There's an hour to go at work, only it's like an hour "HOUR-OUR-OUR-OUR", you know, echoing in your ears like when one of those actors in a B-Grade movie remembers something that helps them solve the plot - like "I'm Left Handed.." "left handed LEFT HANDED LEFT HANDED LEFT HANDED!", and then the hero knows who committed the crime.

Then gets hit by a rubbish truck because he couldn't hear the horn tooting for him to get out of the way.

So I'm at the "HOUR HOUR HOUR" mark.

58 minutes.

Only it's not really 58 minutes, it's 63 minutes because my watch is five minutes fast so that I get places on time. Only it never works, cos I always know I've got five spare minutes to play around in. So then I set my watch back to normal time, but sometimes I'll forget, and I'll get places five minutes late - when the bus has gone, the cartoons have finished or the nympho has left with someone else again.

I pass the time by playing with the focus on the student terminals so that they think they're going blind. Then I put up some "Cateract Warning" posters that I made to make people worry about their screens.

And then someone rings me. And every now and then, you get these bastards who ring you, and you just want them to hang up because the phone call's long passed it's use-by date. Only they can't think of a way to hang up. "Ok" I say "Ok" They say "Right." I say "Right" They say.

Around about this point there's nothing left to say and yet the bastard's STILL on the phone. I *really* hate this. And what *hate* even more, is when they repeat everything you say, like they're *living* one of those "Reflective Listening" courses that Managers and People who deal with the public go on and forget about 2 minutes after the course is finished.

"I'll do that for you" I say

"You'll do that then?" They say, (reflect reflect).

"Yes"

"Yes"

"Ok"

"Ok!"

And I've got this overpowering urge to just scream "FUCK OFF" over the phone, only they'll just say "Oh. So you want me to fuck off?"

Shit I *hate* that.

"FUCK OFF!" I scream in the receiver

"So you want.."

I hang up.

There's only one other thing that I hate more than that, and that's people who "feel".

You know the ones I mean.

The bastards that've been to the "Non-Confrontation" type courses, where you get taught to say "I feel" instead of "I think"

Because "I think" is too forceful. "I feel" is less threatening.

A load of crap in other words.

It's the stuff you get told at a SNAG course. You know, the Sensitive New Age Guy course, where wimps congregate in the hopes that this'll help them pull "chicks". Only it won't.

They'll sit around in their cardigans, in little circles - knitting (because they don't want to reinforce a sexual stereotype - that and the fact that they enjoy it. (And their sex-change application was refused)

And they say to each other in friendly tones. "I don't feel that Women (and they pronounce Women properly, they've taken the time to learn it - to practice and perfect it, capital W and everything) should be taken for granted."

And they *are* friendly tones. Some would say effeminant tones, but I don't "feel" women deserve that lumped on their shoulders as well.

And so they all sit around congratulating themselves about not being very threatening this week, and discussing the horrors of PMT.

"Oh, and I wear a PMT sympathy bag that electrocutes my testicles every five seconds or so, so I KNOW what it's like to be a woman"

"Do you? Well, I wear a pregnancy bag so I know what it's like to be a pregnant woman"

And they discuss, other, threatening males and point out their flaws.

"Well, you see, he came straight up to her, in a bar right, and asked her if she wanted to dance"

"HE DIDN'T?!!"

"He DID! And then he asked her if she wanted a drink!"

"REALLY!?!"

"He did!"

"THE SEXIST BASTARD!"

Shoot the lot of them.