as Rover Ourmutt. Bell had all their
   financial/credit  stuff on my bro tied to Mr. Ourmutt. AmEx Canada later
   apparently bought good risk names from Bell and followed Bell's credit
   rating to issue the card automatically.  He [...] uses it frequently so the
   dog (now long gone) has always maintained a good credit rating.

   One time a restaurant waiter of little humor spotted the name and thought
   he'd earn a reward by turning my brother in.  He phoned the American
   Express hotline and was promptly told to return the card to Mr. Ourmutt. So
   maybe American Express has a sense of humor - as long as they get paid.


>> Bart's credit application form

Mark Aaron Richey ruminates on Bart's form-filling technique:  On the credit
   card application, Bart put his Social Security number as 123-45-6789.  I'm
   impressed that he knew the right form for SS#'s.  He also put, as his birth
   month, either a 3 or a 7.  It looks like a 7 (which would make sense, if
   Lisa was born in August), but that would mean that Bart makes his sevens in
   the European style, with a line through the middle, which really doesn't
   seem likely for him.  On the other hand, he could have just plucked that
   date out of midair.


>> But do they publish cartoons?

Mark Aaron Richey:  "The New Yorker" -- an upscale literary magazine
   containing (mostly negative) movie, book, and play reviews, short stories,
   and non-fiction pieces.  In other words, Lisa's type of magazine, but Bart
   and Homer wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole.  The mascot of the
   magazine, Eustance B. Tilley, had a cameo in [3F22] "Summer of 4 Ft. 2"


>> Jesse Owens

Mark Aaron Richey (yes, him again):  One of the greatest track runners of all
   time, he won four gold medals at the 1936 Olympics in Berlin, much to the
   chagrin of Hitler, who had planned to use the Games to prove his theories
   of Aryan superiority.  Trivia note: the 200 Meter silver that year went to
   Mack Robinson, Jackie Robinson's brother.


>> The secret society for Ivy-League dogs

Dale G. Abersold:  "Skull and Bones" is an exclusive secret society at Yale;
   it first gained attention when it was revealed that George Bush was a
   member.  Supposedly, initiation rituals include nude wrestling and other
   activities too, uh, unsavory to mention here.  Monty is evidently not a
   member, since members don't even mention the name of the society in public.


>> 57 Auburn Street

Al Ju:  The address of the blind guy in tonight's episode was 57 Mt. Auburn
   Street.  Mt. Auburn Street is a central street running through Cambridge
   very close to Harvard Square.  I don't know if the exact address is
   supposed to refer to any location, although I think that location is very
   close to the Lampoon's address.


TomR@fred.net writes:  Thanks to search engines, we see that the Harvard Boys
   were Hub-centric in its in-joke, but NOT to Harvard or the Square

   "Mt Auburn Club

   57 Mt. Auburn Street, Watertown, 617-923-2255.  For those who like to look
   and watch while exercising, there is the upscale Mt. Auburn Club facility
   in Watertown.  Indoor and outdoor tennis courts, squash courts, swimming
   pools, Stairmaster and a well-equipped exercise room, steam and sauna."

   Watertown, BTW, is the next city over from Cambridge.


Michael Giovinco replies:  57 Mt. Auburn St. As [Al Ju] pointed out this is a
   street in Harvard Square, and might be near the Harvard Lampoon.  Close --
   it is actually the Harvard Lampoon's address.  I lived across the street
   from it for 3 years and while the Lampoon probably doesn't publicize their
   address freely (i.e. probably not available on the web or in phone books),
   I've read the '57' on the Lampoon castle which sits in the middle of Mt.
   Auburn.  In my opinion, this is what they were referring to - not some
   health club in Watertown.

   [Editor's note:  Benjamin W. Dreyfus is also convinced this is the
   Lampoon's address.]


>> "Hold on Chief... it might be medicinal."

Jonathan Haas weighs in on the issue of marijuana use:  This is a reference to
   the recent controversy surrounding marijuana's medical uses.  Among other
   things, it's allegedly effective in treating glaucoma.  By relieving
   pressure inside the eye, it can stave off blindness (hence, "without it, I
   could go even blinder!")  It also reduces nausea and stimulates appetite,
   which makes it a popular treatment among those suffering from AIDS-related
   wasting syndrome.

   In the United States, marijuana is classified as a Schedule I drug, meaning
   that it is not available even with a doctor's prescription.  After numerous
   efforts to get that classification changed, many groups advocating medical
   marijuana got fed up and put the question before voters directly.  In 1996,
   voters in California and Arizona passed initiatives to legalize marijuana
   for medicinal use.  (The Arizona initiative also permits doctors to
   prescribe other illicit drugs as well.)  The Clinton Administration leapt
   into action, warning doctors that they'd face revocation of their licenses
   if they prescribed or even recommended marijuana.

   In over 5,000 years of use, marijuana has yet to cause a single death.
   (Contrast this with alcohol and tobacco, each of which causes an annual
   death toll in the six figures in the United States alone.)  The federal
   government's war on this substance (described by a DEA judge as 'one of the
   safest therapeutically-active substances known to man') is, in this humble
   writer's opinion, unconscionable.

   By the way, some may view the "it might be medicinal" as placing
   Springfield's location in California or Arizona, as these are the only two
   states that have medical marijuana laws at the moment.  However, it's
   possible that it was just a ploy to give Bart an excuse to run along so the
   adults could share a smoke.  (I think it's pretty obvious that that's what
   happened, don't you?)

   [disclaimer: I don't smoke pot.  But I've got nothing against those who do,
   and I wish the government would stop jailing them and ruining their lives
   for an activity that hurts nobody.  -- JSH]


>> What does "bogart" mean, anyway?

Benjamin Robinson:  This is answered, in all places, the Beavis and Butt-Head
   FAQ.  (What, you didn't read the B&B FAQ before posting to
   alt.tv.simpsons?)  And your guess about it relating to Bogart's smoking
   habit is about right.

   In the movies, Bogart constantly had a cigarette dangling from his lip.
   Marijuana users who pass a single joint around picked up on this fact. When
   someone hogged a joint, they'd say, "Hey man, don't Bogart that." The use
   expanded to someone who hogged anything ("Hey man, don't Bogart that issue
   of 'Simpsons Illustrated'") and spilled over to the drug-free world.

   Too bad that line didn't make it over to the credits; it would have been
   the perfect thing to say.


>> And you thought they used the long opening to please the audience

Ondre Lombard noticed this while transcribing the episode:  The episode itself
   ran about 20 minutes and 29 seconds.  Pretty short.  Perhaps why this is
   the first 4F episode to use the long opening.  (The first non-Al Jean and
   Mike Reiss commissioned episode to feature the long opening since 2F08,
   "Fear of Flying").  Conclusively, I assume this episode will be left
   largely uncut in syndication due to its length.


>> Miscellaneous, Etc.

Dale G. Abersold:  Beverly Sills (briefly mentioned during Lisa's pep-pill-
   powered tirade) is a legendary American operatic soprano and television
   personality.


Joe Klemm:  The game Bart is playing in his room is Pachinko.  It is a popular
   game in Japan.  In it, people shoots balls, trying to get them in holes to
   get more balls, which can be used to buy things.


Ondre Lombard:  Funny how Rev. Lovejoy got karma for making his dog urinate on
   Ned's front lawn, with Santa's Little Helper "unholying the holy water."


Benjamin Robinson:  The song playing on the frying pan-radio was, the original
   version of "You Really Got Me."  (Don Becker points out it's the Kinks'
   version.)  "Jammin'" played as the ending credits.


Paul Ziemba:  Bob Marley was a good choice of music for the ending, because
   reggae is associated with Rastafarians, who are known to use marijuana.


==============================================================================
> Quotes and Scene Summary  {ol}
==============================================================================
% When Santa's Little Helper bangs into the front door, through which
% the Simpsons' mail is delivered, Homer is notified that the mail is
% here.  Marge gets it and looks through it in the kitchen, where
% everyone is having breakfast.  Bills, a free gasoline sample, and the
% Simpsons are out of the Publisher's Clearing House running, to Marge's
% dismay.  Also, Lisa got a German verb wheel from the Foreign Language
% Institute.  Homer got a new issue of CarToons, which he laughs his
% head off at.  [Or is that, "at which he laughs off his head"? -- Ed.]
% Bart complains that he never gets anything in the mail.  As a
% consolation, Marge gives him the junk mail, most of which is termite-
% themed.  ("SAVE the termites?")  But one letter catches his attention.
% He reads it in his room.
%
% The letter notifies Bart that the Simpsons have such a fine credit
% history, therefore they have been pre-approved for a charge card from
% MoneyBank.  So, he fills in the credit card application form with
% phony information and under the Name entry, Bart uses the dog's name.
%
% Six to eight weeks later, the mail comes, and Homer is notified of it
% the same way as before.  Bills, bills, rejection letter from the New
% Yorkers Subscription department, and Bart's credit card, issued to
% "Santos L. Halper."

Bart:     Wow!  My own credit card!  [kisses SLH]  Thanks, Santos!
          [SLH coughs up a quarter]
          A quarter?  Well, you're just the dog who keeps on giving,
          aren't ya?
-- This dog's paying off! "The Canine Mutiny"

% At the comic book store, Bart goes on a spending spree, capping his
% purchases with a request for the Radioactive Man video collection.
% When he asks Comic Book Guy to put it all on his credit card, CBG
% turns him out.

Now make like my pants -- and split!
-- Comic Book Guy tosses out Bart after he tries to purchase items
   with a fraudulent credit card, "The Canine Mutiny"

% "What good's a credit card if you can't even use it," pouts Bart, who
% happens by a trashcan containing a mail-order shopping catalog.
%
% A while later, Bart receives a package from Covet House mail-order.
% Bart has "bought" the entire family odd presents.  When Marge asks him
% where he got all this stuff (better question, HOW did he?), Bart
% butters her up with a frying pan radio.  Marge listens to "You Really
% Got Me Going."
%
% Lisa walks through the hallway, but stops by Bart's lavishly
% redecorated room, where Bart is playing with a noisy Pachinko machine.

Lisa:     You can't afford this.  How can you afford this?
Bart:     Ahh you've been all edgy and suspicious ever since I gave you
          those Pep Pills.
Lisa:     [peppy and speedy] What are you talking about-I don't need
          pep pills to be suspicious-If I wanna comment on it, I'll
          comment on it-Who's gonna stop me-You, Pep Pill Boy?-Pep boys-
          pills-Beverly Sills-Oh boy ah boy-Uh oh-uh oh... [walks out
          of Bart's room and off-screen]
          Uh oh.  I gotta stop taking those pills...
-- Lisa uses Bart's pep pills present pretty early, "The Canine Mutiny"

% Bart looks through another ordering magazine and finds a picture of a
% well-bred looking Collie which comes pre-trained, and is one of the
% 800 bred dogs that are considered to be possibly the "World's Best
% Dog."  Bart picks up his phone, but sees the price.

Twelve hundred bucks??  I better just get one.
-- Bart orders "quite possibly the World's Best Dog," "The Canine
   Mutiny"

% A few mornings later, Bart gets up and answers the door (SLH runs out
% the door quite eagerly).  A delivery truck leaves behind a huge crate,
% and Bart's ordered dog, looking much like a male Lassie, is inside.
% The dog jumps out the crate, leaving Bart to find the card that
% introduces the dog as Laddie, and he is trained to bring Bart fruit as
% a welcoming gift.  Enticed by Laddie, Bart walks in with the dog and
% leaves Santa's Little Helper outside.
%
% After Laddie scares Snowball II out of the kitchen, Bart introduces
% the dog to Marge and Lisa.  Laddie does a trick -- backflipping --
% then Marge and Lisa admire the new dog.  Homer walks obliviously into
% the kitchen.

Homer:    Hi, Marge.  Hi, Santa's Little Helper.  Hi, kids.  HEY!
          That's not Santa's Little Helper!
Marge:    That's Laddie!  Bart says he won him at a church carnival two
          towns over.
Lisa:     ...in a truth-telling contest, right, Bart?
Bart:     Ah, to the best of my recollection.  Yes.
-- Covering his butt legally, "The Canine Mutiny"

% Laddie fetches Lisa his owner's manual.

Lisa:     Hey, this says we should feed him lots of eggs and olive oil
          to ensure a glossy coat.
Homer:    Oh yeah.  A dog like this you have to feed everyday.
-- Bart gets a new wonder-dog, "The Canine Mutiny"

% Bart extols the virtues of his new pooch.

Bart:     He's trained to do all sorts of stuff.  He can herd sheep and
          perform CPR.
Marge:    [reads from the manual] Some call it the dog that never
          sleeps, though it actually does -- while jogging!
Homer:    Gee, that dog has more education than I do!
-- Laddie's real S-M-R-T, I mean, S-M-A-R-T, "The Canine Mutiny"

% "Hey, where'd he go?" asks Homer.  A moment later, the toilet is
% heard flushing and Laddie returns.  Impressed, the entire family
% applauds.  But meanwhile, SLH is standing outside, wagging his tail,
% staring at the door.  Night falls, and SLH is still there, wagging his
% tail and staring at the door.
%
% Bart gets a ring on his cel-phone in the middle of the night.

Bart:     Hello?
Creditor: Hello, Mr. Halper.  I'm calling from MoneyBank Credit
          Services Department.  I was wondering if you had a chance to
          read the threatening letter we sent you.
Bart:     Daaah...?
Creditor: [condescendingly] Because you sound like a mature,
          responsible person, who wouldn't want an unpaid credit card
          bill to spoil all his hopes and dreams for the future.
          Dreams such as home ownership, boat ownership and event-
          attendance!  Now, when can I tell my supervisor, Mr.
          Robinson, to expect payment?
          [Laddie takes the phone into his mouth and hangs it up]
Bart:     [nervously relieved] Good dog.
-- The inevitable consequences associated with credit card fraud, committed
   by Bart, "The Canine Mutiny"

% "C'mon, boy!  Let's go for a walk," yells Bart.  When he opens the
% front door, SLH bursts through and licks Bart lovingly, but Bart
% pushes him aside. He was asking for Laddie, because he has a job for
% him.
%
% Somewhere, Bart has Laddie dig a hole through the ground, and Bart
% drops his abused, ill-gotten credit card down the hole.  To their
% left, Fat Tony and his boys are disposing of a body.  Louie sees Bart
% and says, "We didn't see nothin' if you didn't see nothin'."
%
% En route home, Bart sees Repo Men taking Bart's things.  Worried,
% Bart tells Laddie to hide in the Flanders' bushes.  Bart rushes in to
% ask Lisa if Homer and Marge are home, but fortunately they're not.
% Lisa asks Bart why Repo men are taking his things, and Bart tells her
% everything.

Okay, so I committed a little mail-fraud!  Haven't I been punished enough?
-- Bart, after Lisa finds out about his credit card fraud,  "The
   Canine Mutiny"

% Lisa chases after a repo man who goes outside with a bassinet--with
% Maggie still in it.  Meanwhile, the last item to be repossessed is
% Bart's $1200 dog.  A Repo Guy asks Bart if SLH is the dog.  Bart
% hesitates to decide which dog to give away:  SLH or Laddie.  "Well, is
% he the dog, or isn't he??" presses the Repo Man.  Bart gulps, and says
% "Yeah.  That's him, all right."  So, SLH is loaded into a Repo van.
% "Sorry, boy.  I didn't plan this.  It just sort of happened," is
% Bart's parting words to SLH as the Repo van drives away.  Laddie licks
% Bart's hand and trots off, while Bart looks down glumly.
%
% [End of Act One.  Time: 8:33]
%
% On another morning, Marge gives Bart the OK to just once feed Laddie
% from the table.  Homer comments that Laddie seems a bit snooty.

Marge:    Homer, are you wearing a tie to impress Laddie?
Homer:    Do you think he noticed?
Marge:    [rolls eyes] [sneakishly puts on lipstick to impress Laddie]
-- A family not fit for a dog, "The Canine Mutiny"

% Lisa asks, "Where's Santa's Little Helper?"  Bart quickly explains
% that the took him to a kennel two towns over, just to get settled with
% Laddie.

Well, we wrecked the first dog.  We've gotta treat this one right.
-- Marge, after Bart attains Laddie the Wonder Dog, "The Canine Mutiny"

% When the family can't agree on who gets to walk Laddie this time,
% Lisa suggests the entire family walk the dog.  At the Springfield Dog
% Park, the Simpsons and Laddie mingle with the high class dogs.

Kent:     Hey, that is one fine looking animal you got there.
Homer:    Wow.  TV's Kent Brockman!  [shakes Kent's hand]
Kent:     Ha ha!  Hey, this fellow's not available to stud, is he?
Homer:    You want some puppies, eh, Mr. Brockman?
Kent:     No, no.  Jessica's been fixed.  She just needs a little [tsk
          tsk] attention.
-- Two Dozen and One Collies, "The Canine Mutiny"

% Mr. Burns even admires Laddie.  Otto comes over and sees if Laddie
% can catch a Frisbee.  Laddie, ahead of the flying Frisbee, catches it
% and throws it back with his mouth. (The Frisbee bounces off Homer's
% head).  Milhouse admires the dog, saying he's better than SLH.  Bart
% sadly comments that he's the only one who loved SLH, and Milhouse
% agrees.

Remember the time he ate my goldfish, and you lied to me and said I
never had any goldfish?  Then why did I have the bowl, Bart?  Why did I
have the bowl?
-- Milhouse, "The Canine Mutiny"

% "Yeah.  He was a great dog," Bart concludes, and walks away while
% everyone hangs out with Laddie.
%
% In his pyjamas, Bart really begins to regret giving up SLH, and
% imagines that SLH, along with a few other dogs, are being thrown into
% an incinerator for the purposes of speeding up a cruise ship.  "Nah,
% that's not too likely.  But still.  You're gone.  Where are you, boy?"
% Bart looks outside his window, and a boat's horn can be heard.
%
% Homer and Bart watch TV when Laddie walks in and gives Bart novelty
% card #00041 that says, "Time for a walk."  Bart is annoyed that he
% needs so many walks.  Homer says, "I'd take him, but those cards are
% non-transferable."
%
% Bart tiredly walks the dog.  Laddie hears a woman screaming for help
% and pulls Bart forward.  Next thing you know, Mayor Quimby is honoring
% "Heroic Dog" Laddie, who saved Gerald -- the baby with one eyebrow.
% After Laddie receives a medal, Bart asks, "NOW can we go home?"  But
% then Wiggum approaches, saying he wishes the police had a dog like
% Laddie.  Bart gives Laddie to Wiggum.  Wiggum starts gushing like a
% little boy and hugs Laddie.
%
% At the breakfast table, Maggie dumps a bowl of oatmeal over her head.
% Marge asks Homer to clean her up.

Homer:    Laddie!  [whistles]  Come'ere, boy!
          [invitingly]  Who wants to lick a messy baby?
-- How Homer cleans up Maggie, "The Canine Mutiny"

% When Laddie won't show up, Bart tells him he gave Laddie away.

Marge:    What's the matter, Bart?  Weren't you happy with him?
Bart:     No, he just wasn't the right dog for me.  I'm sure he'll be
          happy as a police dog.
Homer:    [angrily] He better know how to keep his mouth shut.
-- Bart gives Laddie the wonderdog away, "The Canine Mutiny"

% Understanding Marge decides they'll just get Santa's Little Helper
% back from the kennel, but then Bart breaks down and admits he gave SLH
% away too.

You gave BOTH dogs away??  You know how I feel about giving!
-- Homer, "The Canine Mutiny"

% "I'm sorry!  I know it's wrong, I messed everything up and now I
% don't have any dogs at all!" sobs Bart.  Homer tries to calm Bart
% down, and offers to get him a new dog, but Bart doesn't want a new
% dog.

Homer:    Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears
          smell like dog food.  So you can either sit there crying and
          eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell
          enough like dog food to make your dog come back -- or you can
          go out there and find your dog.
Bart:     You're right!  I'll do it.
          [Bart runs out the kitchen]
Homer:    Rats.  I almost had him eating dog food!
-- Homer encourages Bart to retrieve Santa's Little Helper,  "The
   Canine Mutiny"

% [End of Act Two.  Time: 13:54]

Bart:     I'm going to get the dog back!
Homer:    [off-camera, distant] The good dog or the bad dog?
Bart:     The bad dog.
Homer:    Ah good.
-- Bad dogs, bad dogs, whatcha gonna do..., "The Canine Mutiny"

% At the Repo Depo (where Moe's floor was repossessed because he hasn't
% paid his bills), the repossessor tells Bart that he sold SLH to "some
% guy wearing a dress."
%
% Bart goes to Patty and Selma's place first.  Patty didn't buy Bart's
% dog, and she has to go rescue Selma, because she thinks she swallowed
% a Band-Aid.
%
% The next "guy wearing a dress" -- Groundskeeper Willy.

Willy:    Yeah, I bought your mutt.  And I 'ate him!  [raises a huge
          bone of meat]
          [Bart gasps]
          [tears meat off the bone] I 'ate his little face, I 'ate his
          guts, and I 'ate the way he's always barkin'!  [tosses a bone
          behind him]
          So, I gave him to the church.
Bart:     [relieved] Ohh, I see.  You _hate_ him, so you gave him to
          the church.
Willy:    Aye.  I also 'ate the mess he left on me rug!
          [Bart turns around, stares at Willy]
          Ya heard me!
-- I don't wanna know, "The Canine Mutiny"

% At the Church Thrift Shop ("Nobody Beats the Rev"), Lovejoy recalls
% his brief ownership of SLH, and lists the bad things he did under his
% care.

He unholied the holy water!
-- Agnes describes what Santa's Little Helper did at church to Bart,
   "The Canine Mutiny"

% ...so Rev. Lovejoy gave SLH to a parishioner.  Lovejoy gives Bart the
% man's address.  Agnes nastily tells Bart to get out, then adds "Angel"
% after Lovejoy stares at Agnes askance.
%
% At the house of Mr. Mitchell, Bart finds SLH in his backyard, sitting
% as if he's in a trance while being splashed with water by the
% oscillating water sprinkler.  Bart buzzes the man's intercom to talk
% to him about his dog.  He tells him to wait just a minute.  In the
% meantime, Bart spits into his hands, wipes it onto his eyes and starts
% rehearsing his act of pathetic begging.  Mr. Mitchell turns out to be
% blind.

Mr. Mitchell: Hi there.  How can I help you?
Bart:         _You're_ the guy who owns the dog?
Mr. Mitchell: Yep.  His name is Sprinkles.
Bart:         Sprinkles?!
Mr. Mitchell: Yeah, he's my best buddy, eh.  'specially since my parrot
              decided to stop talking.
              [the parrot in question is now a dead skeleton in a cage]
              Polly?  Polly, wanna say hi to my guest?  Eh?  Fine, be
              that way.
-- Bart's dog's new owner turns out to be blind, "The Canine Mutiny"

% Mr. Mitchell asks Bart how he can help him, but Bart says forget it
% and leaves.
%
% In the worst way possible, Bart explains his plan to steal SLH from
% Mr. Mitchell to Lisa, inspiring her to remark, "Bart, that is a new
% low."  Lisa promises not to tell Homer and Marge only because she
% wants SLH back, but she asks Bart to try not to freak out Mr.
% Mitchell.  Bart can't promise to try, but promises to try to try.
%
% Dressed entirely in black, Bart clips through Mr. Mitchell's backyard
% fence, but finds SLH is inside the house.  Bart sneaks in through the
% doggy door at the back of the house.  He finds SLH and tells him how
% much he missed him.  SLH's barking alerts Mr. Mitchell, who walks down
% the stairs arming himself with his cane.  Bart tries to escape, but
% ends up forced to hide.  Mitchell gets SLH to help him find Bart, who
% hid under the piano, but is forced to move elsewhere when SLH starts
% licking him.  He runs into the closet (which happens to be right next
% to the exiting door), and Mr. Mitchell traps him.
%
% Mr. Mitchell torments who he believes to be the burglar he trapped in
% the closet.  Bart tells him he's just a kid and he came to get his dog
% back. Mr. Mitchell is surprised to hear "Sprinkles" is Bart's dog.
% Later, Bart explains his entire story.  Mr. Mitchell clarifies the
% bottom line, which is, "You want a blind man to give up his only
% companion."  "Yes, please," Bart replies.  Mitchell decides to let the
% dog decide.  Both start calling for Sprinkles, er, Santa's Little
% Helper, who after a while, starts chasing his tail, but finally goes
% to Bart.  Mr. Mitchell sadly congratulates Bart. Bart says he wishes
% they both could have dogs, then the door is busted down.

[busts down the door, rings the doorbell]
Hello!  Police!  Aw man, if this one's not the right house, I quit!
-- Chief Wiggum answers blind Mr. Mitchell's call for burglary,  "The
   Canine Mutiny"

% Mitchell tells him it was a false alarm, and in comes Laddie, who
% seems to get friendly with Mitchell, but then he sniffs his pocket and
% finds a package of marijuana.  Before Wiggum can get too hasty, Eddie
% remarks that they could be medicinal.

Without it, I could, uh... go even blinder! ... Right?
-- Mr. Mitchell, after the cops find his marijuana, "The Canine Mutiny"

% Wiggum sends off Bart.  Reunited, Bart walks off with Santa's Little
% Helper.  Meanwhile, another squad car drives up to Mr. Mitchell's
% house, with two other cops inside and a prostitute.  They all have a
% party, and "Jammin'" by Bob Marley starts.  Wiggum starts singing
% along.
%
% [End of Act Three.  Time: 20:29]
%
% Wiggum's singing along with Bob Marley's "Jammin'" plays over the
% credits.

==============================================================================
> Contributors
==============================================================================
{ar}  Abhi Ray
{bjr} Benjamin Robinson
{bs}  Brandon Starr
{ddg} Don Del Grande
{dga} Dale G. Abersold
{dj}  Darrel Jones
{dsb} Donni Saphire-Bernstein
{el}  Elaine Hobbes
{ew}  Eliot Williams
{hl}  Haynes Lee
{il}  Ido Lewit
{jh}  Jason Hancock
{jk}  Joe Klemm
{js}  Jacob Stohler
{jw}  Jenny Wohlford
{ljs} Liam J. Scanlan
{mss} Marge Starbrod Simpson
{ol}  Ondre Lombard
{sb}  Stephan Bonneville
{vc}  Vince Chan

==============================================================================
> Legal Mumbo Jumbo
==============================================================================
This episode capsule is Copyright 1998 Benjamin Robinson.  It is not to be
redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current
maintainer (capsules@snpp.com).  All quoted material and episode summaries
remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox.  All
other contributions remain the properties of their respective authors.  The
transcript itself is Copyright 1998 Ondre Lombard.  This capsule has been
brought to you by Covet House Enterprises.

This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie,
Frederic Briere, and all of those who made episode capsules what they are
today.

Many thanks to Dave Hall and Frederic Briere, who provided me with
alt.tv.simpsons archives when needed.  This capsule wouldn't be nearly as
complete without their invaluable help.