Zen-Master Greg: Bow down before the one you serve.
Customer: Um, excuse me?
Zen-Master Greg: You're going to get what you deserve.
Customer: Ah, hello?
Zen-Master Greg: Greetings child. Let me turn down the mantras. Now, what is your request?
Customer: I have a problem.
Zen-Master Greg: This is so. But what do _you_ believe your problem is?
Customer: Well what do you think it is?
Zen-Master Greg: You are not ready for the knowledge.
Customer: Oh. Okay. My disk is stuck.
Zen-Master Greg: And?
Customer: What do you mean, "and".
Zen-Master Greg: I seek the completed statement. I wonder what the disk has to do with me.
Customer: I want you to fix it.
Zen-Master Greg: Truly has it been said that one can't always get what one wants. For lo, I have been perusing my job description and stuck disks are in no way mentioned.
Customer: When's Pete going to be around?
Zen-Master Greg: But there is no need to trouble the great sage at this time, for lo, I feel moved to help you. Let us seek the cause of this sticking.
Customer: See, it's stuck.
Zen-Master Greg: "Stuck" is but a transient condition, having no meaning for those in timeless existence. Yet I will fetch the official disk extraction tool.
Customer: That's a paperclip.
Zen-Master Greg: Ah, you are right. I will fetch the tool.
Customer: Hey, that's still a paperclip.
Zen-Master Greg: Truly you know all.
Customer: Where are you going?
Zen-Master Greg: Every time I enter with the disk extraction tool, you are moved to remark that it is a paperclip, and I look down and it has become so. It is truly confusing. I go to listen to the mantras. Especially the one entitled "Head Like A Hole".
Customer: Are you trying to be funny?
Zen-Master Greg: What is there to laugh at?
Customer: Well, all right. But what about my disk.
Zen-Master Greg: I shall take the disk extraction tool...
Customer: But that's a... oh.
Zen-Master Greg: and I shall extract the disk.
Customer: Nothing is happening.
Zen-Master Greg: Your wisdom is like vision from the corner of the eye. It seems to exist, but disappears when examined.
Customer: So what are we going to do?
Zen-Master Greg: The situation calls for extreme philosophical measures.
(5 minutes pass)
Zen-Master Greg: Head like a hole, black as your soul, I'd rather die than give you control!
Customer: What the hell are you doing? You're supposed to be helping me!
Zen-Master Greg: Have I not resorted to philosophy to do so?
Customer: What are you talking about?
Zen-Master Greg: Is the disk stuck in the drive?
Zen-Master Greg: If the tree falls in the forest, and no one is in the area, does it make a sound?
Zen-Master Greg: I shall ask again. If the tree falls in the forest, and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?
Customer: Um. No?
(The master reaches into his robe, thinks for a moment, then reluctantly withdraws his hand)
Zen-Master Greg: If the tree falls in the forest, and no one hears it, then does it make a sound?
Customer: I DON'T KNOW!
Zen-Master Greg: Correct on all counts. Without knowledge, the state of affairs is indeterminate.
Customer: And like this has anything to do with my disk.
Zen-Master Greg: Can you see the disk?
Customer: No, it's in the other room.
Zen-Master Greg: How do you know? It may not be. I may have it in my hand.
Customer: Hey, that's a neat trick. Give it to me.
Zen-Master Greg: I don't actually have it, but while it is unobserved, I might have. While it is not seen being stuck, it is not. And since the disk is not stuck, there is no problem.
Customer: But I still don't have it.
Zen-Master Greg: Then the original question was faulty. And I have laboured enough this day. Yet hark! Here comes the sage. Mayhap he will soil his hands to help you.
Sage: There is a problem?
Sage: I know all. Let us examine this problem.
(5 minutes pass)
Sage: I shall require a disk extraction tool.
(5 minutes pass)
Sage: Truly a vexing problem. I shall require my toolkit.
(10 minutes pass)
Sage: Truly a DEU problem. I shall require some mantras and a punching bag.
(5 minutes pass)
Sage: Here is your disk.
Customer: Thank you, O sage!
Zen-Master Greg: May I enquire as to the nature of the illusory problem, O sage?
Sage: Yes my child. The problem was in the nature of the inserted disk. It seems that the unlearned one had covered the high-density notch of the disk.
Zen-Master Greg: And the nature of this substance, which had presumably become attached to the inside of the drive.
Sage: Duct tape, my child.
Zen-Master Greg: DUCT TAPE! THAT LUSER COVERED A DISK IN DUCT... I mean, the unlearned one was so foolish as to tamper with substances beyond his power?
Sage: Yes my child.
Zen-Master Greg: What an idiot.
Sage: Truly it is so.
Customer: Well I'm going now. And I'm going to make a complaint. You haven't been at all pleasant and you've deliberately set out to embarass me.
Zen-Master Greg: May I borrow the punching bag, O sage?
Sage: It appears to have become broken, my child. I fear we shall have to get more from storage.
Zen-Master Greg: It is well that we get them in bulk.
Sage: Truly, my child. Turn up the mantras.