To:	All airstaff
Fr:	Buzz Bentley
Re:	New Policies
Da:     Today

Okay, Man...Here are some new station policies that go into effect immediately.

First, when you guys give away "Tubbalard" in the "Fat Song of the Day" contest,
the sales department has informed me the client wants to be referred to as 
"Tubbalard All-Natural Brand Lard".  Failure to do so will result in your 
immediate termination.  This is a major account!

B., if any member of the airstaff is having sex with anyone else on the
 airstaff, I will fire the one that is least important to the success of the
 station. (You got that Scott and Buffy?)

Third, I will not tolerate the use of controlled substances by anyone on the
airstaff.  There will be random drug testing starting at 10:00 a.m. this 
morning, and anyone testing positive will be terminated immediately.  I have
a prior engagement and will not be here.

Drugs do not increase your creativity.  Like when John Lennon and I were
writing "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds", I told John that the universe was like
a bra, man.  It first goes up, then down, but then it goes back up again, but
when you think it's going to stay there, it goes back down again, then it loops 
around and starts all over again.  The secret to life is knowing where the 
clasp is.  Is it in the front, or is it in the back.  No wait, the secret of 
life is happiness, and that is really big hooters when they don't talk in their 
sleep.  Trains wood fishes edge closer sometimes when peanut butter happens.

I have to bo to ged.

KRUD Radio Memos Page