Lyrics for singles by Weird Al Yankovic
My Bologna
Another One Rides the Bus
Ricky
I Love Rocky Road
Eat It
King Of Suede
I Lost On Jeopardy
This is the Life
Yoda
Like A Surgeon
I Want A New Duck
One More Minute
Living With a Hernia
Fat
Lasagna
I Think I'm A Clone Now
Money For Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies
Isle Thing
Smells Like Nirvana
Jurassic Park
Achy Breaky Song
Headline News
Amish Paradise
The Saga Begins
White & Nerdy
eBay
Girls Just Want To Have Lunch
(This Song's Just) Six Words Long
Alimony
Livin' in the Fridge
Cavity Search
Syndicated Inc.
The Brady Bunch
Theme From Rocky XIII
I Can't Watch This
Stop Draggin' My Car Around
The White Stuff
Addicted to Spuds
Ode to a Superhero
She Drives Like Crazy
Spam
Grapefruit Diet
I Was Only Kidding
My Bologna : My Sharona {The Knack}
Oooh, my little hungry one, hungry one Ooh, my little pretty one, pretty one
Open up a package of my bologna When you gonna give me some time, Sharona?
Oooh, I think the toast is done, toast is done Will you make my motor run, my motor run?
Top it with a little of my bologna Got it coming all for the night, Sharona
Never gonna stop, eat it up, such a tasty snack Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty mind
I always eat too much, and throw up, but I'll soon be back I was getting up from the touch of a younger kind
For my my my yi yi wooo My-my-my-ay ooh
M-M-M-My bologna Ma-ma-ma-my Sharona
Spreadin' on the mustard now, a-show me how Come a little closer hon, a real hon
Spread it on a little of this bologna Close enough to look into my eyes, Sharona
Hopin' that we don't run out, don't run out Keepin' it a mystery you give to me
If we do, I'm sure that I'll miss bologna Rolling down the length of my thigh, Sharona
[chorus]
Goin' to the market now, market now When are you gonna get to me, ah get to me
I'm the city's biggest bologna buyer Is it just a matter of time, Sharona?
Walkin' down the shopping aisles, shopping aisles Is it such a destiny, a destiny?
Fillin' up my basket with Oscar Mayer Or is it just a game in my mind, Sharona?
[chorus]
Ridin' in a bus down the boulevard Steve walks warily down the street
And the place was pretty packed With the brim pulled way down low
Couldn't find a seat, so I had to stand Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet
With the perverts in the back Machine guns ready to go
It was smellin' like a locker room Are you ready, Are you ready for this
There was junk all over the floor Are you hanging on the edge of your seat
We're already packed in like sardines Out of the doorway the bullets rip
But we're stoppin' to pick up more To the sound of the beat
Look out! Look out!
Another one rides the bus Another one bites the dust
Another one rides the bus--ow! Another one bites the dust
And another comes on, and another comes on And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one rides the bus--hey, hey! Another one bites the dust
He's gonna sit by you Hey, I'm gonna get you too
Another one rides the bus--hey-y-y-y! Another one bites the dust
There's a suitcase pokin' me in the ribs How do you think I'm going to get along
There's an elbow in my ear Without you when you're gone
There's a smelly old bum standin' next to me You took me for everything that I had
Hasn't showered in a year And kicked me out on my own
Well, I think I'm missin' a contact lens Are you happy, are you satisfied
I think my wallet's gone How long can you stand the heat
And I think this bus is stoppin' again Out of the doorway the bullets rip
To let a couple more freaks get on To the sound of the beat
Look out! Look out!
[chorus]
The window doesn't open and the fan is broke There are plenty of ways you can hurt a man
And my face is turnin' blue And bring him to the ground
I haven't been in a crowd like this You can beat him, you can cheat him
Since I went to see The Who You can treat him bad and leave him when he's down
Well, I should'a got off a couple miles ago But I'm ready, yes I'm ready for you
But I couldn't get to the door I'm standing on my own two feet
There isn't any room for me to breathe Out of the doorway the bullets rip
Now we're gonna pick up more Repeating the sound of the beat
[chorus]
Ricky : Mickey {Toni Basil}
Hey Lucy, I'm home!
Oh, Ricky, you're so fine
You're so fine you blow my mind.
Hey, Ricky!
Hey, Ricky!
Oh, Lucy, you're so fine
You're so fine you blow my mind.
Hey, Lucy!
Hey, Lucy!
Oh, Ricky, you're so fine
You play your bongos all the time.
Hey, Ricky!
Hey, Ricky!
Oh, Lucy, you're so fine
How I love to hear you whine.
Hey, Lucy!
Hey, Ricky!
You always play your conga drums --- you think you got the right
You wake up little Ricky in the middle of the night
Stop shakin' your maracas now and just turn out the light
Ricky!
I'm sick of Fred and Ethel always comin' over here
'Cause Fred eats all our pretzel sticks and then he spills his beer
Why don't you serve your casserole and make them disappear
Lucy?
Oh, Ricky, what's a girl
like me supposed to do?
You really drive me wild
When you sing your Ba-ba-lu
Oh, Lucy, you're so dizzy
Don't you have a clue?
Well, here's to you, Lucy!
I love you too, Lucy, too, Lucy
Let's Ba-ba-lu, Lucy.
Hey, Ricky!
You're always playin' at the club; you never let me go
I'm beggin' and I'm pleadin' but you always tell me no
Oh please, honey, please, let me be in your show
Ricky!
Waaa...
You always burn the roast and you drop the dishes too
You iron my new shirt and you burn a hole right through
You're such a crazy redhead, I just don't know what to do
Lucy!
Oh, Ricky, what a pity
don't you understand
That every day's another rerun
And the laughter's always canned
Oh, Lucy, I'm the Latin
leader of the band
So here's to you, Lucy
Let's Ba-ba-lu, Lucy, do, Lucy
Everybody rumba!
I Love Rocky Road : I Love Rock 'n' Roll {Joan Jett & the Blackhearts}
I hear those ice cream bells and I start to drool I saw him dancin' there by the record machine
Keep a couple quarts in my locker at school I knew he must've been about seventeen
Yeah, but chocolate's gettin' old The beat was goin' strong
And vanilla just leaves me cold Playin' my favorite song
There's just one flavor good enough for me, yeah me An' I could tell it wouldn't be long
Don't gimme no crummy taste spoon, I know what I need, baby Till he was with me, yeah me, singin'
I love rocky road I love rock n' roll
So won't you go and buy a half gallon baby So put another dime in the jukebox, baby
I love rocky road I love rock n' roll
So have another triple scoop with me So come an' take your time an' dance with me
They tell me ice cream junkies are all the same He smiled so I got up and asked for his name
All the soda jerkers know my name That don't matter, he said, 'cause it's all the same
When their supply is gone Said can I take you home
Then I'll be movin' on where we can be alone
But I'll be back on Monday afternoon An' next we were movin' on
You'll see, another truckload's comin' in for me He was with me, yeah me next we were movin' on
All for me, I'm singin' He was with me, yeah me, singin'
[chorus]
When I'm all alone Said can I take you home
I just grab my self a cone where we can be alone
And if I get fat and lose my teeth that's fine with me An' next we were movin' on
Just lock me in the freezer, throw away the key, singin' He was with me, yeah me singin'
[chorus]
Eat It : Beat It {Michael Jackson}
How come you're always such a fussy young man They told him don't you ever come around here
Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no Raisin Bran Don't wanna see your face, you better disappear
Well don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear
So eat it, just eat it So beat it, just beat it
Don't want to argue, I don't want to debate You better run, you better do what you can
Don't want to hear about what kind of food you hate Don't wanna see no blood, don't be a macho man
You won't get no dessert till you clean off your plate You wanna be tough, better do what you can
So eat it So beat it
Don't tell me you're full But you wanna be bad
Just eat it, eat it Just beat it, beat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it No one wants to be defeated
Have some more chicken, have some more pie Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter if it's broiled or fried It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it Just beat it, beat it, just beat it, beat it
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it Just beat it, beat it, just beat it, beat it
Your table manners are a crying shame They're out to get you, better leave while you can
Your playin' with your food, this ain't some kind of game Don't wanna be a boy, you wanna be a man
Now if you starve to death you'll just have yourself to blame You wanna stay alive, better do what you can
So eat it, just eat it So beat it, just beat it
You better listen, better do what you're told You have to show them that you're really not scared
You haven't even touched your tuna casserole You're playin' with your life, this ain't no truth or dare
You better chow down or it's gonna get cold They'll kick you, then they beat you, then they'll tell you it's fair
So eat it So beat it
I don't care if you're full But you wanna be bad
Just eat it, eat it Just beat it, beat it
Open up your mouth and feed it No one wants to be defeated
Have some more yogurt, have some more Span Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter if it's fresh or canned It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
Just eat it, eat it Just beat it, beat it
Don't you make me repeat it Beat it, beat it, beat it
Have a banana, have a whole bunch [ad nauseum]
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Just eat it, eat it
If it's getting cold reheat it
Have a big dinner, have a light snack
If you don't like it you can't send it back
Just eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's broiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeat it
There's a sale on our gabardine suits today There's a little black spot on the sun today
They're all thirty percent off from yesterday It's the same old thing as yesterday
There's Fortrel polyester, leather, wool and tweed There's a black hat caught in a high tree top
Just a Visa or Mastercard is all you need There's a flag pole rag and the wind won't stop
We've got every color, we've got ev'ry shade I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
We're located next door to Willy's Fun Arcade With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
We got every fabric that was ever made I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But I'm known in this city as the King of Suede But it's my destiny to be the king of pain
We got portly and regular and extra-long There's a little black spot on the sun today
(Is my size up there?) That's my soul up there
We got tailors to fix it, if it comes out wrong It's the same old thing as yesterday
(Is my size up there?) Tha's my soul up there
We got all kinds of sweatshirts, you can take your pick There's a black hat caught in a high tree top
(Is my size up there?) That's my soul up there
With the collars ripped off, like that Flashdance flick There's a flag pole rag and the wind won't stop
(Is my size up there?) That's my soul up there
Our prices are low, my staff is underpaid I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
You can buy off the rack, or have it custom made With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
And it's all guaranteed to never shrink or fade I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
'Cause of my reputation as the King of Suede But it's my destiny to be the king of pain
If you need a tuxedo for your junior prom There's a fossil that's trapped in a high cliff wall
(Is my size up there?) That's my soul up there
We can get you the best one that's made in Taiwan There's a dead salmon frozen in a waterfall
(Is my size up there?) That's my soul up there
We got jackets with patches on the elbows, too There's a blue whale beached by a springtide's ebb
(Is my size up there?) That's my soul up there
And we'll sell 'em all factory-direct to you There's a butterfly trapped in a spider's web
(Is my size up there?) That's my soul up there
Well, I never made it past the second grade I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
It took all of my life for me to learn this trade With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
But my friends are all thinking that I've got it made I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
'Cause I'm known the world over as the King of Suede But it's my destiny to be the king of pain
There's a two-for-one sale on our three-piece suits There's a king on a throne with his eyes torn out
Check out our suede pajamas and our suede-covered boots There's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt
You can try on our suede underwear if you choose Ther's a rich man sleeping on a golden bed
Do what you want, but don't step on my blue suede shoes There's a skeleton choking on a crust of bread
King of Suede King of pain
Don't miss out on our giant liquidation sale There's a red fox thorn by a huntsman's pack
(Is my size up there?) That's my soul up there
Look for our color catalog in next week's mail There's a black winged gull with a broken back
(Is my size up there?) That's my soul up there
There's a sale on our double-knit slacks today There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old sale as yesterday It's the same old thing as yesterday
Thirty years in the same location I have stayed I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
There I am, right next door to Willy's Fun Arcade With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I got tough competition but I'm not afraid I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
'Cause it's my destiny to be the King of Suede But it's my destiny to be the king of pain
King of Suede King of pain
King of Suede King of pain
King of Suede King of pain
I'll always be King of Suede I'll always be king of pain
I'll always be King of Suede I'll always be king of pain
I Lost On Jeopardy : Our Love's In Jeopardy {Greg Kihn Band}
Ohhhhhh...
I was there, to match my intellect Where were you when I needed you
On national TV Well you could not be found
Against a plumber, and an architect What can I do, oh I believed in you
Both with a Ph.D. You're running me around
I was tense, I was nervous Well you can take it as a warning
I guess it just wasn't my night Or take it anyway you like
Art Fleming gave the answers It's the lightning, not the thunder
Oh, but I couldn't get the questions right-ight-ight You never know where it's gonna strike
I lost on Jeopardy, baby, oooh Our love's in jeopardy, baby, ooh
I lost on Jeopardy, baby, oooh Our love's in jeopardy, baby, ooh
Well I knew I was in trouble now It's later than you think
My hope of winning sank Oh what's the use
'Cause I got the Daily Double now Save your money now
And then my mind went blank It's hanging on the brink
I took Potpourri for one hundred Don't let go while I'm hanging on
And then my head started to spin 'Cause I've been hanging on so long
Well, I'm givin' up. Don Pardo It's so hard to be all alone
Just tell me now what I didn't win I know you're not that strong
Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah
I lost on Jeopardy, baby, oooh Our love's in jeopardy, baby, ooh
I lost on Jeopardy, baby, oooh Our love's in jeopardy, baby, ooh
That's right, Al, you lost!
And let me tell what you didn't win:
a twenty-volume set of the Encyclopedia International,
a case of Turtle Wax, and a year's supply of Rice-a-Roni,
the San Francisco treat. But that's not all!
You also made yourself look like a jerk in front of
millions of people! And you brought shame and disgrace
on your family name for generations to come!
You don't get to come back tomorrow!
You don't even get a lousy copy of our home game!
You're a complete loser!!
Don't know what I was thinkin' of Don't let go while I'm hanging on
I guess I just wasn't too bright 'Cause I've been hanging on so long
Well, I sure hope I do better It's so hard to be all alone
Next weekend on The Price Is Right-ight-ight I know you're not that strong, yeah, yeah
I lost on Jeopardy, baby, oooh Our love's in jeopardy, baby, ooh
I lost on Jeopardy, baby, oooh Our love's in jeopardy, baby, ooh
Yoda : Lola {The Kinks}
I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah I met her in a club down in old Soho
where it bubbles all the time Where you drink champagne
like a giant carbonated soda and it tastes just like cherry cola
S-O-D-A soda C-O-L-A cola
I saw the little runt sitting there on a log She walked up to me and she asked me to dance
well, I asked him his name I asked her her name
and in a raspy voice he said Yoda and in a dark brown voice she said Lola
Y-O-D-A Yoda L-O-L-A Lola
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo Lola
Well, I've been around but I ain't never seen Well I'm not the world's most physical guy
a guy who looks like a muppet but he's wrinkled and green But when she sqeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
Oh my Yoda Oh my Lola
Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
How he lifts up my ship just by raising his hand Why she walked like a woman but talked like a man
Oh my Yoda Oh my Lola
Now, I left home just a week before Well we drank champagne and danced all night
and I ain't never been a Jedi before Under electric candlelight
but Obi-Wan said "You stay the course She picked me up and sat me on her knee
You go to Yoda and he'll show you the Force." And said "Little boy, won't you come home with me?"
Now, I'm not the kind that'll argue with Ben Well I'm not the world's most passionate guy
So it looks I'm gonna start all over again But when I looked in her eyes well I almost fell
with my Yoda For my Lola
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda Oh my Lola
So I picked up some rocks I pushed her away
Just by using my head I walked to the door
But I won't forget I fell to the floor
what Yoda said, he said I got down on my knees
"Luke, stay away from the darker side Then I looked at her and she at me
and if you start to go astray Well that's the way that I want it to stay
let the Force be your guide." And I always want it to be that way
Oh my Yoda For my Lola
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda Oh my Lola
He said, "I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed Girl will be boys and boys will be girls
But remember if you kill him then you'll be unemployed!" It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world
Oh my Yoda Except for Lola
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo Lola
Well, I heard my friends really got in a mess Well I'd left home just a week before
so it looks like I'll be leaving Yoda, I guess And I'd never ever kissed a woman before
But I know that I'll be coming back some day But Lola smiled and took me by the hand
I'll be making these movies till I'm old and grey! And said "Little boy, I'm gonna make you a man"
The long term contract I had to sign Well I'm not the world's most masculine man
means I'll be making these movies But I know what I am
Till the end of time I'm glad I'm a man
with my Yoda And so is Lola
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo Lola
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo Lola
I finally made it through med school I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I made it through Somehow I made it through
I'm just an intern Didn't know how lost I was
I still make a mistake or two Until I found you
I was last in the class I was beat incomplete
Barely passed at the institute I'd been had, I was sad and blue
Now I'm tryin' to avoid But you made me feel
Yeah, I'm tryin' to avoid Yeah, you made me feel
A malpractice suit Shiny and new
Hey, like a surgeon Like a virgin
Cuttin' for the very first time Touched for the very first time
Like a surgeon Like a virgin
Organ transplants are my line When your heart beats next to mine
Better give me all your gauze, nurse Gonna give you all my love, boy
This patient's fading fast My fear is fading fast
Complications have set in Been saving it all for you
Don't know how long he'll last 'Cause only love can last
Let me see that I.V. You're so fine and you're mine
Here we go, time to operate Make me strong, yeah you make me bold
I'll pull his insides out Oh your love thawed out
Pull his insides out Yeah, your love thawed out
And see what he ate What was scared and cold
Like a surgeon, hey!
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Here's a waiver for you to sign
Wo-ho. Wo-ho. Wo-ho
It's a fact. I'm a quack You're so fine and you're mine
The disgrace of the A.M.A. I'll be yours 'till the end of time
'Cause my patients die 'Cause you made me feel
Yeah, my patients die Yeah, you made me feel
Before they can pay I've nothing to hide
Like a surgeon, hey!
Cuttin' for the very first time.
Like a surgeon.
Got your kidneys on my mind.
Like a surgeon, ooh hoo, like a surgeon
When I reach inside Feels so good inside
With my scalpel When you hold me
And my forceps and your heart beats
And retractors. and you love me
Oh ho. Oh ho. Ooh, baby
Yeah, I can hear your heart beat Can't you hear my heart beat
For the very last time For the very first time?
I Want A New Duck : I Want A New Drug {Huey Lewis & The News}
I want a new duck I want a new drug
One that won't try to bite One that won't make me sick
One that won't chew a hole in my socks One that won' make me crash my car
One that won't quack all night Or make me feel three feet thick
I want a new duck I want a new drug
One with big webbed feet One that won't hurt my head
One that knows how to wash my car One that won't make my mouth too dry
And keep his room real neat Or make my eyes too red
One that won't raid the ice box One that won't make me nervous
One that'll stay in shape Wondering what to do
One that's never gonna try to migrate or escape One that makes me feel like I feel when I'm with you
Or I'll tie him up with duck tape When I'm alone with you
I want a new duck I want a new drug
A mallard, I think One that won't spill
One that won't make a mess of my house One that don't cost too much
Or build a nest in the bathroom sink Or come in a pill
I want a new duck I want a new drug
One that won't steal my beer One that won't go away
One that won't stick his bill in my mail One that won't keep me up all night
One that knows "The duck stops here" One that won't make me sleep all day
One that won't drive me crazy One that won't make me nervous
Waddling all around Wondering what to do
One who'll teach me how to swim and help me not to drown One that makes me feel like I feel when I'm with you
And show me how to get down When I'm alone with you
"How to get down", baby. Get it? I'm alone with you baby
(quack, quack, quack, quack, quack)
I want a new duck I want a new drug
Not a swan or a goose One that does what it should
Just a drake I can dress real cute One that won't make me feel too bad
Think I'm gonna name him Bruce One that won't make me feel too good
I want a new duck I want a new drug
Not a quail or an owl One with no doubt
One that won't molt too much One that won't make me talk too much
One that won't smell too foul Or make my face break out
One that won't beg for breadcrumbs One that won't make me nervous
Hangin' around all day Wondering what to do
He'd better mind his manners, better do just what I say One that makes me feel like I feel when I'm with you
Or he's gonna be duck pate' When I'm alone with you
Duck pate', yeah yeah
Well, I heard that you're leavin'
Gonna leave me far behind (so far behind)
'Cause you found a brand new lover
You decided that I'm not your kind
So I pulled your name out of my Rolodex
And I tore all your pictures in two
And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go
Just because it reminds me of you
That's right (that's right), you ain't gonna see me cryin'
I'm glad (I'm glad) that you found somebody new
'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass
Than spend one more minute with you
I guess I might seem kinda bitter
You got me feelin' down in the dumps
'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the Gas Station of Love
And I have to use the self-service pumps
Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase
You ain't (you ain't) gonna break my heart in two
'Cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face
Than spend one more minute with you
I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Than watch you going out with other men
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door
Again and again and again and again and again
Aw, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, darlin'
I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches
Shove an ice pick under a toenail or two
I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue
Than spend one more minute with you
Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with Krazy Glue
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades
Than spend one more minute with you
I'd rather rip my heart right out of my rib cage with my bare hands
And then throw it on the floor and stomp on it till I die
Than spend one more minute with you
. Yeah, uh! Get up, now! Ow! Knock out this!
All I do is grunt and groan Super highways, coast to coast
Hurts me to walk anywhere Easy to get anywhere
Went to see my physician, Dr. Jones On the transcontinental overload, just slide behind the wheel
He took my trousers off, told me to cough How does it feel
Doctor says there ain't nothin' to discuss When there's no destination - that's too far
He tells me any day I might have to wear a truss And somewhere on the way, you might find out who you are
Living with a hernia Living in America
All the time, such aggravation Eye to eye, station to station
Living with a hernia Living in America
Gonna be my ruination Hand to hand, across the nation
Living with a hernia Living in America
Got to have an operation Got to have a celebration
Feel so old Rock my soul
Too much bad pain Smokestack, fatback
Good gawd, drives me insane Many miles of railroad track
Can't run, barely crawl All night radio, keep on runnin' through your rock 'n' roll soul
Got a bulge in my intestinal wall All night diners keep you awake, hey, on black coffee and a hard roll
Walk real funny, bless my soul
Can't play tennis and it's hard to bowl You might have to walk the fine line, you might take the hard line
You can't even do the splits now...Better call it quits now But everybody's working overtime
I'm sick of all this dancin' anyhow
. (chorus)
Living with a hernia
Hurts me bad in a tender location I live in America, help me out, but I live in America, wait a minute
Living with a hernia
Had enough humiliation You might not be looking for the promised land, but you might find it anyway
Living with a hernia Under one of those old familiar names
Got to have an operation Like New Orleans (New Orleans), Detroit City (Detroit City), Dallas (Dallas)
. Pittsburg P.A. (Pittsburg P.A.), New York City (New York City)
I live with a hernia Kansas City (Kansas City), Atlanta (Atlanta), Chicago and L.A.
Can't get up, can't bend over
Now I live with a hernia Living in America - hit me - living in America - yeah, I walk in and out
Wait a minute... Living in America
You may not be familiar with the common types
Of hernias that you could get I live in America - state lines, gonna make the prime, that
So just settle down, let me clue you in I live in America - hey, I know what it means, I
There's incomplete
Epigastric Living in America - Eddie Murphy, eat your heart out
Bladder Living in America - hit me, I said now, eye to eye, station to station
Strangulated Living in America - so nice, with your bare self
Lumbar hernia Living in America - I feel good!
Richter's hernia
Obstructed
Inguinal and Direct
Living with a hernia...Rupture!
I said it's causin' me such irritation
Living with a hernia
Have to have my medication
Living with a hernia
I feel bad!
Fat : Bad {Michael Jackson}
Your butt is wide, well mine is too Your butt is mine, gonna tell you right
Just watch your mouth, or I'll sit on you Just show your face in broad daylight
The word is out, better treat me right I'm telling you on how I feel
Cause I'm the king of cellulite Gonna hurt your mind don't shoot to kill
Ham on ham on ham on whole wheat, all right Cause I run UPT, lay it on me, all right
My zippers bust, my buckles break I'm giving you on count of three
I'm too much man for you to take To show your stuff or let it be
The pavement cracks when I fall down I'm telling you just watch your mouth
I've got more chins than Chinatown I know your game what you're about
Well I've never used a phone booth Well they say the sky's the limit
And I've never seen my toes And to me that's really true
When I'm goin' to the movies But my friend you have seen nothin'
I take up seven rows Just wait 'til I get through
Because I'm fat, I'm fat--come on Because I'm bad, I'm bad, 'cause I run UPT
(Fat fat--really really fat) (Bad bad-really, really bad)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it You know I'm bad, I'm bad, you know it
(Fat fat--really really fat) (Bad bad-really, really bad)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--come on you know You know I'm bad, I'm bad, 'cause I run UPT, you know
(Fat fat--really really fat) (Bad bad-really, really bad)
Don'tcha call me pudgy, portly or stout And the whole world has to answer right now
Just tell me once again: who's fat? Just to tell you once again: who's bad?
When I walk out to get my mail The word is out you're doin' wrong
It measures on the Richter scale Gonna lock you up before too long
Down at the beach I'm a lucky man Your lyin' eyes gonna tell you right
I'm the only one who gets a tan So listen up don't make a fight
If I have one more pie a la mode Your talk is cheap you're not a man
I'm gonna need my own zip code You're throwin' stones to hide your hands
When you're only having seconds But they say the sky's the limit
I'm having twenty-thirds And to me that's really true
When I go to get my shoes shined And my friends you have seen nothin'
I gotta take their word Just wait 'til I get through
Because I'm fat, I'm fat--come on Because I'm bad, I'm bad 'cause I run UPT
(Fat fat--really really fat) (Bad bad-really, really bad)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it You know I'm bad, I'm bad, you know it
(Fat fat--really really fat) (Bad bad-really, really bad)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it you know You know I'm bad, I'm bad, you know it, you know
(Fat fat--really really fat) (Bad bad-really, really bad)
And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds And the whole world has to answer right now
Just tell me once again: who's fat? Just to tell you once again: who's bad?
If you see me comin' your way We can change the world tomorrow
Better give me plenty space This could be a better place
If I tell you that I'm hungry If you don't like what I'm sayin'
Then won't you feed my face Then won't you slap my face
Because I'm fat, I'm fat--come on Because I'm bad, I'm bad 'cause I run UPT
(Fat fat--really really fat) (Bad bad-really, really bad)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it You know I'm bad, I'm bad, you know it
(Fat fat--really really fat) (Bad bad-really, really bad)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it you know You know I'm bad, I'm bad, you know it, you know
(Fat fat--really really fat) (Bad bad-really, really bad)
Woo woo woo. When I sit around the house
I really sit around the house
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--come on
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it, you know it
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know you know you know--come on
(Fat fat--really really fat)
And you know all by myself I'm a crowd
Lemme tell you once again
You know I'm huge, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat--you know, hoo
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it, you know
(Fat fat--really really fat)
And the whole world knoes I'm fat and I'm proud
Just tell me once again--who's fat?
Lasagna : La Bamba {traditional}
La-la-la-la-lasagna.
You want-a some-a lasagna, magnifico
Or a-maybe spaghetti!
Ay, you supper's a-ready now, where you go?
Mama mia bambino!
Mama mia bambino, 'samatta you?
'Samatta you, 'samatta you?
You should-a taste my lasagna.
Ay, you no like-a lasagna
That's okay too.
How about-a calzone?
Some-a nice minestrone, atsa good for you.
Have-a some marinara.
Have-a some marinara, I know-a you like.
I know-a you like, I know-a you like.
La-lasagna!
La-lasagna!
La-lasagna!
Would you like some-a zucchini?
Or-a my homemade linguini, it's hard-a to beat.
Have-a more fettucini.
Ay, you getting too skeeny, you gotta to eat.
Ay, mange, mange!
Ay, you-a pass the lasagna!
A-don't you get any on ya, you sloppy peeg.
Have-a more ravioli.
You-a get roly poly, a-nice and-a beeg.
Like you cousin Luigi.
Luigi, Luigi, capisce paisan?
Capisce paisan, capisce paisan?
La-lasagna!
La-lasagna!
La-lasagna!
La-lasagna!
Isn't it strange...? Feels like I'm lookin' in the mirror
What would people say...if only they knew that I was
Part of some geneticist's plan
Born to be a carbon copy man
There in a petri dish late one night
They took a donor's body cell and fertilized a human egg and so I say...
I think I'm a clone now
There's always two of me just a-hangin' around
I think I'm a clone now
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down
Look at the way...we go out walking close together
I guess you could say...I'm really beside myself
I still remember how it began
They produced a carbon copy man
Born in a science lab late one night
Without a mother or a father
Just a test tube and a womb with a view...
I think I'm a clone now
There's always two of me just a-hangin' around
I think I'm a clone now
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down
I think I'm a clone now
And I can stay at home while I'm out of town
I think I'm a clone now
'Cause every pair of genes is a hand-me-down
Signing autographs for my fans
Come and meet the carbon copy man
Livin' in stereo, it's all right
Well I can be my own best friend and I can send myself for pizza, so I say...
I think I'm a clone now
Another one of me's always hangin' around
I think I'm a clone now
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down
I think I'm a clone now
I've been on Oprah Winfrey, I'm world renowned
I think I'm a clone now
And every pair of genes is a hand-me-down
I think I'm a clone now
Thats my genetic twin always hangin' around
I think I'm a clone now
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down
Beverly.
Beverly Hillbillies.
Now, looka here, people, listen to my story
A little story 'bout a man named Jed.
You know somethin', that poor mountaineer
They say he barely kept his family fed.
Now lemme tell ya, one day he was shootin'.
Ol' Jed was shootin' at some food.
When all of a sudden, right up from the ground there
Well, there came a bubblin' crude.
Oil, that is. Well, maybe you call it
Black gold or Texas tea.
He gonna move next to Mr. Drysdale
And be a Beverly Hillbilly.
Before you know it, all the kinfolk are a-sayin'
Yeah, Buddy, move away from there.
That litle Clampett got his own cee-ment pond.
That little Clampett, he's a millionaire.
Now everyone said Californy
Is the place that you oughta be.
We got to load up this here truck now.
We got to move to Beverly.
Hills, that is.
Swimmin' pools
Move-a-move-a-movie stars.
Huh, looka that looka that.
(beverly, beverly, beverly hillbilly)
Y'all come back now, hear?
(beverly, beverly, beverly hillbilly)
(beverly, beverly, beverly hillbilly)
Isle Thing : Wild Thing {Tone Loc}
Met this fine young thing at the local Circle K.
She made a date for a half past eight, and I said, "What the hey."
So I journeyed to her crib, and I let myself inside.
That chick was slouched down on the couch. I think her brain was fried.
Couldn't figure it out, she wouldn't even look at me.
Then I saw her eyes, she was hypnotized. Cold glued to her TV.
Said, "What's your problem, baby doll? Let's have a little fling."
She said, "Hey, you fool, now just be cool.
I'm watchin' that Gilligan's Isle Thing."
Isle Thing.
Isle Thing.
Watchin' all night. Must've been a marathon.
I was bummin', those shows kept comin'. Here's what was goin' on.
These castaways were stranded on this island out at sea.
One of 'em called Gilligan said, "Let's name it after me!"
He'd mess up every rescue. Man, that first mate was illin'.
If I was one of them castaways, I think I'd probably kill him.
Just about that time, the telephone began to ring.
She said, "Just let it, my machine'll get it.
We're watchin' the Gilligan's Isle Thing."
Isle Thing.
She loves that Gilligan's Isle Thing.
Isle Thing.
Please, baby baby, please.
I liked the professor. He always saved their butts.
He could build a nuclear reactor from a couple of coconuts.
She said, "That guy's a genius." I shook my head and laughed.
I said, "If he's so fly, then tell me why he couldn't build a lousy raft?
And while we're on the subject, I'll tell you one thing for sure.
Those homeboys brought an awful lot for just a three-hour tour."
Then her mom came in the room. It was kind of embarrassing.
She said, "Hey, you two, I was once like you
And I love that Gilligan's Isle Thing."
Isle Thing.
She'd watch that Gilligan's Isle Thing.
Please, baby baby, please.
Skipper's in a hammock. He's lookin' kinda fat.
He'd throw a fit and then he'd hit ol' Gilligan with his hat.
Mrs. Howell got it goin' on, but Mr. Howell was meaner.
Ginger and Mary Ann could've used some funky cold medina.
I was really diggin' this show. I didn't know what to do.
It kinda looked like I was hooked. Now I'm an addict too.
I know each episode by heart. Now I'm the Rerun King.
And on every date we both say up late
And watch the Gilligan's Isle Thing.
Isle Thing.
Hasta la vista, Little Buddy.
Gilligan's Isle Thing.
What is this song all about?
Can't figure any lyrics out
How do the words to it go?
I wish you'd tell me, I don't know
Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no
Dnn't know, don't know, don't know
Now I'm mumblin' and I'm screamin'
And I don't know what I'm singin'
Crank the volume, ears are bleedin'
I still don't know what I'm singin'
We're so loud and incoherent
Boy this oughtta bug your parents
Yeah
It's un-in-tel-ligible
I just can't get it through my skull
It's hard to bargle nawdle zouss(?)
With all these marbles in my mouth
Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no
Don't know, don't know, don't know...
Well we don't sound like Madonna
Here we are now, we're Nirvana
Sing distinctly? We don't wanna
Buy our album, we're Nirvana
A garage band from Seattle
Well, it sure beats raising cattle
Yeah
And I forgot the next verse
Oh well, I guess it pays to rehearse
The lyric sheet's so hard to find
What are the words? Oh, never mind
Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no
Don't know, don't know don't know...
Well, I'm yellin' and we're playin'
But I don't know what I'm sayin'
What's the message I'm conveyin'?
Can you tell me what I'm sayin'?
So have you got some idea?
Didn't think so, well, I'll see ya!
Sayonara, sayonara
Ayonawa, adinawa
Odinaya, yodinaya
Yaddayadda, yaaahyaaah
Ayaaaaah!
Jurassic Park : MacArthur Park {Jimmy Webb,Richard Harris}
I recall the time they found those fossilized mosquitos Spring was never waiting for us, girl
And before long they were cloning DNA It ran one step ahead as we followed in the dance
Now I'm being chased by some irate velociraptors Between the parted pages and were pressed
Well believe me...this has been one lousy day In love's hot, fevered iron like a striped pair of pants
Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone shut the fence off in the rain Someone left the cake out in the rain
I admit it's kinda eerie I don't think that I can take it
But this proves my chaos theory 'cause it took so long to bake it
And I don't think I'll be coming back again And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh no Oh, no!
I cannot approve of this attraction I recall the yellow cotton dress
'Cause getting disemboweled always makes me kinda mad Foaming like a wave on the ground around your knees
A huge tyrannosaurus ate our lawyer The birds, like tender babies in your hands
Well I suppose that proves they're really not all bad And the old men playing checkers by the trees
Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark [chorus]
All the dinosaurs are running wild
Someone let T. Rex out of his pen
I'm afraid those things'll harm me
'Cause they sure don't act like Barney
And they think that I'm their dinner, not their friend
Oh no
Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark There will be another song for me
All the dinosaurs are running wild For I will sing it
What a crummy weekend this has been There will be another dream for me
Well this sure ain't no E-ticket Someone will bring it
Think I'll tell 'em where to stick it I will drink the wine while it is warm
'Cause I'm never coming back this way again And never let you catch me looking at the sun
Oh no...oh no And after all the loves of my life
. After all the loves of my life
. You'll still be the one.
. I will take my life into my hands and I will use it
. I will win the worship in their eyes and I will lose it
. I will have the things that I desire
. And my passion flow like rivers through the sky.
. And after all the loves of my life
. After all the loves of my life
. I'll be thinking of you
. And wondering why.
Achy Breaky Song : Achy Breaky Heart {Billy Ray Cyrus}
You can torture me You can tell the world
with Donny and Marie You never was my girl
You can play some Barry Manilow You can burn my clothes up when I'm gone
You can play some schlock You can tell your friends
Like New Kids on the Block Just what a fool I've been
Or any Village People song you know And laugh and joke about me on the phone
Or play Vanilla Ice You can tell my arms
Hey, you can play him twice Go back to the farm
And you can play the Bee Gees any day You can tell my feet to hit the floor
But Mr. D.J. please Or you can tell my lips
I'm beggin' on my knees To tell my fingertips
I just can't take no more of Billy Ray They won't be reaching out for you no more
Don't play that song But don't tell my heart
That "Achy Breaky" song My achy breaky heart
The most annoying song I know I just don't think he'd understand
And if you play that song And if you tell my heart
That "Achy Breaky" song My achy breaky heart
I might blow up my radio He might blow up and kill this man
You can clear the room You can tell your Ma
By playing Debbie Boone I moved to Arkansas
Or crank your ABBA records until dawn You can tell your dog to bite my leg
Oh, I could even bear Or tell your brother Cliff
Slim Whitman or Zamfir whose fist can tell my lip
Don't mind a Yoko Ono marathon He never really liked me anyway
Or play some Tiffany Or tell your Aunt Louise
On 8-track or CD Tell anything you please
Or scrape your fingernails across the board Myself already knows I'm not okay
Or tie me to a chair Or you can tell my eyes
And kick me down the stairs To watch out for my mind
Just please don't play that stupid song no more It might be walking out on me today
Don't play that song But don't tell my heart
That "Achy Breaky" song My achy breaky heart
You know I hate that song a bunch I just don't think he'd understand
And if you play that song And if you tell my heart
That nauseating song My achy breaky heart
It might just make me lose my lunch He might blow up and kill this man
But don't play that song But don't tell my heart
That "Achy Breaky" song My achy breaky heart
I think it's driving me insane I just don't think he'd understand
Oh, please don't play that song And if you tell my heart
That irritating song My achy breaky heart
I'd rather have a pitchfork in my brain He might blow up and kill this man
Headline News : Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm {Crash Test Dummies}
Once there was this kid who Once there was this kid who
Took a trip to Singapore Got into an accident
And brought along his spraypaint And couldn't come to school
And when he finally came back But when he finally came back
He had cane marks all over his bottom His hair had turned from black into bright white
He said that it was from when He said that it was from when
The warden whacked it so hard The cars had smashed him so hard
Mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm
Once there was this girl who Once there was this girl who
Swore that one day she would be Wouldn't go and change with the
A figure skating champion girls in the change room
And when she finally made it But when they finally made her
She saw some other girl who was better They saw birthmarks all over her body
So she hired some guy She couldn't quite explain it
To club her in the kneecap They'd always just been there
Mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm
They got paid for their sound-bites But both the girl and boy were glad
And sold their TV movie rights 'Cause one kid had it worse than that
And then there was this guy who 'Cause then there was this boy whose
Made his wife so mad one night Parents made him come directly home
That she cut off his weiner Right after school
And when he finally came to And when they went to the church
He found that Mr. Happy was missing They shook and lurched all over the church floor
He couldn't quite explain He couldn't quite explain
It had always just been there They'd always just gone there
Mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm
Amish Paradise : Gangsta's Paradise {Coolio}
As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain I take a look at my life and realise there's nuthin' left
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me 'Cuz I've been blasting and laughing so long
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity That even my mama thinks that my mind is gone
At four-thirty in the morning I'm milkin' cows But I ain't never crossed a man that didn't deserve it
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool Me be treated like a punk? You know that's unheard of
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that You better watch how you're talking, and where you're walking
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone Or you and your homies might be lined in chalk
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline I really hate to trip but i gotta loc
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin As I grow I see myself in the pistol smoke, fool
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine I'm the kinda G the little homies wanna be like
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699 on my knees in the night, saying prayers in the streetlight.
We've been spending most our lives Been spending most their lives
Living in an Amish paradise Living in the gangsta's paradise
I've churned butter once or twice Been spending most their lives
Living in an Amish paradise Living in the gangsta's paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice Been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise Living in the gangsta's paradise
We sell quilts at discount price Been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise Living in the gangsta's paradise
A local boy kicked me in the butt last week The ghetto situation, they got me facin'
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek I can't live a normal life, I was raised by the stripes
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well So I gotta be down with the hood team
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell Too much television watching got me chasing dreams
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it I'm an educated fool with money on my mind
An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of Got my tin in my hand and a gleam in my eye
I never wear buttons, but I got a cool hat I'm a loc'd out gangsta set trippin' banger
And my homeys agree I really look good in black... fool And my homies is down so don't arouse my anger, fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears Death ain't nothing but a heartbeat away
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years I'm living life, do or die, what can I say
But we ain't really quaint so please don't point and stare I'm 23 now, but will I live to see 24
We're just technologically impaired The way things are going I don't know
There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar Tell me why are we, so blind to see
Not a single luxury That the one's we hurt, are you and me
Like Robinson Caruso
It's as primitive as can be
We've been spending most our lives Been spending most their lives
Living in an Amish paradise Living in the gangsta's paradise
We're just plain and simple guys Been spending most their lives
Living in an Amish paradise Living in the gangsta's paradise
There's no time for sin and vice Been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise Living in the gangsta's paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice Been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish Paradise Living in the gangsta's paradise
Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter Power and the money, money and the power
Raise a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise anutter Minute after minute, hour after hour
Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart? Everybody's running, but half of them ain't looking
Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art What's going on in the kitchen, but I don't know what's cookin'
I'm the pious guy They say I gotta learn
The little Amlettes wanna be like But nobody's here to teach me
On my knees day and night If they can't understand it
Scorin' points for the afterlife How can they reach me
So don't be vain and don't be whiny I guess they can't, I guess they won't
Or else, my brother, I guess they front, that's why I know
I might have to get medieval on your heinie My life is out of luck, fool
We've been spending most our lives Been spending most their lives
Living in an Amish paradise Living in the gangsta's paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites Been spending most their lives
Living in an Amish paradise Living in the gangsta's paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights Been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise Living in the gangsta's paradise
But you'd probably think it bites Been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise Living in the gangsta's paradise
A long long time ago
in a galaxy far away
Naboo was under an attack
And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn
Could talk the Federation in
To maybe cutting them a little slack
But their response, it didn't thrill us
They locked the doors and tried to kill us
We escaped from that gas
Then met Jar Jar and Boss Nass
We took a bongo from the scene
And we went to Theed to see the queen
We all wound up on Tatooine
That's where we found this boy...
Oh my my, this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
Did you know this junkyard slave
Isn't even old enough to shave
But he can use the Force they say
Ahh, do you see him hitting on the queen
Though he's just nine and she's fourteen
Yeah, he's probably gonna marry her someday
Well, I know he built C-3PO
And I've heard how fast his pod can go
And we were broke, it's true
So we made a wager or two
He was a prepubescent flyin' ace
And the minute Jabba started off that race
Well, I knew who would win first place
Oh yes, it was our boy
We started singin'...
[chorus]
Now we finally got to Coruscant
The Jedi Council we knew would want
To see how good the boy could be
So we took him there and we told the tale
How his midi-chlorians were off the scale
And he might fulfill that prophecy
Oh, the Council was impressed, of course
Could he bring balance to the Force?
They interviewed the kid
Oh, but training they forbid
Because Yoda sensed in him much fear
And Qui-Gon said, "Now listen here
Just stick it in your pointy ear
I still will teach this boy"
He was singin'...
[chorus]
We caught a ride back to Naboo
'Cause Queen Amidala wanted to
I frankly would've liked to stay
We all fought in that epic war
And it wasn't long at all before
Little Hotshot flew his plane and saved the day
And in the end some Gungans died
Some ships blew up and some pilots fried
A lot of folks were croakin'
The battle droids were broken
And the Jedi I admired most
Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast
Well, I'm still here and he's a ghost
I guess I'll train this boy
And I was singin'...
[chorus]
We were singin'...
[chorus]
White & Nerdy : Ridin' (Chamillionaire and Krayzie Bone)
They see me mowin'... my front lawn They see me rollin
I know they're all thinkin' I'm so white & nerdy They hatin
Think I'm just too white & nerdy Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Think I'm just too white & nerdy Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Can't ya see I'm white & nerdy? Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Look at me, I'm white & nerdy Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
I wanna roll with... the gangstas Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
But so far they all think I'm too white and nerdy My music so loud
Think I'm just too white & nerdy I'm swangin
Think I'm just too white & nerdy They hopin that they gon catch me ridin dirty
I'm just too white & nerdy Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Really, really white & nerdy Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
First in my class there at MIT Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Got skills, I'm a champion at D&D
MC Escher, that's my favorite MC Police think they can see me lean
Keep your 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea I'm tint so it ain't easy to be seen
My rims never spin - to the contrary When you see me ride by they can see the glean
You'll find that they're quite stationary And my shine on the deck and the TV screen
All of my action figures are cherry Ride with a new chick, she like hold up
Stephen Hawking's in my library Next to the playstation controller is a full clip and my pistola
My MySpace page is all totally pimped out Turn a jacker into a coma
Got people beggin' for my Top 8 spaces Girl you ain't know, I'm crazy like Krayzie Bone
Yo, I know pi to a thousand places Just tryin to bone ain't tryin to have no babies
Ain't got no grills, but I still wear braces Rock clean itself so I pull in ladies
I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise Laws of patrolling you know they hate me
I'm a whiz at Minesweeper, I could play for days Music turned all the way up until the maximum
Once you see my sweet moves, you're gonna stay amazed I can speak for some niggas tryin to jack for some
My fingers movin' so fast, I'll set the place ablaze But we packin somethin that we have and um will have a nigga locked up in the maximum
There's no killer app I haven't run Security cell, I'm grippin oak
At Pascal, well, I'm number one Music loud and tippin slow
Do vector calculus just for fun Twist and twistin like hit this dough
I ain't got a gat but I got a soldering gun Pull up from behind and is in his throat
"Happy Days" is my favorite theme song Windows down gotta stop pollution
I could sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong CDs change niggas like who is that producing?
I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on This the Play-N-Skillz when we out and cruisin
I'm fluent in JavaScript as well as Klingon Got warrants in every city except Houston but I'm still ain't losin
Here's the part I sing on...
[chorus]
They see me roll on... my Segway
I know in my heart they think I'm white & nerdy I been drinkin and smokin holdin shit cause a brother can't focus
Think I'm just too white & nerdy I gotta get to home 'fore the po po's scope this big ol Excursion swerving all up in the curve man
Think I'm just too white & nerdy Nigga been sippin on that Hennessey and the gin again is in again we in the wind
Can't ya see I'm white & nerdy? Doin a hundred while I come from the block
Look at me, I'm white & nerdy And rollin another one up, we livin like we ain't givin a fuck
I'd like to roll with... the gangstas I got a revolver in my right hand, 40 oz on my lap freezing my balls
Although it's apparent I'm too white and nerdy Roll a nigga tree, green leaves and all
Think I'm just too white & nerdy Comin up pretty deep, me and my do-jo
Think I'm just too white & nerdy I gotta get back to backstreets
I'm just too white & nerdy Wanted by the six pound and I got heat glock glock shots to the block we creep creep
How'd I get so white & nerdy? Pop Pop hope cops don't see me, on a low key
With no regards for the law we dodge em like fuck em all
I've been browsin', inspectin' But I won't get caught up and brought up on charges for none of y'all
X-Men comics, you know I collect 'em Keep a gun in car, and a blunt to spark, but well if you want, nigga you poppin dark
The pens in my pocket, I must protect 'em Ready or not we bust shots off in the air Krayzie Bone and Chamillionaire
My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored
Shoppin' online for deals on some writable media [chorus]
I edit Wikipedia
I memorized "Holy Grail" really well Do what you thinkin so, I tried to let you go
I can recite it right now and have you ROTFLOL Turn up a blink of light and I swang it slower
I got a business doin' web sites A nigga upset for sure cause they think they know that they catchin me with plenty of the drinkin drough
When my friends need some code, who do they call? So they get behind me tryin to check my tags, look at my rearview and they smilin
I do HTML for 'em all Thinkin they'll catch me on the wrong well keep tryin
Even made a home page for my dog Cause they denyin is racial profiling
Yo, I got myself a fanny pack Houston, TX you can check my tags
They were havin' a sale down at The Gap Pull me over try to check my slab
Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap Glove compartment gotta get my cash
Pop pop, hope no one sees me... gettin' freaky Cause the crooked cops try to come up fast
I'm nerdy in the extreme and whiter than sour cream And been a baller that I am I talk to them, giving a damn bout not feeling my attitude
I was in A/V Club and Glee Club and even the chess team When they realize I ain't even ridin dirty bet you'll be leavin with an even madder mood
Only question I ever thought was hard I'mma laugh at you then I'mma have to cruise I'm in number two on some more DJ Screw
Was, do I like Kirk or do I like Picard? You can't arrest me plus you can't sue
Spend every weekend at the Renaissance Faire This a message to the laws tellin them WE HATE YOU
Got my name on my underwear I can't be toss or tell em that they shoulda known
Tippin down sittin crooked on my chrome
They see me strollin'... they laughin' Bookin my phone tryin to find a chick I wanna bone
And rollin' their eyes 'cause I'm so white & nerdy Like they couldn't stop me I'mma bout to pull up at your home and it's on
Just because I'm white & nerdy
Just because I'm white & nerdy
All because I'm white & nerdy
Holy cow, I'm white & nerdy
I wanna bowl with... the gangstas
But oh well, it's obvious I'm white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white & nerdy
Think I'm just too white & nerdy
I'm just too white & nerdy
Look at me, I'm white & nerdy
eBay : I want it that way {The Backstreet Boys}
Yeah ... Yeah ...
A used ... pink bathrobe You are ... my fire
A rare ... mint snowglobe The one ... desire
A Smurf ... TV tray Believe when I say
I bought on eBay I want it that way
My house ... is filled with this crap But we ... are two worlds apart
Shows up in bubble wrap Can't reach to your heart
Most every day When you say:
What I bought on eBay That I want it that way.
Tell me why I need another pet rock? Tell me why ... ain't nothin' but a heartache
Tell me why I got that Alf alarm clock? Tell me why ... ain't nothin' but a mistake
Tell me why I bid on Shatner's old toupee? Tell me why ... I never wanna hear you say
They had it on eBay I want it that way
I'll buy ... your knick-knack Am I ... your fire?
Just check ... my feedback Your one ... desire?
"A++!" they all say Yes I know, it's too late
They love me on eBay But I want it that way
Gonna buy a slightly-damaged golf bag Tell me why ... ain't nothin' but a heartache
Gonna buy some Beanie Babies, new with tag Tell me why ... ain't nothin' but a mistake
From some guy I've never met in Norway Tell me why ... I never wanna hear you say
I found him on eBay I want it that way
I am the type who is liable to snipe you Now I can see that we've fallen apart
With two seconds left to go, whoa From the way that it used to be, yeah
Got PayPal or Visa, whatever'll please ya No matter the distance ... I want you to know
As long as I've got the dough That deep down inside of me...
I'll buy ... your tchotchkes You are ... my fire
Sell me ... your watch, please The one ... desire
I'll buy (I'll buy, I'll buy, I'll buy ...) You are...
I'm highest bidder! All (You are, You are, You are...)
Junk keeps arriving in the mail Don't wanna hear you say:
From that worldwide garage sale
Hey! A Dukes Of Hazzard ashtray Ain't nothin' but a heartache
Oh yeah ... I bought it on eBay Ain't nothin' but a mistake.
Wanna buy a Pac Man Fever lunchbox Nick(Don't wanna hear you say)
Wanna buy a case of vintage tube socks
Wanna buy a Kleenex used by Dr. Dre I never wanna hear you say:
Found them on eBay
. (Aww, yeah)
Wanna buy that Farrah Fawcett poster
Pez dispensers and a toaster
Don't know why ... the kind of stuff you'd throw away
I'll buy on eBay I want it that way ...
What I bought on eBay-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y Cuz I want it that way
Some girls like to buy new shoes I come home in the morning light
And others like drivin' trucks and wearing tattoos my mother says when you gonna live your life right
There's only one thing that they all like a bunch oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones
Oh, girls, they wanna have lunch and girls just want to have fun
Oh, girls, they just wanna have lunch oh girls just want to have fun
I know how to keep a woman satisfied the phone rings in the middle of the night
When I whip out my Diner's Card their eyes get so wide my father yells what you gonna do with your life
They're always in the mood for something to munch oh daddy dear you know you're still number one
Oh, girls, they wanna have lunch but girls they want to have fun
Oh, girls just wanna have oh girls just want to have
That's all they really want that's all they really want
Some lunch some fun
Don't ask 'em to dinner or breakfast or brunch when the working day is done
'Cause girls, they wanna have lunch girls-- they want to have fun
Oh, girls just wanna have lunch oh girls just want to have fun
She eats like she got a hole in her neck some boys take a beautiful girl
And I'm the one that always gets stuck with the check and hide her away from the rest of the world
Can't figure out how come they don't weigh a ton I want to be the one to walk in the sun
Oh, girls, they wanna have lunch oh girls they want to have fun
Oh, girls just wanna have oh girls just want to have
That's all they really want that's all they really want
Is some lunch some fun
Don't know for certain, but I've got a hunch when the working day is done
Those girls, they wanna have lunch girls--they want to have fun
Oh, girls just wanna have lunch oh girls just want to have fun
They just wanna They just wanna
They just wanna They just wanna
This song's just six words long
This song's just six words long
This song's just six words long
This song's just six words long
Couldn't think of any lyrics
No, I never wrote the lyrics
So I'll just sing any old lyrics
That come to mind, child
You really need words
Whole lotta rhyming words
You gotta rhyme so many words, mm...
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it
To do it, to do it right, child
This song's just six words long
This song's just six words long
This song's just six words long
This song's just six words long
I know that you're probably sore
'Cause I didn't write any more
I just didn't get to complete it
So that's why I gotta repeat it
This song's just six words long (six words long)
This song's just six words long (six words long)
Oh I make a lotta money
They pay me a ton of money
They're payin' me plenty of money
To sing this song, child
I gotta fill time
Three minutes worth of time
Oh, how will I fill so much time? Mm...
I'll throw in a solo, a solo, a solo
A solo, a solo here
This song's just six words long
This song's just six words long
This song's just six words long
This song's just six words long
This song's got nothing to say
But I'm recording it anyway
I know if I put my mind to it
I know I could find a good rhyme here
Oh, you gotta have-a music
You need really catchy music
This song has got plenty of music
But just six words, child
And so I'll sing 'em over
And over and over and over
And over and over and over, mm...
And over and over and over
And over and over and over again
Alimony : Mony Mony {Tommy James & The Shondells}
Here she come now, wants her alimony Here she come down, say "Mony, Mony"
Bleedin' me dry as a bony bony Well, shoot 'em down, turn around, come home, honey
Work at three jobs just to stay in debt now Hey!, she gimme love an' I feel alright now
Well first she took my nest egg, then she took the nest Everybody! You got me tossin' turnin' in the night, make me
I said yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah feel alright
. I say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
'Cause she took my house...my car yeah, yeah, yeah
My shoes...and my toothbrush too Well you make me feel Mony, Mony
Too bad...so sad So Mony, Mony
A-she got...got the gift of grab Good Mony, Mony
I'm in debt, debt, debt, debt, debt, debt Yeah! Mony, Mony
. So good! Mony, Mony
Lawyer's callin' me on the telephony Oh, yeah! Mony, Mony
Tryin'-a squeeze-a blood from a stony stony Come on! Mony, Mony
Ooh, I took her for better or for worse, yeah All right, baby! Mony, Mony
Then she took me for everything, yeah everything Say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
She could get, get, get, get, get yeah, yeah, yeah
. Break 'dis, shake 'dis, Mony, Mony
Well I'm out of cash...no dough Shot gun, get it done, come on, honey
I'm broke...it's no joke Don't stop cookin', it feels so good, yeah
The check's in the mail...get off Hey! Well don't stop now, hey, come on Mony, well come on
My back...cut me some slack I say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I said yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah
. Well you make me feel Mony, Mony
(Ooh, I want my almo-mo-mony) Oh you do? So Mony, Mony
(Ooh, I want my almo-mo-mony) Is it due? Good Mony, Mony
(Ooh, I want my almo-mo-mony) Or you'll sue? Yeah! Mony, Mony
(Ooh, I want my almo-mo-mony) So good! Mony, Mony
Alimony, mony, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah! Mony, Mony
. Come on! Mony, Mony
. All right, baby! Mony, Mony
. I say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
. yeah, yeah, yeah
. Oo, I love your Mony, moan, moan, Mony
. Oo, I love your Mony, moan, moan, Mony
. Oo, I love your Mony, moan, moan, Mony
. Oo, I love your Mony, moan, moan, Mony
. I say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
. yeah, yeah, yeah
. Come on! Mony, Mony
. Come on! Mony, Mony
. Come on! Mony, Mony
. Mony, Mony
. Mony, Mony
. Mony, Mony
. Mony, Mony
There's somethin' weird in the fridge today
I don't know what it is
Food I can't recognize
My roommate won't throw a thing away
I guess it's probably his
It looks like it's alive...
And livin' in the fridge...livin' in the fridge
Livin' in the fridge...livin' in the fridge
There's somethin' gross in the fridge today
It's green and growin' hair
It's been there since July
If you can name that object
In that baggie over there
Then mister, you're a better man than I
It's livin' in the fridge
You can't stop the mold from growin'
Livin' in the fridge
Can't tell what it is at all
Livin' in the fridge
You can't stop the mold from growin'
Livin' in the fridge
Tell me do you think it should be carbon-dated
Fumigated or cremated and buried at sea?
You try to save a little bit of your home cookin'
Couple weeks later, got a scary-lookin' specimen
It always happens, my friend
Again and again and again and again
Somethin' stinks in the fridge today
And it's been rottin' there all week
It could be liver cake or woolly mammoth steak
Well, maybe I should take another peek...
Livin' in the fridge
You can't stop the mold from growin'
Livin' in the fridge
Can't tell what it is at all
Livin' in the fridge
You can't stop the mold from growin'
Livin' in the fridge
Livin' in the fridge
Don't know what it is, don't know what it is
Livin' in the fridge
Don't know what it is, don't know what it is
Livin' in the fridge
Don't know what it is at all
Livin' in the fridge, yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah
Cavity Search : Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me {U2}
Listenin' to the Muzak You don't know how you took it
Hearin' people scream You just know what you got
Sittin' in the waiting room Oh Lordy you've been stealing
Readin' crappy magazines From the thieves and you got caught
With a toothache In the headlights
This is it, pal Of a stretch car
Root canal You're a star
My molars are impacted Dressing like your sister
I'm gettin' gum disease Living like a tart
I'm gonna need some fillings They don't know what you're doing
Got twelve cavities Babe, it must be art
Can you help me You're a headache
Have mercy In a suitcase
Doctor, please You're a star
My teeth are a fright Oh no, don't be shy
Got a huge overbite You don't have to go blind
Numb me, drill me Hold me, thrill me
Floss me, bill me Kiss me, kill me
You jab at my nerve endings You don't know how you got here
It's driving me insane You just know you want out
just give me nitrous oxide Believing in yourself
Shoot me up with novocaine Almost as much as you doubt
Help me out here You're a big smash
'Cause I'm in severe You wear it like a rash
Pain Star
Please stop for a bit Oh no, don't be shy
Now let me rinse and spit It takes a crowd to cry
Numb me, drill me Hold me, thrill me
Floss me, bill me Kiss me, kill me
You validate my parking They want you to be Jesus
I think that I'm okay They'll go down on one knee
But you make one more appointment for But they'll want their money back
A week from Saturday If you're alive at thirty-three
'Cause you came upon And you're turning tricks
A little problem on With your crucifix
My x-ray You're a star
Oy vey! (Oh child)
It's getting absurd Of course you're not shy
Well, I hope I'm insured, now You don't have to deny love
Numb me, drill me Hold me, thrill me
Floss me, bill me Kiss me, kill me
My whole family loves "Three's Company" They say misery loves company
See the reruns constantly there on my TV We could start a company and make misery
Syndicated Incorporated Frustrated, Incorporated
Well, I know what's on the tube Well I know just what you need
I know just what to see I might just have the thing
Got my TV Guide with me I know what you'd pay to see
"MASH" and "All in The Family" Put me out of my misery
"The Munsters" and "Mayberry R.F.D." I'd do it for you, would you do it for me
I will always be busy Watching my TV We will always be busy making misery
Oprah Winfrey talks to me every day at three We could build a factory and make misery
Then soon it'll be "Wheel" and "Jeopardy" We'll create the cure; we made the disease
Syndicated Incorporated Frustrated, Incorporated
Syndicated Incorporated Frustrated, Incorporated
Well, I'm in such ecstasy Well I know just what you need
When I'm watchin' TV I might just have the thing
I'm a boob tube devotee I know what you'd pay to feel
Think I'm losin' my sanity Put me out of my misery
I'm addicted to Regis & Kathie Lee All you suicide kings and you drama queens
Forever I will always be glued to my TV Forever after happily, making misery
Love "The Partridge Family" and "Dynasty" Did you satisfy your greed, get what you need
And "Laverne & Shirley" and "Hard Copy" Was it only envy, so empty
Syndicated Incorporated Frustrated, Incorporated
Syndicated Incorporated Frustrated, Incorporated
Syndicated Incorporated ("MASH" and "All In The Family") Frustrated, Incorporated (put me out of my misery)
Syndicated Incorporated (Addicted to Regis & Kathie Lee) Frustrated, Incorporated (I'd do it for you, would you do it for me)
Syndicated Incorporated (Forever I will always be) Frustrated, Incorporated (forever after happily)
Syndicated Incorporated (Watching my TV) Frustrated, Incorporated (making misery)
Syndicated Incorporated (Think I'm losing my sanity)
Syndicated Incorporated
The Brady Bunch : Safety Dance {Men Without Hats}
You can watch Mister Rogers We can dance if we want to
You can watch Three's Company We can leave your friends behind
And you can turn on Fame 'Cause your friends don't dance
Or the Newlywed Game And if they don't dance
Or the Addams Family Well they're no friends of mine
Say, you can watch Barney Miller Say, we can go where we want to
And you can watch your MTV A place where they will never find
And you can watch till your eyes fall out of your head And we can act like we come from out of this world
That'll be okay with me Leave the real one far behind
And you can watch (TV) And we can dance (and sing)
You can watch Johnny Carson We can dance if we want to
You can watch Phil Donahue We can leave your friends behind
And you can use TV Guide 'Cause your friends don't dance
To help you decide And if they don't dance
With a capsulized review Well they're no friends of mine
. I say, we can go where we want to
. A place where they will never find
. And we can act like we come from out of this world
. Leave the real one far behind
. And we can dance (and sing)
. Francois!
Say, you can watch Sixty Minutes Ah we can go when we want to
Even Captain Kangaroo The night is young and so am I
But there's only one set And we can dress real neat
So whatever you watch From our hats to our feet
Well you know I gotta watch it too And surprise 'em with the victory cry
. I say we can act if want to
. If we don't nobody will
. And you can act real rude and totally removed
. And I can act like an imbecile
A-say, give it up I say we can dance, we can dance everything out control
Give it up, give it up We can dance, we can dance we're doing it wall to wall
Television's takin' its toll We can dance, we can dance everybody look at your hands
That's enough We can dance, we can dance everybody takin' the chance
That's enough. Safety dance
Gimme the remote control Oh well the safety dance
. Ah yes the safety dance
I've been nice
I've been good Ssss-Aaaa-Ffff-Eeee-Tttt-Yyyy
Please don't do this to me Safety-Dance
Turn it off
Turn it off We can dance if we want to, we've got all your life and mine
I don't wanna have to see As long as we abuse it, never gonna lose it
The Brady Bunch Everything'll work out right
Not the Brady Bunch I say, we can dance if we want to we can leave your friends behind
Well, the Brady Bunch Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Yeah, the Brady Bunch Well they're no friends of mine
. I say we can dance, we can dance everything out control
It's the story of a lovely lady We can dance, we can dance we're doing it wall to wall
Who was bringing up three very lovely girls We can dance, we can dance everybody look at your hands
All of them had hair of gold We can dance, we can dance everybody's takin' the chance
Like their mother Oh Well the safety dance
The youngest one in curls ah yes the safety dance
. Oh well the safety dance
It's the story of a man named Brady Oh well the safety dance
Who was busy with three boys of his own Oh yes the safety dance
They were four men living all together Oh the safety dance yeah
A-yeah, but they were all alone Oh it's the safety dance
. It's the safety dance
Till then one day Well it's the safety dance
A-one day Oh it's the safety dance
When the lady met this fellow Oh it's the safety dance
And they knew Oh it's the safety dance
And they knew
It was much more than a hunch
That the group
A-this group
Must somehow form a family
That's the way
That's the way
That's the way they all became the Brady Bunch
Well, the Brady Bunch
Yeah, the Brady Bunch
Well, the Brady Bunch
Oh, it's the Brady Bu-unch...
Fat and weak, what a disgrace Risin' up, back on the street
Guess the champ got too lazy Did my time, took my chances
Ain't gonna fly now, he's just takin' up space Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet
Sold his gloves, threw his eggs down the drain Just a man and his will to survive
But he's no bum, he works down the street So many times, it happens too fast
He bought the neighborhood deli You change your passion for glory
Back on his feet, now he's choppin' up meat Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
Come inside, maybe you'll hear him say You must fight just to keep them alive
Try the rye or the kaiser It's the eye of the tiger
They're on special tonight It's the cream of the fight
If you want, you can have an appetizer Risin' up to the challenge of our rival
You might like our salami, and the liver's all right And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
And they'd really go well with the rye And he's watchin' us all in the eye
Or the kaiser Of the tiger
Never eats while on the job Face to face, out in the heat
He heard it's good to stay hungry Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry
But he makes a pretty mean shish kabob They stack the odds 'til we take to the street
Have a taste, they were made fresh today For we kill with the skill to survive
Try the rye or the kaiser It's the eye of the tiger
Or the wheat or the white It's the cream of the fight
Maybe I can suggest an appetizer Risin' up to the challenge of our rival
Stay away from the tuna, it smells funny tonight And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
But you just can't go wrong with the rye And he's watchin' us all in the eye
Or the kaiser Of the tiger
So today, his deli comes first Risin' up, straight to the top
Still he dreams of his past days of glory Have the guts, got the glory
Goes in the back and beats up on the liverwurst Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop
All the while you can still hear him say Just a man and his will to survive
It's the rye or the kaiser It's the eye of the tiger
It's the thrill of one bite It's the cream of the fight
Let me please be your catering advisor Risin' up to the challenge of our rival
If you want substitutions, I won't put up a fight And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
You can have your roast beef on the rye And he's watchin' us all in the eye
Or the kaiser Of the tiger
The rye or the kaiser The eye of the tiger
The rye or the kaiser The eye of the tiger
The rye or the kaiser The eye of the tiger
I can't watch this. I can't watch this
I can't watch this. I can't watch this
My my my my TV makes me so bored
Makes me say oh my Lord
What is this garbage here?
Wanna cover my eyes and plug my ears
It sucks, and that's no lie
It's about as much fun as watching paint dry
Lowers my IQ one notch
And that's the reason why, uh, I can't watch
I told you homeboy...I can't watch this
Yeah, nothin' but trash and you know
I can't watch this
Poke out my eyes, man...I can't watch this
Yo, gimme that remote control...I can't watch this
Talkin' bout sick shows
There's America's Funniest Home Videos
I can't believe my eyes
When I see the kind of stuff that wins first prize
Somebody's poor old mom
Falls down off the roof, lands right on the lawn
Face first on a rake
I hear they got it on the seventeenth take
That's funny as a kick in the crotch
And that kinda show, uh, I can't watch
Yo, I told you...I can't watch this
Change the channel now, man...I can't watch this
Yo, pass the TV Guide over here, sucker...I can't watch this
Cosby show and Roseanne
Think I've taken 'bout as much as I can
Judge Wopner, oh my
You gotta be Rainman to like this guy
Thirtysomething's all right
If you like hearing yuppies whining all night
Can't stand Twin Peaks
Wish they'd lynch those donut-eatin' freaks
Those Siskel and Ebert bums
Oughtta go home and just sit on their thumbs
That's word because you now...I can't watch this
I can't watch this
Break it down!
Here's how to order-money back guarantee-
Removes tough stains fast-it tastes more like fresh peanuts-
They keep going and going-don't hate me because I'm beautiful-
Could be dandruff-our prices are insaaaane!!!
Stop! Prime time!
I'm pretty sure I'll be sick
If I have to watch another stupid pet trick
Or that guy with the real flat hair
That goes "woof woof woof" and waves
His fist in the air
Or those weird talk shows
About transsexual Nazi Eskimos
They're rude, and crude and vile
Just for a minute let's flip down the dial
Flip, flip, flip...yecch, I can't watch this
Look, man, I can't watch this
I can't take this torture no more, I can't
I can't watch this
Pay the bills, station break
Break it down!
Operators are standing by-cubic zirconium necklace-
You're soaking in it-and our fabulous swimsuit issue-
When you've got a headache this big-read the book-
this is your brain on drugs-I've fallen and I can't get up!!!
Stop! Cable time!
HBO and Playboy, Showtime and MTV
I might like them more after my lobotomy
Now why did I ever pay for this junk?
I hooked up eighty channels, and each one stunk
Just brainless blood and guts, and mindless T & A
It's awful, it's putrid, it's crummy, it's stupid, gonna
Throw my set away
I can't watch this, I can't watch this
I can't watch this, yeah...I can't watch this
I told you...can't watch this
Too hip, can't watch this
Get me outta here...can't watch this
Stop Draggin' My Car Around : Stop Draggin' My Heart Around {Stevie Nicks with Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers}
Had to park my car for just five minutes Baby you come knocking on my front door
I had to go inside to use the phone Same old line you used to use before
When I came back again, my car was gone Just a girl well what am I supposed to do
Well, I didn't know it was a loading zone I didn't know what I was getting into
What a bummer, I as so brought down So you had a little trouble in town
I had to chase that tow truck a over town, yellin' Now you're keeping some demon down
Stop draggin' my Stop dragging my
Stop draggin' my Stop dragging my
Stop draggin' my car around Stop dragging my heart around
Took my baby to the local disco It's hard to think about what you wanted
I was jumpin' like a maniac It's hard to think about what you lost
But the owner came and pulled me off the floor These doors don't have to be the big "get even"
Then he took me to his little office in the back These doors don't have to be anything at all
He said, "I really like your snaggletooth necklace I know you really want to tell me goodbye
Your pants are groovy, and your hair's okay I know you really want to be your own girl
But, man, that car of yours is so uncool Baby you could never look me in the eye
Like wow, I'm sorry, but we towed it away!" Yeah you buckle with the weight of the world
Stop draggin' my Stop dragging my
Stop draggin' my Stop dragging my
Stop draggin' my car around Stop dragging my heart around
Now I'm at home. I'm watchin' "Gilligan's Island" There's people running 'round loose in the world
Guess it's time to trade my old car in Ain't got nothing better to do
For twenty dollars and my '64 Plymouth Make a meal of some bright eyed kid
Maybe I could get a second-hand Schwinn You need someone looking after you
Look out the window, there's a tow truck in the driveway I know you really want to tell me goodbye
I grabbed the driver and I asked him why I know you really want to be your own girl
He said, "I'm sorry, kid, you're late with the payments Baby you could never look me in the eye
It's time to kiss your little car goodbye" Yeah you buckle with the weight of the world
Stop draggin' my Stop dragging my
Stop draggin' my Stop dragging my
Stop draggin' my car around Stop dragging my heart around
Listen, the check's in the mail. No, really!
Stop draggin' my car around! Stop dragging my heart around
Oh man, I just had the hub caps painted! Stop dragging my heart around
Stop draggin' my car around! Stop dragging my heart around
Hey! Hey, I left a sandwich in the back seat! Stop dragging my heart around
The White Stuff : You Got It (The Right Stuff) {New Kids On The Block}
The white stuff The right stuff
The white stuff The right stuff
The first one was a sweet one First time was a great time
Second one was a blast Second time was a blast
Soon I finished off the bag Third time I fell in love
Ate 'em up real fast Now I hope it lasts
You can see 'em in my teeth I can see it in your walk
Tell it when I talk Tell 'em when you talk
Had so many my pancreas See it in everything you do
Just went into shock Even in your thoughts
I love the white stuff baby You got the right stuff, baby
In the middle of an Oreo Love the way you turn me on
I love the white stuff baby You got the right stuff, baby
It's the most delicious thing I know You're the reason why I sing this song
I've had a zillion or two All that I needed was you
In my life, they're so right Oh girl, you're so right
My teeth are all rotted clear thruough Said all that I wanted was you
But who cares? Whaat else am I supposed to do? You made all my dreams come true
[chorus 2]
Oh oh oh oh oh, oh Oreo Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh oh oh oh oh, the white stuff Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the right stuff
Oh oh oh oh oh, oh Oreo Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
What's in the middle? The white stuff Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the right stuff
The first time that I tried it Your first kiss was a sweet kiss
Got a big sugar buzz Second kiss had a twist
Nothing gets me high as that sandwich cookie does Third and your fourth kiss, I don't want to miss
But I love the filling most I can see it in your walk
I rub it on my roast Tell 'em when you talk
Mix it in with my coffee See it in everything you do
And spread it on my toast Even in your thoughts
[chorus]
Might get a pimple or two All that I needed was you
Well, so what? It's all right Oh girl, you're so right
Now Twinkies and Ding Dongs won't do Said all that I wanted was you
All I need...You know what it is You made all.... every one of my dreams come true
[chorus 2]
Addicted to Spuds : Addicted to Love {Robert Palmer}
Potato skins, potato cakes Your lights are on, but you're not home
Hash browns and instant flakes Your mind is not your own
Baked or boiled or french fried Your heart sweats, your body shakes
There's no kind you haven't tried Another kiss is what it takes
You planned a trip to Idaho You can't sleep, you can't eat
Just to watch potatoes grow There's no doubt, you're in deep
I understand how you must feel Your throat is tight, you can't breathe
I can't deny they've got a peel Another kiss is all you need
Wo, you like 'em whether they're plain Whoa, you like to think that you're immune
Or they're stuffed, oh yeah to the stuff, oh yeah
Better face the facts It's closer to the truth to say
It seems you can't get enough You can't get enough, you know
You know, you're gonna have to face it You're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to spuds You're addicted to love
Your greasy hands, your salty lips You see the signs, but you can't read
Looks like you found the chips You're runnin' at a different speed
Your belly aches, your teeth grind Your heart beats in double time
Some tater tots would blow your mind Another kiss and you'll be mine, a one track mind
And you don't mind if they're not cooked You can't be saved
You need your fix, I guess you're hooked Oblivion is all you crave
And late at night you always dream If there's some left for you
Of bacon bits and sour cream You don't mind if you do
Wo, you like 'em even if they're lumpy or tough, oh yeah
It's pretty obvious to me you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
I'm giving up, it's just no use
Another case of spud abuse
What can I say, what can I do
Potato bug has got me, too
Wo, I used to hate 'em, now they're all that I eat, oh yeah
I've often seen 'em whipped, but they just can't be beat
Now I'm gonna have to face it, I'm addicted to spuds
Poor Peter Parker was pitiful It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
Couldn't have been any shyer The Regular crowd shuffles in
Mary Jane still wouldn't notice him There's an old man sitting next to me
Even if his hair was on fire Makin' love to his tonic and gin
But then one day he went to that science lab He says, "Son, can you play me a memory
That mutated spider came down I'm not really sure how it goes
Oh, and now Peter crawls over everyone's walls But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete
And he's swingin' all over town When I wore a younger man's clothes"
La li la, li de da La la la, de de da
La la, li le la da dum La la, de de da da dum
[chorus] [chorus]
Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sling us a web tonight Sing us a song tonight
'Cause we're all in the mood for a hero now Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And there's evildoers to fight And you've got us feelin' alright
Now Harry the rich kid's a friend of his Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
Who horns in on Mary Jane He gets me my drinks for free
But to his great surprise it seems she prefers guys And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
Who can kiss upside down in the rain But there's someplace that he'd rather be
"With great power comes great responsibility" He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me."
That's the catch phrase of old Uncle Ben As the smile ran away from his face
If you missed it, don't worry, they'll say the line "Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star
Again and again and again If I could get out of this place"
Oh, la la la, di de da Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, di di da da dom La la, de de da da dum
Now Norman's a billionare scientist Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for his son Who never had time for a wife
But then something went screwy and before you knew he And he's talkin' with Davy, who's still in the navy
Was trying to kill everyone And probably will be for life
And he's ridin' around on that glider thing And the waitress is practicing politics
And he's throwin' that weird pumpkin bomb As the businessmen slowly get stoned
Yes, he's wearin' that dumb Power Rangers mask Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But he's scarier without it on But it's better than drinkin' alone
Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sling us a web tonight Sing us a song tonight
'Cause you're brave and you're strong and so limber now Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
But where'd you come up with those tights? And you've got us feelin' alright
It's a pretty sad day at the funeral It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
Norman Osborn has bitten the dust And the manager gives me a smile
And I heard Harry's said he wants Spider-Man dead 'Cause he knows that it's me they've been comin' to see
Aw, but his buddy Pete he can trust To forget about life for a while
Oh, and M.J. is all hot for Peter now And the piano, it sounds like a carnival
Aw, but Peter, he just shuts her down And the microphone smells like a beer
Mary Jane, don't you cry, you can give it a try And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
Again when the sequel comes 'round And say, "Man, what are you doin' here."
Oh, la la la, di de da Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, di di da da dom La la, de de da da dum
Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sling us a web tonight Sing us a song tonight
'Cause we all sure could use us a hero now Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And we think that you'll do all right And you've got us feelin' alright
She Drives Like Crazy : She Drives Me Crazy {Fine Young Cannibals}
Where'd you learn how to steer? I can't stop the way I feel
You do eighty in second gear Things you do don't seem real
When you drive, I can't relax Tell you what I got in mind
Got your license from Cracker Jacks 'cause we're runnin' out of time
You just hit another tree Won't you ever set me free?
These fender benders are killin' me This waitin' 'round's killin' me
She drives like crazy She drives me crazy
Like no one else Like no one else
She drives like crazy She drives me crazy
And I'm afraid for myself And I can't help myself
They'll put you behind bars I can't get any rest
We're not playin' bumper cars People say I'm obsessed
Did a great figure eight Everything that's serious lasts
In the middle of the Interstate But to me there's no surprise
Tires squeal wherever we go What I have, I knew was true
Even hitchhikers just say no Things go wrong, they always do
She drives like crazy [chorus]
Her car's a mess
She drives like crazy
She's got a death wish, I guess
She's a demon behind the wheel I won't make it on my own
Thinks she's drivin' the Batmobile No one likes to be alone
Burnin' rubber in school zones
Runnin' over traffic cones
Passin' semis on the right
Now my knuckles are turnin' white
She drives like crazy [chorus]
She'll break our necks
She drives like crazy
She always gets into wrecks
She drives like crazy [chorus]
Like no one else
She drives like crazy
Now I'm afraid for myself
Spam : Stand {R.E.M.}
Spam in the place where I live. (ham and pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now. (oh boy)
Spam in my lunchbox at work. (it's the best)
Really makes a darn good sandwich, any way you slice it at all.
If you're running low, go to the store
Carry some money to help you buy more
The tab is there to open the can
The can is there to hold in the spam
Oh, spam on the table at home. (ham and pork)
Think about selection, are there different flavors now. (let's eat)
Spam in my office at work. (it's the best)
Think about the stuff it's made from, wonder if it's mystery meat.
If you need a spoon, keep one around
Carry a thermos to help wash it down
Now if there's some left, don't just throw it out
Use it for spackle or bathroom grout, now
Spam in my pantry at home. (have some more)
Think of expiration, better read the label now. (oh boy)
Spam breakfast, dinner or lunch. (it's the best)
Think about how it's been pre-cooked, wonder if I'll just eat it cold.
Now once you start in, you can't put it down
Don't leave it sitting or it'll turn brown
The key is going to open the tin
The tin is there to keep the spam in
Oh spam, spam. (ham and pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now. (oh boy)
Spam, spam. (it's the best)
Really makes a darn good sandwich any way you slice it
Spam in the place where I live. (have some more)
Think about addiction, wonder if I'm a junkie now. (let's eat)
Spam in the place where I work. (you're obsessed)
Think about the way it's processed, wonder if it's some kind of meat
Spam in the back of my car. (ham and pork)
The tab is there to open the can. (spam any place that you are)
The can is there to open the spam. (spam any place that you are)
Oh spam.
Grapefruit Diet : Zoot Suit Riot {Cherry Poppin' Daddies}
Who's that waddlin' down the street Who's that whisperin' in the trees
It's just me 'cause I love to eat It's two sailors and they're on leave
Fudge and Twinkies and deviled ham Pipes and chains and swingin' hands
Who's real flabby? Yes, I am! Who's your daddy? Yes I am
Every picture of me's Fat cat came to play
Gotta be an aerial view Now he can't run fast enough
Now my doctor tells me You had best stay away
There's just one thing left to do When the pushers come to shove
Grapefruit Diet Zoot Suit Riot
Throw out the pizza and beer Throw back a bottle of beer
Grapefruit Diet Zoot Suit Riot
Oh, get those jelly donuts out of here Pull a comb through your coal black hair
Grapefruit Diet
Might seem a little severe
Grapefruit Diet
I'm gettin' tired of my big fat rear
Blow, fatty!
Well, I used to live on chocolate sauce A whipped up jitterbuggin' brown eyed man
Made sumo wrestlers look like Kate Moss A stray cat frontin' up an eight-piece band
Walked down an alley and I got stuck Cut me Sammy and you'll understand
I got more rolls than a pastry truck In my veins hot music ran
When I'm all done eating You got me in a sway
I eat a little more And I want to swing with you dove
When I leave a room Now you sailors know
First I gotta grease the door Where your women come for love
Grapefruit Diet
Can't have another eclair
Grapefruit Diet
I gotta decrease my derriere
I'm on a Grapefruit Diet
I'm on a Grapefruit Diet
I'm on a Grapefruit Diet
No more pie now
No more creme brulee
Lay off the gravy
And souffle
No french fri-yi-yies now
No ice cream parfait
Mr. Cheese Nacho
Stay away
Oh I think I'd sell my soul
For a triple patty melt
But I need a boomerang
When I put on my belt
Grapefruit Diet
Lay off the 3 Musketeers
Grapefruit Diet
Until my big booty disappears
Grapefruit Diet
Eat 'em till they're comin' out of my ears
Grapefruit Diet
'Cause I haven't seen my feet in years
I'm on a Grapefruit Diet
I'm on a Grapefruit Diet
I'm on a Grapefruit Diet
I think I'm about ready for a Quarter Pounder with extra cheese
I need a side order of onion rings
And don't forget to Super-Size that
When I said I'd be faithful
When I promised I'd be true
When I swore that I could never
Be with anyone but you
When I told you that I loved you
With those tender words I spoke
I was only kidding
Now, can't you take a joke?
When I said that I need you, baby
When I told you I really care
When I said that I can't live without you
When I said I'd follow you anywhere
When I said you could always trust me
When I said I'd never leave you flat
Well, guess what? I was only kidding, baby
I can't belieeeeeve you fell for that!
You're so gullible...
[chorus]
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
I was only kidding
Now I'm sorry if you misunderstood, but the fact remains
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding
Well I guess I got you pretty good, now listen
When I said that I love you baby
From the very bottom of my heart
When I said that I miss you so badly
Every second that we're apart
When I swore that you're just getting
More and more beautiful every day
Well, I was only kidding, honey
What's the matter with you anyway?
Let me tell you something
[chorus 2]
Well I guess it probably hurts you a bit
But you gotta know
I really love you...NOT!
When I said you oughta marry me
When I said that we should settle down
Well, I was pullin' your leg there, honey
I was just foolin' around
You see, I-I never meant to upset you, darlin'
I never meant to hurt anyone
I was only kidding, baby
Why don't you just put down that gun?
Let's talk this over
[chorus 2]
Watch where you're pointing that thing!
Hey, I'm sorry if your heart is broke
You gotta realize
[chorus]