Dear Murray,

Rumors are flying that our station is going to be sold to a group that spends no money at all. Our staff is somewhat frightened by this and I'm afraid that my best people are going to start sending out resumes and bailing out. How can I stop this?

Worried in LA

Dear Worried;

What do you mean they spend no money? Meshugginah! They just sent ME a big check to begin revamping your format! You see, that's what happens when radio stations CONsolidate. Notice how this word is a lot like CONsultant. Instead of spending money on people who have worked hard to earn it, it's MUCH easier to give it to ME; a CONsultant who doesn't know DWEEB about your station or your listeners.

OY! I almost forgot! We're moving your station into another cheapass-- uh... that is to say "less expensive" location. You'll be 20 miles out of town in the same facility as 5 other stations in the same company. You get to share an office with four other PD's and until we buy out the Quickie-Lube next door (sometime in 1999) you'll have to deal with ONE production studio for all 5 stations. Doesn't this sound like FUN? OY-VEY! It'll be like a big college dorm; we can have toga parties!

As a CONsultant, I LOVE CONsolidation! I get to ruin LOTS of people's lives all at one time! By the way, if you get a pink slip in the next week, don't be too dismayed; it comes with a free toga and oil change!

Yours CONsiderably;


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