Anyway, archie lists about 3 sites, all of which I've known about for months, and of course, the one in cs.rice.edu put there so that someone more unstable than me can have something to tell his friends about in long, tedious conversations in taverns late at night
"Guess what I did guys?"
"Yeah, Yeah, you told us about it every week since February, you put
blank files in blah blah blah"
Anyway, there's the usual collection of 100+ requests from "stable" members of the internet community, including "anyOne-got_gLoriA-anD-ChAINSAW", "French- Poodles-and-gUys-and-powerTools", "PlEase_MoRe-Eletric-TooTHBrsh" and one from a guy who wants stuff for himself, but pretends to have a perverted wife instead, the sick bastard! So anyway, I add mine to the list of gif-requests, "Plz-pst-fuRnItuRe-DOIng-IT!!" and "AnYone-Got-DaniEl-BooN-MakinG-HIS-Hat" and think about how slack it is now that alt.sex.pictures.with.furniture has been axed because the gif posting rate was too high for the feed sites.
It was a shame too, because I only got 6 parts of the 7 part gif about the French Dresser, and the missing bit was the one with all the knobs in it!
I decide to give archie a miss, it's just not the same now, I'm never up-to-date with the speed that sites move about and all that's left is posting an inane message to alt.binaries.pictures.erotica saying "anyone know of any ftp sites for this sort of stuff", but sign it with my mother's name for originality. Then all I'd need to do is wade through the thousands of messages saying things about what a puke I was wasting bandwidth on a.b.p.e by posting a one line message instead of a 1000 line picture. I'm such an idiot!
So anyway, I look in a.b.p.e and it's full of the usual, the hetero-homo name calling war; but STILL no furniture! But the hetero-homo war is good, because it's being fought by about 3 email troops on either side, the main ammunition being about how one or the other should be shot or castrated and how these pictures are ok but those are definitely out - BACKED UP by a couple of liberals who are obviously soc-sci majors and want to get that thesis entitled "How I tamed internet and whacked off to seven 24 bit pictures a day"
It really makes me sick, and I'm wondering how things ever got this bad, and how I have fallen, and how voyuerism just isn't what it used to be, and WHY WON'T ANYONE POST ANY FURNITURE?!
Then one of the programmers calls me up and says that he's had complaints about me posting crap to newsgroups and can I stick to the topic in future. I need a little clarification here and what he really means..
"We want scanned photos of your family in compromising positions with house- hold appliances." he says.
I think he means it, and, as luck would have it, I happen to have a photo of my sister trying to operate the garbage disposal unit after I sent Mum on that long goodbye - apparently one of the stilleto heels was a real stilletto, and jammed it. I ask if this is ok, but he says no, he wants skinflicks.
So I look in alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.youre.pretty.sick.if.you.want.this to see what the accepted posting practise is, but that's just a flame war about jpg being lossy and slow to decode and where did the picture of the cat on the kero heater go?
I figure "Stuff it, I'll go downtown"