Installation instructions for the 48666(TM) chip.
(TM - Eternal Damnation Enterprises)
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1. Open your computer out of direct sunlight behind closed curtains.
2. Using the static strap supplied, remove the 80486 chip from it's socket
on your motherboard and place it in the static-proof envelope. Not
that you'll ever use it again of course.
3. Remove the strap and take out the 48666 chip. Don't worry about
static, nothing in *this* Universe can harm it.
4. Wait for the ring of wailing and gnashing of teeth to subside.
By this time the smell of burning flesh and blood should have gone
and your vision should no longer be tainted with red.
5. Place the 48666 chip in your socket, making sure to put it label side
down and index mark away from index point.
6. Wait for the screaming of eternal damnation to subside
7. Withdraw the power cords from the back of your machine and monitor.
You won't be needing those anymore.
8. Remove any sound cards (Adlib/Soundblaster etc) and disconnect the
internal speaker. There are some things you just don't want to
hear. If the computer wants your attention, believe me, it'll
get it.
9. Disconnect any heat or smoke detectors in the immediate vicinity as these
have has a tendency to trigger these for some reason. This is a known
bug and nothing to worry about.
POWERING ON
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10. To power on the machine, simply reach for the power button as if to
switch the machine on.
WARNING: Don't attempt to switch the machine off unless it has
told you to do so
WARNING2: Don't ever touch the control key. Best not to even
give the illusion that you have any control. Better
still, pry the keycap off or prefix "Control" with
"No". (Make sure the words NO *never* get worn off)
11. The startup tests should run in the following order:
Evil 1 thru 64
Pure Evil 1 thru 64
Pure Concentrated Evil 1 thru
12. You will notice that the brightness and contrast controls no longer
work on your monitor. Disconnecting your screen won't help either
13. Sooner or later you will realise that you can put as many floppies in
the drive as you like, but none will come out. Ever.
14. Ever
15. To use Intuitive FTP(tm), simply consider the disgusting images you
would like to view. You will be logged in via anonymous FTP to the
ftp site that currently has what you require.
16. It's probably not a good idea to allow other people use your PC.
Discourage them by hacking off their limbs with the rusty axe
supplied.
17. Speaking of rusty axes, do not enter games like Adventure and Dungeon.
Consequences of doing this are indeterminant.
Does anyone have a use for Axe-Weilding Trolls and knive throwing
dwarves?
Thank you for purchaing the 48666 chip - it should provide you a lifetimes
(hah!) service...
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Notes:
The 48666 chip is copyrighted, trademarked and otherwise protected.
Remember, we might not catch up with you in this world, but in the
next... Oh Boy!
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spt@waikato.ac.nz