So I'm teamed up with the 500 partner from hell who's Durettes manifests itself in the phrase "Misere". That is, he calls it out almost every second round under the impression that he has a chance in hell of making it.
And it *PISSES* *ME* *OFF*!
So we're at 420 .vs. 420 - a neck and neck race with winner taking all for the game.
And wouldn't you know it, my partner has table-talked that he has THE best Misere hand ever, which, judging by his past performances and the cards in MY hand means only half his cards are pictures.
I shake my head imperceptably, then what the fuck, I just say No" out loud.
To no avail
"Misere!" he calls
Opposition comes back quickly with "8 No Trumps" - they're not going to be beaten at this stage
"Open Misere" my partner calls, removing all doubt that he is in fact a complete cumquat.
"10 No Trumps!" the opposition calls, topping out the bidding high score
So we're fucked. Unless we can bring them down. And considering *I* probably have the best Misere hand of the night and my partner's an orange-like fruit, seems about as likely as OJ getting a job at a nursing home for people who resemble his ex-wife
"Double Secret Misere!" my partner calls
?
I share a confused glance with the opposition non-bidding player who, like me, isn't into pointless passtimes...
"What the fuck's double secret Misere?" Opposition Bidder asks
"Same as Open Misere, except it's worth 750 points and I have to play my cards in reverse order, highest first"
I believe this to be a previously unheard-of wrinkle to 500.
"Oh" the opposition bidder calls "in that case Double Secret *BLIND* Misere"
"Huh?"
"Same as Double Secret Misere, but I do it with my eyes closed. Worth 1000"
"Double Secret Blind Misere, LEFT HANDED!"
The bidding is completely out of hand now, so I decide to deal myself in.
"Well, if we're at Double Secret Blind Misere, Left Handed, I believe that I am allowed to re-enter the bidding"
"Allright, what is it then?"
"Double Secret Blind Misere, Left Handed, One foot in the toaster, Pants Down, Picking my Nose and eating it (Right Handed of Course), Calling the Hospital for Sex-Reassignment Surgery"
The two bidding parties look at their cards.
They look at me.
They both pass.
I play the joker first...