A Bloke's Clothes

Contrary to popular rumour, a Real Bloke has truckloads of clothes. Of course he only wears a couple of articles generally, but he does have some for special occasions. Special Occasion Clothes include:

• A Black Tie - for sad and upsetting events, such as funerals, All Black losses, Weddings.
  
• 10 Jerseys - All knitted by Mum. One a year for the past 10 years. And a Bloke can't even throw one of them out, even if the sleeves are a little too short, because Mum will telepathically know, and the next time she comes to see you she'll ask where that nice casual jersey she knitted you went. So a bloke's got to keep all of them. If a bloke's mum is especially good in the hanging onto life stakes a bloke can sometimes be forced to put in an extra room, just to house the jerseys. This is why a lot of Blokes tend to say "Oh, I don't feel the cold", especially when Mum's around and a birthday or christmas is looming.
  
• A suit - This is a bit of a luxury item, but what the hell, Grandad would be pissed off if a Bloke threw it away seeing as how he wore it to his wedding and all. Like the Bloke's Dad did. And the Bloke fully intends to. Hell, it's a bit patchy in places, but still got a few miles left in her and only has to hold out for one night.
  
• A collared Shirt - Another luxury item, typically worn when a Bloke's about to propose to his handbrake. Not that he would notice because he's usually completely off his tits by 7:30 having consumed 7 or 8 jugs of courage (or stupidity enhancer, depending on your point of view). The collared shirt is usually tucked in tidily to the Levis, which may or may not be clean, depending on how the crutching went that day.
  
• Dress Socks - These are usually only worn once because when the Bloke gets them back from the wash he usually thinks the handbrake has mixed her stuff up with his again and heaves them into the back seat of her Mazda. Dress socks are worn (usually out) to formal events where the Bloke has to sit round for a while and, because Grandad was a little shorter than him, the suit pants will ride up a little high. A Bloke knows that if the handbrake catches sight of his Grey Woolen Bushman socks, or worse still, her mates notice, it's going to be a long game of 'dodge the dairy products' (i.e. till the fridge is empty) when she gets home.